Friday, June 2, 2006

i spent most of the concert with david, aaron and britanne. first, it was only me and britanne, talking, then david came and he started talking too then aaron showed up and the same thing. so we all spent the whole concert talking about stuff. i almost fell asleep too. i think all of us almost fell asleep. lol. it was a tirering day yesterday. lol. we went to boston pizza after, and i got home just before midnight. i read until 1:30 am. i read the book the chosen. it's about two jewish boys. up to now, not much has happened except for a baseball game, a hospital, and now the hospital is soon out of the picture, cuz reuven is going home, but yea. anyways, yea. me and aaron are just buddies, and we are close friends now, but everyone is telling us that we should go out. i don't want to go out with anyone. and, i don't want to start caring about him like crazzy and then get hurt again. although, i already know, thats how it works in relationships. u get together, u feel happy, then it gets taken away and someone always get hurt and i hate it. i have no need of a relatonship like that. i am not going to be happy for long before it gets taken away. if i wish to be happy, i will make myself happy. i will not be dependant on anyone. whatever, it doesn't matter. i am leaving for my youth retreat today, and i will be gone all weekend for that, so it doesn't matter. i just want ¸for things to go back to me and aaron being just buddies, cuz now its weird. why the fuck cant a guy and a girl just be friends? me and him were becoming great friends before everyone else started fucking it up. i hate it. whatever. i hope i'm working next week. alot. i need to get my mind off of this shit. i know it's not that bad, and i shouldn't be whining, but if i don't write it her, i have nowhere else to say it. what i want to do most right now, is, surprisingly, not cut myself, because that has no fucking point, but just go for a walk in the forest, or even just go somewhere where nobody else is, and sleep the day away. whatever.

i am worried of mika. i guess thats not new. she is sharing a room with a really mean girl, and i dunno. i think she should either ignore the girl, or just, i dunno. i will be away this weekend, so i wont be home if she comes over to hang out. but ill be home tuesday of next week. i dunno. i still feel helpless about that. i wanna help her with all this shit. i just want her to get happy. for real tho, not the fake happy she does just to get people off her back.

i can't keep talking now, maybe later. there is something wrong with me, and has been for a while now. i dont think health-wise, but just...i dont know. i just hate it all. i am going to go now. bye.
Comments (2)