Tuesday, June 13, 2006

ive been thinking. about what would happen if i died. i am not depressed or anything, i dont mean it in that way. i guess im just morbid. but i was thinking about it. i dont know. i dont think it would change much. it wouldnt make much difference at all in dad's life, since i dont see him anyways rarely. maybe a bit more in mom and glenn's life, but i have been making trouble for them for forever, so maybe things would be easier? i dont know whatever. i am really messed up today. have been for a while.

i am so mixed up, i dont know what to say. nightmares, dreams, just thoughts in general have been haunting me day and night. i dont stop thinking. this i would never except. things that happened. things that could happen. things that are happening now. things that i feel. things that i think others feel. things that i dont know. many things that i dont know.

i am working tonight, 5-8, or soemthing like that. then working tomorow 6-12. hope i am not too tired jeudi. that would suck, but whatever, i mean, we dont have much school on friday. i have a test tomorow. and a couple exams today, and tomorow. i dont know. i will study. maybe. if i dont study for my exams, i will fail, so i guess that means i will have to study really hard. especially for geo. i can pass english, i think. geo is what i will have trouble with. but i will study. i think so anyways.

i spent lunch time at the church next to our school yesterday. maybe will do that today, not sure. we'll see. i don't go inside. i sit on the bench outside. thats all i do. just sit. think. talk to God. i am odd that way. people here hate me. they tell me im a fuck up, and shit like that. thats okay. its true. at least im not a clone.

there was a big storm yesterday. heavy rain. literally black clouds. wind. i loved it. me and papa followed it and went right underneith it, to take pictures. well, him to take pictures. me to be happy. that was amazing. i love storms. they are beautiful. they make me happy. i want it to hapen again.

i dont know what to do really. i dont know. i have so many secrets in my head. i have to go.
Comments (0)