Thursday, September 28, 2006

my noseeee is swollleeennnn wwwaaahhhhhh
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

   so ya hm...i duno what to say. still thinking about what im going to say to his parents. blahhhh

i have a thought...but by the time his mom would mention it itd be like 9 pm tho. im so confused! i dont want to put more pressure on his parents b/c thats not fair of me. but i honestly cant take it here ne longer and if i cant get out and to his house ill prolly end up slittin my wrist or something stupid like that. i dont know...hhmph. this is hard.
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Monday, September 25, 2006

today! is eleven months for me and my boo!

yaaaaayyy
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Saturday, September 23, 2006

ahm babysittin...bored...and ryan alan rhoads u need to get ur butt in gear! u dont ever update nemore like u used to so now when i go to school i dont have nething to do in the morning! its really depressing! lol.

neway.my sisters in town. we went shopping and i got a cute new outfit. yay! its got stars on it and a hood, its long sleeve and then underneath it is a skin tight white tank. its cute wooo

im kinda hyper...and kinda depressed...and happy. i dno im confusing myself. well i best be checkin on will make sure he hasnt inserted something in his nose or w/e.

i love you ryan xxox
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im so bored...and ya. jus thought id say hi to goober and thx for bein cool! lol
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Friday, September 22, 2006

Goodbye
i look around me and what do i see?
a family thats torn apart
by the power of three.

ONE is my father
he causes all the pain..
TWO is my mother
she puts up with it again and again..
THREE is myself
I let it happen nd its driving me insane..

u both hate each other
u both know its true.
u yell at my mother
y wont she tell u "were through"??

ive put up with this long enough tho
i cant do this any more
i should have done this long ago
ull realize wat i mean wen i walk out the door.

ill leave a note saying "good bye
dont worry about me, ill be fine.
i wont be back until the day that you die.
and maybe one day youll realize why
i left you a note and told you goodbye."


ya i wrote it...ya it sucks...ya im in a bad mood...ya its about my life. i dont have neone to talk 2 except ryan nd hes @ a f.ball game. *sighs* all week ive been awaiting this day. so i could go c my sister nd b with her nd liz all day nd night. we had it all planned out. but no. my dad had 2 b a jerk nd say no at the last minute. literally. he said no, about 2 min b4 we were plannin on leaving for bloomington. im so mad i cant even c straight. nd now i feel bad cuz my mom was jus tryin 2 help nd all i did was b a bi*** 2 her. im a horrible person. i hate myself rt now. i cant do anything right...my dad hates me and now my mom prolly does to. oh and did i mention that my whole family is standing up for my dad still? that makes me more mad. i think im the only sane one in this household. i swear to god. im so close to grabbing my knife and slitting my wrists. im so sick of this. hes gona come home drnk and hit me or my mom and bi*** all night. i hate this. i cant do this. im miserable and i hate it here.
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...why did i write that? is that what you were asking? because she actually did die. i actually did lose one of my best friends.
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

   i got 2 c 1 of the best friends ive ever had 2day...she was in a casket.

Jennifer Diane Held...is dead

ive known her since she was born
ive hung out with her since she could talk

we danced with her pet monkey together, we found and named a nickel phillip together.

i was on the volleyball tennis and basketball team with her for 3 years running.

and now shes gone

i havent eaten in two days
havent really slept in about 4
ive been crying for over 5 hours now.

why

thats all i can ask. is why


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Saturday, September 16, 2006

apparently im not going newhere cuz he didnt even like talk to me about it. *sighs* this sucks. im in a bad mood now. great. i shouldve stayed at his house last night. i was too mad to even think about it.

ok so tell me why a semi almost hit me last night. head on. he was passing on 40 and he was in MY lane and i wasnt paying attention cuz i was thinking about all the other stuff and when i looked up he was about 10 feet in front of my so i had to swerve off the freaking road to avoid having my head chopped off. i was so scared and pissed at the same time it was horrible. im never driving again lol
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Friday, September 15, 2006

i really hope i get out. i cant take it
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