Friday, August 25, 2006

yah...ya know what? fuck u

im in the worst fuckin mood possible

i hate the fact that im nosey

and constantly worrying

i hate it

and i fucking hate seeing shit i dont want to see

it wasnt even bad but then i got bad thoughts

and now im fucking pissed

so fuck you
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

i was gona explain something on here but something else happened and i cant now cuz i dont want to worry someone and blah. ill explain later
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Saturday, August 19, 2006

~song of the day~

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late

~post~
well today i pretty much hung out with kayla cuz shes leavin the house tomoro...moving out...kinda sad but fun in a way cuz now if i ever need to escape i can run off to bloomington...that is if ryan isnt home lol

school starts tuesday...kinda happy, itll get me out of the house. and plus my dad goes back to work on monday (thank god) b/c im about to shoot myself b/c of him. i almost stole my car back and packed up today. still thinking about it...i duno how much longer i can actually hold out over here. i really would LOVE moving in with ryan now, but i would much rather move in with him and not have to hide until im 18. i wana be able to be free...ya know? i duno who even reads this but it does me a whole lota good cuz i get it out of my head. half the ppl on here dont even care, but that doesnt bother me. i just need to get it out of my head. i mean i know i have ryan, hes always there for me but somedays i just feel like i put too much on him. im always on about something ot him and i dont want to do that. it just bothers me...i duno well im gona go to my myspace and stuff.

i love you ryan, xox
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

   ...
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
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Sunday, August 13, 2006

   randomness
last night was fun...went to a party at kassandras, sent ryan lesbian pictures of me and michelle, i think it made it horny or something...eww...

uhh, my grandpa isnt any better. they wont let me see him and im not thrilled about that

kaylas movin out next week =(

and i actually got up at 8 to go run..guess how much! 6 MILES. holy shit thats a lot for me

i am amazing

guess who else is amazing? my bf. i love yoU!
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Saturday, August 12, 2006

im possibly in the shittiest mood ever. my ex boyfriend ben got on my other site and was sayin all this shit and that just blew me over the edge. i have to go back to school with that faggot and all the other fuckin annoying ppl along with him. my current bf and me got in a almost broke up fight and blah blah blah. so my mood with that whole thing is im pissed cuz we faught and it was once again my fault, im sad, im happy he didnt kill himself, and im about to cry again cuz of one thing he said. some days i even wonder if its worth having relationships. or even being here. alive. i could blow my brains out and have onthing to worry about. at all. id be done. its so simple
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Sunday, August 6, 2006

i duno why but im gona start posting on here again i guess...dont have nething else to do...and yaa

uh still havent talked to dean. the asshole father whom ihate witha passion and wish would die a horribly painful and slow death...wow...that was a bit demented...haha, dont care

played in the tournament for tennis today, i got 2nd place...and a big purple trophey. woo! im bored and need to find something to do so im gona go like, hunt down some friends who wanan do something.

i love you ryan forever and ever xoxo
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Saturday, August 5, 2006

well i havent updated in a loong time...oh well... im over it, once school starts ill be able to update more often cuz this is the only site that i can access on the computers at school. well im not looking forward to school starting, itll just be another year of annoying people. oh joy...

im kinda pissed right now. not at one certain ting, its just at life in general. my good friend got killed in a car crash, my BEST friend since 6th grade found out shes got cancer, and my aunt has cancer also. my dad has gone back to his old ways and i havent talked to him for 2 days now. i wont even call him "dad". hes not worthy of being claimed as my dad...

me and ryan are STILL together, lol, almost 10 months...sorta...and ya i love him bunches still. even tho he got mad earlier cuz i was gettin sick and someone stole my phone and texted him and i duno if hes mad at me or her or what...*shrug* im just tired of fighting. mentally, im just giving up. slowly, im just stopping my fighting everyone. im just sick of it i guess. once i get out of the house ill be ok i think...but thats not for another year and a half so this is gona be harder than a bitch. well im gona go...<3
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Wednesday, June 7, 2006

soorrry for not bein on and updating and gettin to ppls sites...im way busy with work and crap. sorry! i may not be on here much cuz of the fact that im on a tennis court for 6 hours a day and as soon as i get home im either a) with ryan b)passed out on the couch or c)babysitting. so! i promise that as soon as i get more time on my hands ill start visiting more often, sry again
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Sunday, June 4, 2006

i thought that when ppl graduate and "grow up" and move out was supposed to be happy...

why am i not happy

at all

im actually quite depressed

and have been sobbing the last hour now

why cant i stop crying???

god this blows

so much for being happy
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