Saturday, November 4, 2006

i get to go to olive garden today and some orchaestra thing! yay!

oh see that just ruined my mood. someone keeps calling me from a private number and leavin voicemails that say stuff like "ya piece of sht" and i picked up this time and he goes "good mornin u piece of sht" and i know its clinton and guess what? im callin the cops on u for harrassment. have fun being on probation
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Monday, October 30, 2006

Staind-Everything Changes
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.

[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

[Chorus]

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

[Chorus]

Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.
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where i see myself in 5 years
so i read my bf's post. it was where he saw himself in five years. i wasnt thrilled, ill just say that. i duno whats gotten into his head to get him so down like that but ya. this is where i see myself...

im going to be in my senior year of college at ISU university

ill be living with ryan in our own apartment

well be on our 7th year anniversary and probably engaged or something like that

hell be working as a cop, ill be gettin ready to graduate as a teacher

well be happy and he wont be an alcoholic, in jail or any of that stuff

and well have a dog. a really cute dog

this is to ryan;
i love you. i told u this b4 school started, and i duno if i got thru to u but ill keep telling u this until your convinced. were not breaking up, ur not gona be all that sht u said u were gona be. were gona be happy, and ur not gona fck us up. ok? well be fine, stop thinking of all the negative stuff alright? i know ur sad and all that cuz footballs over, i realize that and im here for u. and u know that both of us get mad easily, were both bi polar so we cant really help it. but look at us right now, then look at us 5 months ago, we couldnt go a day without fighting. now were goin about a month or more b4 we have a fight. were doing better and were gona be fine, ill make sure of it. but i mean...i duno. i love you, ok? forever and ever babe, no matter what.
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Sunday, October 29, 2006

things are ok now, me and ryan are a load better, my dads being his normal self (a dck) im goin to a party at my friends house tonite...my outfit? its great, its this alien outfit thing, and a sign around my neck that says "illegal alien" hahah im so smart, i made it up too lol. well ya thats about it, im gona go play my game now. xoxo love u ryan xoxo
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

ok so everybody (meaning about 2 people) isn't confused, today is me and ryans one year ann. and we had it all planned out that i would go to his house after his football practice well about 2 hours b4 i was sposed to go, at this point im allready dressed and ready and sht cuz girls get ready early and i was so excited cuz this is a big deal for me. wel neway, i geta text from him sayin his practice wont be over til 8 nd i cant come over. so now im completely dissapointed and pisd at the same time. not at him but just...at the world ya know? its stupid to get so upset over it but we had this planned for like 2 weeks now. ugghhhhh i feel like crying, well sht i did cry cuz i really wanted to go and spend today with him cuz its not the same if u "celebrate" it the day after its just not the same and god im so freakin like...ahhhh i dont even know. im getting waves of sadness, then i just get pisd at the world and then im sad again cuz i really wanted to see him and nobody on here really wants to listen to me rant and sht but w/e.

oh and it doesnt help any that my best friend hunter has officially picked her bf over me, her bf hates me now and so she sided with him. what a fkn btch i know. im mad about that too
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damn it

my whole night is completely ruined

and now i look like a raccoon

that makes me feel so much better
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Sunday, October 22, 2006

well i attempted to comment back on Magnus Lensherrs site but it wont let me...sorry! lol ill try to comment later my computer is being very weird

last night was fun, i didnt go with my sister b/c my bed and some popcorn sounded more fun and comfy. i was exhausted! too much tennis and little kids im guessing

i got to go to the hospital on friday, duno if i mentioned that. it was fun ish. they had to take my blood and my body went into shock and i didnt wake up for 20 minutes after they took it but when i woke up i had a tube up my nose and an iv in my arm and i was like "WOAH WHAT THE FU" lol i had no clue what had happened. but! i got a cool little hospital bracelet that they tried** to take away but they didnt get it lol. so im still wearing it! yay! well im gona go eat some breakfasto and ya. so have a nice day everyone!
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Saturday, October 21, 2006

well im babysitting...long day!

woke up at 8, from 10-1145 i was out doing comm. service "trick or treat for the poor" for my church, from 1-5 i had tennis from 530-9 i have to babysit, and from 1010-1 am im gona be out and about with my sister and her friends since ryan cant get out of working. and honestly, im not gona sit at home and sit in my room being all depressed cuz my sister is stupid and didnt bother telling me that i could go with her until it was too late so now i cant see him. *sighs* i really wana see him...ugh

neway! will is like talking to himself and its so cute! lol, hes two...newho, well im gona go cuz hes not trying to eat the building block... thats prolly not good lol, have a nice day everyone

i love you ryan...even tho u never get on here and never comment nemore
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Thursday, October 19, 2006

   i am hungry! hehe
ok i decided to actually type about my day so far lol. i got bored last night and i was like...hmm... google time! so i got on there and was like, hm i wander if there really are sites like that...so i typed in "i want to be anorexic" and all these sites came up that HELPED you become freakin anorexic! i was like, omg thats sick! how could u want to become anorexic? its not something u want its a disease and i mean, i went thru a long time of being anorexic i was 5'8 and i weighed about 105 i was a size zero and ya it just sucked so what im saying is!

DONT GO ANOREXIC ITS STUPID AND NOT FUN AT ALL IF YOU WANT TO BE SKINNY STOP EATING JUNK FOOD AND WORK OUT!

simple as that. well! thats my little insite of the day lol, on other news! i got a 70 on my anatomy test im so happy cuz i never get nething more then 56 soo ya i actually passed! yay! i get to go see ryan today too so im happy about that too. well the sub. is staring at me like im some juvenile del. so im gona go b4 she snaps on me lol, have a great day everyone!
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

we took PSAT's today and it was so boring! the teacher had a ferret in the room so it smelled bad too. blech. but! it was kinda cute cuz it crawled into my hoodie pocket and poked its head out lol

neway! AHM so bored and talkin to my sissy. so whats everybody doing??
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