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• A Big Mac Box x3
Member Since
• 2007-01-04
Occupation
• Soggy Fish Stick :D
Real Name
• Your mom!!! Meh, CJ....
Personal
Achievements
• Succesfully beating up some people that were teasing my friends! xD
Anime Fan Since
• When I got my first manga book...I can't remember what it was called, 'cause I LOST IT!!!!
Favorite Anime
• Naruto, Wolf's Rain, Ginga Densetsu Weed, Bleach
Goals
• Become an awesome artist, a forensic anthropologist, learn Japanese/Chinese, and to kick as many people as I can!!!
Hobbies
• Skateboarding, listening to music on my suhweet IPod, drawing, watching TV, playing video games, protecting my friends, kicking people!
Talents
• Kicking people! <3
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myOtaku.com: Demon Wolf Koruki
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Friday, February 29, 2008
Getting Over It/Skiing Review
Listening to: Taking You Down by Egypt Central...They're okay, but...not the best.
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So, I'm...kinda fed up with Celina...she seemed to get happier once she got her hair cut shorter...kina like Sakura...
We call her "Sasuke" now, 'cause she has spikes in the back, short and then long bangs...it looks weird after she gets outta the pool...then she always says, "I'm gonna go ask a preppy for hair gel..."
...I really didn't need to know that...
And then, she was complaining about how "fat" she was when we went swimming, and I said, "Hey, I'm fat too!"...not really...I have a tiny bit of a gut, but you...really don't notice it because I have a weird body type that sucks it in around the ribs and has it puff out slightly at the belly...Really, not that big of a deal.
And then, when we were lining up to jump off the boards for an exercise the teacher wanted us to do, she said, "Maybe we could go on a diet sometime..." I know she probably never meant it...that way, like she just wanted someone to diet with, but...it kinda...hurt...
It's weird...because after I read what BJ sent me, I stopped crying. I...really don't shed a tear anymore unless it really hurts me...I mean, it does, but I just have to be...braver, hold it all in. I get angrier more than I cry.
So...maybe she just wants attention, maybe she just hates us...she really is pretty, and she needs to realize that. D:
Aleicia's been able to deal with her problems a bit better...she doesn't cry as much, but she's been going to the nurse to sleep for about an hour more frequently...Her cousin and his girlfriend fight a lot, so she doesn't get much sleep, I guess...She told me that when they were running around the house, throwing everything at each other, breaking stuff, she took her baby cousin into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the fan, playing with her so she didn't cry or hear anything...she really cares! <3
She gives me hugs when I'm tired, or when I'm not feeling good...secretly, I love hugs! D: Especially now, it's nice to know someone cares! *shrugs*
We have this new kid, Tyler, who says he has an Otaku, but I'm not too sure...he said it was "oober man" or something along the lines of that...I think he has his friend list off or something...*shrugs*
He's nice, but we think he likes Leicia (<- nickname for her), because he always asks for hugs from her, and sometimes from Celina and me...mostly Leicia.
So I went to the counseler Monday, when I stayed home sick (threw up), and...she seemed...kinda cold, like she had nothing better to do. She made a couple of jokes, but...I tried my best to keep eye-contact with her...*shrugs* She just makes it feel...like she's so...what, politcal?...smart?...educated? I dunno...she just makes me feel...dumb...
It was hard for me not to cry, but I just let my voice waver a bit, that's all. I held it in, and my mom brought me to Coldstone Creamery (<3)...she's been real supportive of me...even if she's forcing me to go to this thing called "BLU" or something for 4-H this weekend instead of Leicia's B-Day...happy B-Day, sis! <3
Anyways, ski report...
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Yes, we finally went skiing Wednesday, after 2 cancellations! I can't tell you where, because it's revealing of my location...But it was for a school trip...Most of us just had to pay $20. D:
BJ and I hung out all day, never really losing sight of each other, going on the same trails as each other...we got split up from Aleicia and Celina a lot...mostly Celina, because she kept going on the wrong route...
Anyways, I'm gonna tell you about an accident that happened.
So I was skiing down the short-cut on Bear Claw, and this retarded dude that thinks he's all that named Brennen is snow-boarding next to me, and when we turn, I thought he'd notice me and turn, but NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! He just had to jump and ram right into me! One of my skis popped off, and Ski Patrol came over and helped me back up. I was okay, just pissed. I kept threatening to ram a ski through Brennen's head! >3
And still to this day, whenever I pass him, "I still f-ing hate you for that."...makes me laugh...
Anyways, that's it. It's late. Want more? PM me, please...or at least leave a comment! =)
...
That is all.
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Friday, February 15, 2008
Gotta Stay Strong...for them...
Listening to: You Make Me Sick by Egypt Central
"...I used to think that this was perfect, and wish it was never ending...there's a force there's a voice, in my head, telling me to think about the times you were cruel and mean...I don't care if you walk away, I'm here to stay and you need to hear...YOU MAKE ME SICK!..."
Currently:...feeling hollow...
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My life...sucks...
Celina and...Aleicia have started cutting themselves.
They hate their lives right now, especially Aleicia. Her young cousin (I think), who's only about 1 or 2, is in the hospital with upper-respiratory problems. Her grandma went down to the hospital with her, and left Aleicia with her cousin, aunt and grandfather...who sleeps all day.
Her mom is on drugs, and she wouldn't let Aleicia see her brother for his 3rd or 4th birthday.
Celina...just hates her life. I really don't know what's going on with her. Maybe it's her mom being gone a lot...I thought she told me that she was a lawyer or something...
Aleicia...just really hasn't been the same. She usually comes to school in the mornings and just sits in a locker bay corner and either cries or rams up her music to full volume, listening to hard rock or metal songs.
Celina...does that too, but she doesn't cry...
And...
They've started passing me...
Suicide...thoughts...
"I might not wake up tomorrow. D="
"Have you ever thought of giving yourself a drug over-dose?"
"...I just want to kill myself..."
"I almost hung myself on my ceiling fan..."
I.
Can't.
Stand.
It.
I don't sleep, I don't eat much at home, and I can't stop crying.
That's why I didn't go to school today.
I'm staying home...I stayed up until 1:15 this morning, spending the time crying and thinking and worrying about them. My mom wanted me to stay home because of that.
I feel like if something ever happens to them, it was my fault and responsibility.
My mom sent me to the school counseler 6th hour yesterday...we had a short chat, and she said she'd get them counselers that dealt with things like this...Aleicia had already been down to the counseler a couple of times in tears, and...
She told me that I wasn't responsible for anything that happened, but...I don't know what it is...I can't stop thinking about it.
BJ really...doesn't know much about this, I don't think...And...
...my mom and the counseler said that I shouldn't worry too much about it - they'd be fine - and just take care of myself.
I can't.
As I said...I can't sleep, I don't eat much...I just think that if they don't come to school one day...I'll never see them alive again.
And I know you guys probably think, "Oh, she's just over-reacting. It'll be fine."
That may be true, but for me, it'll never be fine.
There must be something wrong with me...
The only reason I'm on here is because my mom wanted to play with the Webkinz pup she got me for Valentine's Day...it's a black lab, female, named Tsume...
...
I need someone else I can talk to...maybe someone who's not an adult...
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