Wow, just wow. You wear depression like you wear clothes. You are in the danger zone, my friend. Thoughts of suicide clutter your brain, and all attempts you make to release your pain are in vain, with no effect. Most likely, you have already chosen how you are going to die, and when. Your life has been very rough on you, and it will take a miracle to pull you out of it. It is no longer enough for you to want things to get better anymore, you need some outside help, and you need to want that outside help. Most likely you are a good person, but your depression leads you to be cold and unfriendly, maybe downright harsh. Your friends are few, if you have any, and they are put off by your unceasing storm clouds. Angry and sad most of the time, you really don't leave room for other emotions. You have basically killed all your emotions in the attempt to close yourself off from the world around you. Breakdowns, if you haven't had them yet, are not too far off in your distant future, as you try to hold all your pain inside, and never let it out. Everybody needs a release. In all likelihood, you cut yourself, or do other things to cause physical pain to yourself, and you are never happy with what you see in the mirror. You think nobody cares, but you're wrong, but you also won't believe me when I tell you that.People could shower you with compliments all day and yet you still wouldn't believe them, such are your insecurities at work. It feels like your life is building up to something, you can feel the tension rising. I wish for you a miracle. Miracles happen everyday, as well I know, and that is my wish to you, take my miracle, I don't need it. You are a very great person if you allow yourself to believe it, but the longer you lay there in depression, the colder and heartless you become. Or it destroys you. Good luck.
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