Saturday, October 28, 2006

Drunken Idiocy
omg...i got drunk for the first time in my life yesterday...i was talking to my friend KT from england and they were gettin drunk...i started to cut my wrists again but decided that i'd try out gettin drunk instead and see if that helped me out of my misery better...IT SO DIDNT!!! i drunk three and a half glasses of wine! couldn't bring myself to finnish the last because i felt so damn sick from it...i was talking to people on msn lol. you should see some of the things i said...i checked it out later and it turned out that most of the time with one person i went on about my own crap and wen they said somehting i'd just go 'wut?' and continue on talkin gibberish LOL. most of the things i remember saying at the time i thought actually made sense cos i was trying my best to concentrate but when i look at some of them now it just makes me think '...wtf? wot dus that say???' i cant understand most of the things i wrote! i was throwin up at least a dozen times wandrin round the house bumpin into stuff...i can only vaguely remember talking to people on msn when they ask me if im feelin ok now...i just felt so damn sick during all of that...and then KT went offline when she told me that she and her three or woteva other friends were cutting themselves tryin to commit suicide...i remember that moment...i didnt even CARE! i was sayin 'ok hav fun!' prolly cos i was feelin the same way cuttin myself too...KT's alive though...i talked to her afterwards when i'd woken up from my 2 hour sleep in front of the heater trying to get over it...i was still cross-eyed mind you, though i wasnt laughing at everything anymore...i got worried that i might have iron poisoning from cutting myself because when i licked my cuts it tasted weird and when i looked at my cuts i saw grey stuff like iron in them...i might have HIV or something else though...but i cant be stuffed going to the doctor...something just makes me want to die. i know now that i dont have iron poisoning because i searched it up on google. if i had iron poisoning, i would be dead by yesterday afternoon. i would have gotten too much iron in my blood system and i would have some serious damage done to my brain (not that i dont already have some serious damage done to my brain...). if i do have iron poisoning though because of the little dosage i took licking it up off my cuts then i wont die peacefully. i'll die sufferring, vomitting and all this other shit before i seem fine then...BAM, i'd have a stroke or something which i cant remember and i'd die. not such a happy post is this? meh...

on a slightly happier note...LOOK AT MY BACKGROUND! look at it! aint it prettyfull??? ...i luvz it *huge grin*^^

laterz yall
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