Sunday, January 23, 2005

i was looking back recently on my site and i'm surprised it's come so far. i now have 39 pages worth of posts (for some reason only has 20 in archives), 138 guest book signatures (was 142 two days ago...someone disappeared...ah well), 1067 site visits, and am currently ranked number 442 of all the journals out there. not bad for a site that was originally not gonna have any posts on it, eh? i'd like to thank rebecca for introducing me to this site (though she doesn't read this thing anymore, so she'll never see this) and for convincing me to post. i'd like to thank all the wonderful people i've met through this place. thanks for helping make my little corner of the internet a success...even if it wasn't originally aiming to be (if only my livejournal had been this popular...oh well). i love you all.
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Saturday, January 22, 2005

i should play poker sick more often. i made another $40 profit today...really short game too...only two and a half hours; some of 'em take up to 8 hours to finish.

unfortunately i don't remember the site i found this poem on and i forgotta write down the author's name, so if anyone knows, lemme know so i can give 'em credit. i'd like to dedicate it to all of you that've been here for me through the past few months, and i'd like to dedicate it to my kitten. i still love you rebecca.

"I'm Here for You"

I know you are feeling all alone right now
and as if no one cares.
It's times like these when the ones you thought were your friends
just don't have time for you.
You feel as if you're carrying the whole world on your shoulders.
You want to cry,
you want to scream, or you just don't know what to do.
I want to tell you that I'm here for you if you need me.
I'll be that listening ear,
I'll help to wipe your tears,
and I'll remind you again and again
that this too will soon pass and you'll be just fine.
Just give it some time and hang in there.
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Thursday, January 20, 2005

not going to school tomorrow. right after physics today i got the worst migraine i've ever experienced...then it progressed into a high fever...couldn't find thermometer, but if i hadda guess i'd say i'm close to 100 degrees right now...maybe a little higher...and i can't stop shivering. i'm getting the flu *frowns* hopefully it doesn't get bad enough to go to the emergency room...gotta letter from the navy saying i can't renew my medical insurance until sept of this year *frowns again*

i'd also like you guys to pray for one of my li'l sisters...she was recently taken into foster care by child protective services. please pray to whatever diety it is you believe in that she stays safe.
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

well, last night i won another poker game ($50 profit), so this morning i went with josh, chris, and josh's dad to a casino to play in a tournament and then some open play after that. i did horrible at the casino. i did pretty good at the first table in the tournament, but then they moved us around and i quit getting any hands. after i got moved, the best hand i saw for an hour was a pair of 5's. after the tournament, i played a $3 $6 limit game (never played limit before) and decided i'm not gonna play it anymore...i prefer no limit hold 'em much more...it's easier to read people based on betting patterns...in a limit game, you're required to bet a certain way, so it's impossible to read someone based on that. well, needless to say, i lost quite a bit of money at the casino...$135. over the past two weeks though, i'm down $45 *sigh* i knew the casino would be more expensive than the home games. guess i'll just use what i learned at the casino to make up the money on a few more home games.

one more thing, the ice around here is finally cleared up...at least at my altitude...some of the steeper roads are still closed, but i don't live on any of those, so i'm all right.
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Sunday, January 16, 2005

blah
well, the ice storm hit about an hour and a half after i got home, so i've been stuck in my house all day. luckily i got home before it hit and our power stayed on. right now there's only about a half inch of ice on the roads, but there's supposed to be more coming this weekend. i got up at about 1230 this morning and ate breakfast then got online to see if anyone was here. i talked to krystal a little bit (one of my li'l sisters) and anna (one of my exes), but it didn't last very long. krystal hadda go, and anna didn't talk much, so i went to play eqII for a while. i checked back in to see if anyone was online or had left me a message, but no one had, so i just kept playing. after about 8 hours of the game, i got tired of it and came back to update, and still no one online. ah well, guess i'll go read a poker book or something to see if i can't improve my game...why not? i mean, there's nothing else to do, right?
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Saturday, January 15, 2005

last night i played poker again. the games (played 4) lasted from 7pm until 4am. at the end i made $20 profit...not much, but it's better than losing i guess. chris got his new poker table. it's pretty nice. very similar to those ones on tv with the padding and the nice felt. it seats about 10 people too, so that's pretty cool.

i got home around 430, then about 6 we got a buncha freezing rain. now there's about half an inch of ice on the roads and things (good thing i got home before the ice hit...otherwise, i'd be stranded at chris's house).

why do we needa room pearl? we're just conducting a scientific experiment to see if yours work too. i do have a little sinus headache. blah.
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Friday, January 14, 2005

well, let's see. how was today? sucked...i hadda test in physics. for the most part it was pretty easy, but the last two problems kicked my ass...and they were the ones that were worth the most points. then i hadda quiz in circuits...kicked my ass too. after that i had another test in math...finally an easy one...i certainly hope so. it's not the first time i've taken this math class. well, that was my last class, but was i free to go home yet? of course not...i hadda stay and do my physics lab. keith and i got to the lab and hadda wait about an hour for a station to open up before we could start. a couple of girls finally finished. they said they'd been there for three hours. that got me scared thinking i'd be stuck in the lab until 7:30 again. luckily, keith and i work pretty good together and it was an easy lab, so we were outta there by 6...but still, going to school from 11-6 with two tests, a quiz, and a lab sucks ass. well, i got home and no one was on aim, so i played eqII for a few minutes. gave my brother some spell scroll i'd found a few days ago, then got kicked off (whole zone crashed), but rebecca was on aim, so i came to talk to her instead.

lessee here pearl...i'm not sure doing it any slower would help any, but *shrugs* it's worth a shot i guess. *tilts my head down so you can reach my forehead more easily*

guess who this is for? hehe, yup, it's for rebecca. you guys must be psychical or something.

"Beautiful Soul"

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah

-Jesse McCartney
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Thursday, January 13, 2005

i ate chinese yesterday and my fortune cookie had two fortunes in it. here's what they say:

"One old friend is better than two new ones."

and

"Your heart will always make itself known through your words."

do you guys think those are true?

oh yeah, pearl, i dunno if it worked or not. maybe you should try it again *winks*

here's your song of the day:

"Blue Monday"

How does it feel to treat me like you do
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me
How do I feel tell me now
How do I feel

How does it feel?
How should I feel?
Tell me how does it feel?
To treat me like you do

Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
They'll turn away no more
And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today

I see ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortunes
I'd be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me now
How should I feel
Now I stand here waiting...
I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
when your heart grows cold

How does it feel?
How should I feel?
Tell me how does it feel?
To treat me like you do

-Orgy
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

"On The Way Down"

Sick and Tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
Almost fell right through
But I held onto you

I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside
Waiting to breathe
It's alright
Sunlight
On my face
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive

'cause on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
Almost fell right through
But I held onto you

I was so afraid
Of going under
But now
The weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no, nothing

Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
Down, down, down
You're all I needed
Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
You're all I needed

And I won't forget the way you loved me

All that I wanted
All that I needed

On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you

Down, down, down
But I held onto you
Down, down, down
But I held onto you

-Ryan Cabrera

i'm trying to hold on. i really am. *yawns* so tired. good night everyone.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

also for my dearest rebecca.....
please don't tell me to just get over her. or to just move on and find someone new. i'm not ready yet. i've tried, and well, it isn't working. maybe someday it will, but it won't be for a long long while. we were together for far too long for me to just accept that it's over and to just give up on my love for her. it's only been three months (and a few days) now. ya know what? it doesn't really even matter if she loves me anymore. i know she doesn't...and if i'm wrong, it doesn't matter. she won't come back even if she does love me...she's afraid of hurting me again. i still love her though...even if she doesn't love me back.

"Trying To Get Over You"

You could have given me a million reasons why
But it wouldn't change a thing
You said it all when you said goodbye
You took off your wedding ring

I've been tryin' to get over you
I've been spending time alone
I've been tryin' to get over you
It'll take dying to get it done

All my friends keep trying to fix me up
They say I need somebody new
When it comes to love I've all but given up
'Cause life don't mean nothing, without you

I've been tryin' to get over you
I've been spending time alone
I've been tryin' to get over you
It'll take dying to get it done

-Vince Gill
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