Sunday, November 21, 2004

i found this article in one of the advice columns in the newspaper from today. i love reading these. sometimes there's interesting garbage there...like today. this one kind of applies to my life...some of you may be able to figure out why. just replace the chick he's talking about with me, and the guy writing the letter with her. for those of you that can't figure it out, don't worry about it.

Don't look now, but you might be in love

Dear Carolyn: i recently moved 1,800 miles away from home to attend graduate school and planned on staying single and meeting new people. yet when i came here i met a girl who happens to be my age and grew up only five miles from my hometown. we hit it off great at first, then slowly went from friends to dating and more than friends, but then it became rapidly confusing for me.
she is in my department, so if something happens with our relationship it will be really awkward.
at the same time, i like this girl, but i don't LOVE her like i have loved other girls in my past. the special butterfly feelings just are not there.
yet when i spend time with her we get along so well that she grows on me and i really start to like her.
but after she leaves i really don't think much of her and think about asking out a girl in my economics class.
what should i do?
-Confused
(and the reply)
what i want to say: Love her! Love her! Love her! you're describing everything that will make you so happy to see her padding around in your kitchen 10, 25, 40 years' worth of mornings from now.
well, almost everything.
what i need to say, given that afore-said "almost": befriend if you want, but don't ask out other girls - not yet. and don't dismiss this girl-next-door girl just because you don't feel butterflies.
not yet.
not until you give your feelings for her a chance to show you where they're going.
being in love and being in butterflies aren't necessarily the same thing. love based in character and compatibility and respect is slow to build because it's rooted well below the skin, and it's enduring for the same reason. and butterflies, they're special, but think - when have they not flown away?
maybe what you're feeling is bigger, but so new to you that you don't recognize it.
or maybe it isn't and it's destined to thud dully and awkwardly and intradepartmentally.
either way - the grows-on-you process is ongoing, so let it go on, with the expressed understanding that any progress needs to be slow. (blame it on your academic proximity if you must, since it does account for a substantial share of your hesitation.)
and if your feelings sag, get out quickly, behave maturely and the awkwardness won't be so bad. but when...OK, if, when you least expect it, you catch yourself looking for her in crowded hallways, and wanting to tell her things, and missing her as soon as she leaves the room, that's when you'll be rid of the "almost," leaving you with everything.
-carolyn hax
Comments (7) | Permalink

Friday, November 19, 2004

i got my test in circuits back today...got an 81% on it...compared to high school, that kinda sucks, but it beats the hell outta the 65% i got on the last test for this class. i'm gonna talk to the instructor tomorrow about one of the problems. he marked me off saying i didn't do something, but i did. he just didn't notice it. maybe i'll get 4 points back...doesn't seem like much, but when your grade is on the borderline of passing, every point counts. after class i went to register for my classes next quarter too. i'll be taking the second physics and the second circuits class (along with their labs) and calculus III. i'll be in school from 11-4 everyday...which is gonna suck, because that takes away all my work hours except on the weekends next quarter. it also means i won't be able to come online to talk to you guys as much...i'll still get here when i can though. anyway, those classes are gonna cost me $900 this quarter. i swear, every quarter it gets more and more expensive. oh well, maybe i can get financial aid from the school for this quarter.
Comments (7) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

bad news
my physics teacher said he hasn't finished grading all our tests yet, but from the ones he has graded, the class didn't do very good...i didn't get the last problem at all, so i'm pretty sure i didn't do very well on it. today (according to this things clock) i have a big test in my circuits class that i don't think i'm completely ready for. i'm trying to work on it, but i needed a break.

and now for the worst news...my mom told me today that my dad is getting laid off from the mill on monday...going into the holidays is a really bad time for that. it's a good thing all the kids have jobs (mine's the only one above minimum wage, but every little penny helps i guess). if mom decides the internet is an unnecessary bill, i'll try to keep paying for it as long as i can. hopefully we don't lose it...i'd miss you guys too much. anyway, cross your fingers for dad and pray he gets another job soon.
Comments (5) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

a fun little poem
i still remember this strange little poem from third grade. i don't remember why we studied it, but i think it was supposed to be a study in contradictions. for some reason, i've always enjoyed it (prolly because i'm a big fan of contradictions and oxymorons). anyway, here's the poem...

Early in the morning
Late at night
Two dead soldiers
Began to fight

Back to back
They faced each other
Pulled out their swords
And shot each other

A deaf policeman
Heard the noise
Came and shot
Those two dead boys

This story's true
If you don't believe me
Ask the blind man around the corner
He saw the whole thing

i know it's a dumb little poem, but i thought it was time for something a little goofy here rather than more of the same ol' depressing crap.
Comments (9) | Permalink

Sunday, November 14, 2004

"Monday Morning Church"

You left your Bible on the dresser
So I put it in the drawer
'Cause I can't seem to talk to God without yelling anymore
And when I sit at your piano
I can almost hear those hymns
The keys are just collecting dust
But I can't close the lid

You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith and now it only hurts
And I can heart the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church

The preacher came by Sunday
said he missed me at the service
He told me Jesus loves me
but I'm not sure I deserve it
'Cause the faithful man that you loved
is nowhere to be found
Since they took all that he believed
and laid it in the ground

You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith and now it only hurts
And I can heart the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church

I still believe in Heaven
and I'm sure you've made it there
But as for me without your love, girl
I don't have a prayer

You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church
It used to be so full of faith and now it only hurts
And I can heart the devil whisper
"Things are only getting worse"
You left my heart as empty
as a Monday morning church

You left your Bible on the dresser
so I put it in the drawer

-Alan Jackson
Comments (3) | Permalink

Saturday, November 13, 2004

the answer is......
Frances Sargent Osgood...to find it, simply take the first letter of the first line and the second letter of the second line and so on until you get to the end. like i said yesterday, i can't imagine how difficult that must have been to write and make flow and still sound as good as it does. i'll give you guys the title to it this time too.

"A Valentine"

1......For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes,
2......Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,
3......Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
4......Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader.
5......Search narrowly the lines!- they hold a treasure
6......Divine- a talisman- an amulet
7......That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure-
8......The words- the syllables! Do not forget
9......The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor
10.....And yet there is in this no Gordian knot
11.....Which one might not undo without a sabre,
12.....If one could merely comprehend the plot.
13.....Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering
14.....Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus
15.....Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing
16.....Of poets, by poets- as the name is a poet's, too,
17.....Its letters, although naturally lying
18.....Like the knight Pinto- Mendez Ferdinando-
19.....Still form a synonym for Truth- Cease trying!
20.....You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you can do.

-Edgar Allan Poe

congratulations to darkeangel. he's the first to get the answer....he misspelled it....there's only one 'a' in her middle name....at least not if you follow the method to get her name in this poem. i do seem to remember reading somewhere that poe actually misspelled her name in his poem though and darke has it spelled the right way. i couldn't find who frances was for sure. his wife (and cousin) was virginia clemm. he wrote annabel lee for her...there are theories that poe had an adulterous relationship with frances...at least three of his poems are thought to be written for her.

i'd also like to congratulate KittieOfDoom...she's the first to get the name right as spelled out in the poem.

*hands big cookies to darkeangel and KittieOfDoom* hope you guys enjoy them...*gives out smaller cookies to the rest of you* couldn't leave them out, could i?
Comments (5) | Permalink

blah, my brother's on my computer
my brother is playing everquest II on my computer right now, and the post i wrote out for today is saved on that one...and like black pearl's noticed, i'm lazy...too lazy, in fact, to rewrite that post. i'll wait for sean to be done so i can just copy and paste...wait a second, if i'm so lazy, why am i bothering to update to tell you i'll update later? gah...so bored right now....must have my own computer back...ah well, i'll update again later when he gets off to go to bed. come back later today for the answer to yesterday's riddle.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, November 12, 2004

well, um, i really don't have much to say today. i went to work and cut my finger on something. not bad, just scraped the skin off. oh well. well, um, i guess i'll leave you guys with a riddle...well, it's kind of a riddle...it's really a poem with a hidden name in it. see if you can figure out the name. not sure what you get, because i don't know where any of you live and i can't make anything on the computer for ya...how 'bout a cookie for the first person to get it? answer tomorrow

i can't even imagine the patience and difficulty of writing this to have a person's name hidden in it and still make it sound good...guess that's why poe is considered one of the greats, eh? i removed the title so you can't go looking for the hidden meaning online somewhere (well, i guess you still can if you wanna be a cheater, but it'll take longer without knowing the name of the poem. i will be nice and give you the author though...just because he's so freakin' awesome).

For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes,
Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,
Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader.
Search narrowly the lines!- they hold a treasure
Divine- a talisman- an amulet
That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure-
The words- the syllables! Do not forget
The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor
And yet there is in this no Gordian knot
Which one might not undo without a sabre,
If one could merely comprehend the plot.
Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering
Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus
Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing
Of poets, by poets- as the name is a poet's, too,
Its letters, although naturally lying
Like the knight Pinto- Mendez Ferdinando-
Still form a synonym for Truth- Cease trying!
You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you can do.

-Edgar Allan Poe
Comments (12) | Permalink

Thursday, November 11, 2004

movie review
i went to see "Saw" last night. i liked it. for those of you that don't know what it's about, it's about a guy that puts people into situations where they will die, but he gives them the opportunity to live....they have to do certain things in order to escape and survive....ok, enough of what it's about or i'll give away too much. let's just say that some of the stuff in the movie is creepy and others are just seriously fucked up. there were a couple of places where i jumped, and three of the four girls i was with screamed during one part. poor aliceson...she was really scared and jumpy already and daniel kept scaring her more....you know how in horror movies when it gets really quiet, you know there's gonna be a part really soon that's gonna make you jump? well, during all those parts aliceson got really tense...then daniel would grab her leg and go grrr...she'd jump and squeak every time too. it was so funny to those of us that weren't aliceson...anyway, this was the first decent horror movie i've seen in a long time...i recommend you go see it...in the theater preferably...i doubt it would have the same affect if you rented it (maybe it was just the theater atmosphere that made me think it was so good, but whatever...i love going to the movies). if you have a weak stomach, don't eat much before going though...i heard some people have thrown up during certain scenes of the movie.
Comments (5) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

hey all, go check out pepperpippin's site. she's a friend of a friend...goofy little hobbit lover too...hehe (goofy, of course, is a good thing). anyway, she's pretty cool, so go check out her site and sign her guestbook and whatnot.

i've decided to look at the positive things in life now rather than focusing on the negative and saying fuck life, or life sucks. i'm going to do my best to ignore the negative. i decided this yesterday (according to this thing's clock) when some guy held the door open for me at school after he'd gone through, then i held it open for the girl behind me and she held it open for the next person....it went for about 8 people before someone finally let it drop behind them. that brought to mind a song i'd heard a long time ago and have heard infrequently since. i'd like to share it with you. may it be a lesson in life for us all.

"The Chain Of Love"

He was driving home one evening,
In his beat up Pontiac
When an old lady flagged him down,
Her Mercedes had a flat
He could see that she was frightened,
Standing out there in the snow
'Til he said I'm here to help you ma'am,
By the way my name is Joe

She said I'm from St. Louis,
And I'm only passing through
I must have seen a hundred cars go by,
This is awful nice of you
When he changed the tire,
And closed her trunk
And was about to drive away,
She said how much do I owe you
Here's what he had to say

You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

Well a few miles down the road,
The lady saw a small cafe
She went in to grab a bite to eat,
And then be on her way
But she couldn't help but notice,
How the waitress smiled so sweet
And how she must've been eight months along,
And dead on her feet
And though she didn't know her story,
And she probably never will
When the waitress went to get her change,
From a hundred dollar bill
The lady slipped right out the door,
And on a napkin left a note
There were tears in the waitress's eyes,
When she read what she wrote

You don't owe me a thing,
I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

That night when she got home from work,
The waitress climbed into bed
She was thinkin' about the money,
And what the lady's note had said
As her husband lay there sleeping,
She whispered soft and low
Everything's gonna be alright, I love you, Joe

-Clay Walker
Comments (6) | Permalink