Wednesday, September 8, 2004

yesterday....well, today according to my clock
well, i spent a few hours in the morning talking with rebecca when i first got up *big smile* then i hadda go run errands before work. the first thing i did was go to the post office and mail rebecca's "gift." it's not really for any special occasion or anything; more like a "just for the hell of it, and because you wanted it" kinda thing. it's a set of 6 little chobits toys. i'd give you guys a link, but the only one i have is on ebay, so after the auction ended, it'd prolly become a dead link. then i went to get some lunch. after that i got a haircut. more like a trim though. i didn't lose any length, just got rid of the shaggy stuff underneath. next i went to school to get my schedule for next quarter so i knew what hours to tell my boss i'd be available for (i lost my original schedule. oh well). after that, i went school shopping (new backpack, binders, pencils, etc). i love starting school weeks after everyone else. the stores are done with the back-to-school sales and they needa clear their inventory, so they mark things down even farther. i gotta $45 backpack for $20. i also got two binders (buy one get one free), a new mechanical pencil (i can't find my old one) and some of those clicky eraser things (i mess up a lot). then i wandered around a bit looking at random things like furniture to get an idea of how much this stuff is gonna cost me when i move out. *sees dollar signs floating around* i think i'll try a thrift store next time, yep yep. after all that wandering around, i went to work early and talked to my boss. i have the rest of this week off (wasn't scheduled to work much this week anyway. i gave away my saturday shift - not working on my 21st bday) and i got all next week off until saturday. i really needed time off from work. it was driving me nuts. this won't be a paid vacation though. i figure i'll save that for when i'm moved out and can't afford to take a week off without pay. for now (until my roommates get decent jobs), i can though. i'm prolly gonna go somewhere for a few days to relax. i needa escape and see new things. maybe a camping trip or something. don't worry though kitten. i'll still be with you every night.

sorry for the long post. i got home from work and rebecca'd already gone to bed, so i decided to tell you guys about my day until i was tired enough to go to sleep. *goes to bed and falls asleep to dream of kitten*
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Monday, September 6, 2004

well, i really don't have much to say except that i plan on staying home all day with rebecca. *skips off all happy to be with her* hehe, did i just skip? *looks around hoping no one noticed* i haven't done that in years..hehe
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Sunday, September 5, 2004

my latest poem for rebecca
Angel's Wings

You long to escape
To be free from all this pain and suffering
I will take you away
I will fly you to a place where you can be free
On angel's wings

You long to feel safe
To know that you're loved and protected
I will love you forever
I will keep you safe from the world wrapped
In angel's wings

You long to be accepted
To feel that you're honored and respected
I will honor you always
I will lift you up and support you
With angel's wings

I long to hold you
To make you feel safe and warm
I will protect you forever
I would like to thank you for giving me
My angel's wings
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Saturday, September 4, 2004

hmm
it seems my counter thingy is broked. it said i have 256 page views yesterday when niko's was the only comment. i came back today and saw three more commments on that post, but still only 256 page views. somethin' ain't right here fellas.
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Friday, September 3, 2004

"The Fool"

You don't know me but I know who you are
Mind if I sit down
Do I look familiar if I don't well I should
I'm sure you've seen me around
I know you've probably heard my name
Though we've not been introduced
I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

If you've got a minute I'll buy you a drink
I've got something to say
It might sound crazy but last night in his sleep
I heard him call out your name
This ain't the first time he's done it before
And it's hard to face the truth
I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

I know love is a fragile thing
And I'm trying hard to make it last
But it ain't easy holding on to my dream
When he's holding on to the past

Just one more thing before I go
I'm not here to put you down
You don't love him and that's a fact
Girl I've seen you around
But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand
And it's breaking mine in two
'Cause I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

-LeeAnn Womack
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Thursday, September 2, 2004

love is crack
i was talking to klaha today about love and why it's so painful when i came to the conclusion that love is like crack. it's a drug. during the period when it's good (you're high) you don't know any better feeling, but when you come down from your high, it's the worst, most painful thing you can imagine. like with me and rebecca. i've never been more happy in my entire life than when i'm with her, but i've also never known so much pain and heartache could exist. sometimes the pain makes me want to just give up, but i remind myself that you have to fight for love and relationships take a lot of hard work (especially long distance ones) and if i ever want to feel the joys she makes me feel, i can't give up and i have to fight for her. but it is hard sometimes, especially when she doesn't seem willing to fight for it. i know this whole situation is hard on her too, and i'm not trying to tell her to do anything or how to feel, but i don't know. it's hard. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i want this to end. i need her in my life. without her i am nothing. she is my world and my life. it's just so complicated.
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i had no idea not eating could be seen as sweet
well, i hadda strange conversation with some lady at work last night. here it is (paraphrased of course. it's not like i wrote it down word for word. i'm just going by memory):

Me: hi, how're you?
Her: good, and you?
M: hungry. it feels like my stomach just ate itself.
H: well, why don't you eat something?
M: because i'm not allowed to in the checkstand. it looks unprofessional. i just got back from lunch. i hadda big lunch too, so i shouldn't be hungry this early. i can eat a lot most of the time.
H: *looks at me* the skinny ones usually can
M: actually, i haven't really been eating much lately. i've lost about 10 pounds within the last month or so.
H: why? why haven't you been eating?
M: i've been worried.
H: about what?
M: my girlfriend has been depressed lately and i'm worried about her.
H: aww, that's sweet
M: it's just that, well, i can't stop thinking about her. i can't stand to know she's hurting and there's nothing i can do about it.
H: oh, you're so sweet. *turns to my boss who just walked by* you needa let this boy go get something to eat. he's starving
M: *looks at my watch* i'm off in 15 minutes. i think i'll live
H: oh, well, you're sweet. get some food *end of transaction and she leaves*

so, who knew not eating could be seen as a sweet thing? maybe i shouldn't try to eat anymore...hehe. just kidding. i doubt it was me not eating that she thought was sweet. prolly that i was worried. so, how're you guys doing today?
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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

this morning
well, after being awake for nearly 40 hours by the time i went to bed last night, i fell asleep pretty quickly. but then around 9 this morning i heard some kind of drilling or grinding sound that woke me up (way too early). i lay in bed until about 10:30 trying to go back to sleep, but i couldn't. i decided to get up to see if rebecca was on (she wasn't *frown*). i went to look what that sound was. when i looked out the kitchen window i saw two economy vans marked washougal plumbing and about 5 guys scurrying around my yard with shovels. they had a ditch dug from the sidewalk up to the house (about 15 feet or so). about a week ago our water main burst and was gushing water under the lawn, so our lawn turned into a big mud pit around the area that broke. luckily, we turned that water pipe off so we don't have a huge water bill and our yard isn't a swimming pool. i'm not sure how we still had running water after we turned it off, but we did. my parents needa borrow some money from me to afford the repairs. it'll cost about $1100ish. they'll needa borrow around $500 from me. oh well. mom said she'd pay me back on payday (this friday). so, i'm off to the bank to transfer the money to her account, then off to the college to buy my books for next quarter (starts sept 20). i better mail my visa bill while i'm out too. bye guys *waves*

oh and kitten, i love you. i'll see you tonight when i get off if you're still up...midnight your time. if you're sleepy, just go to bed and i'll come see you tonight. love ya babe *kisses*
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Monday, August 30, 2004

last night
well, i went to brian and ryan's apartment last night to play poker around 1030ish. we played 3 tournament style games. i broke even over all, which i'm fairly proud of since i've been on a losing streak lately. i should quit chasing straight and flush draws. i stay in on suited hands (hearts for example), then the entire flop is spades...bah. sorry for any of you that don't know what i'm talking about. anyway, i got home at about 730 this morning and got online to see if rebecca was up yet. she wasn't, so i put up an away message and went to bed. when i got up, there was a message from her. *big smile* but there was also a message saying my connection had been lost. *big frown* i tried to sign on a few times, but i could never get a connection. i went to look at the modem (on the other computer) and it had a few of its lights blinking which means we lost the internet for some reason, so i went to bed and read a bit waiting for it to come back. dad finally called the cable company's tech support thingy and got it to work again, but when i signed back in, rebecca was long gone. *bigger frown* i think she went out shopping today, so i'm just sitting here hoping she gets home before i have to go to work tonight, but i don't think she will. *sigh* well, if you read this kitten, i love you...actually i love you whether you read this or not, but you know what i mean.
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Sunday, August 29, 2004

more poetry
aww, thanks for liking my poems guys. i have one more for ya here. it was kinda rushed, but i like it anyway...well, i like the second one yesterday the most, but this one is about the same type of thing. anyway, here it is

You Are

You are

my love
my life
my best friend
my reason for being
my everything

You are

my darling
my fishie
my biggest fan
my reason to go on
my everything

You are

my soulmate
my smile
my sweet kitten
my reason for laughing
my everything

i have one more in the works (i might need your help again jen), but i think it may take a while to get finished. i'm trying to make it really good, but it's just not coming to me. maybe if i quit trying to force it, i would get it done sooner. oh well. i'll post it whenever it's done. later guys.
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