myOtaku.com: DemonMessiah

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1983-09-11
Gender
• Male
Location
• i moved out of the physics lab...now i live at work
Member Since
• 2004-06-27
Occupation
• surviving
Real Name
• matt, chris, amanda, oz

Personal

Achievements
• nothin' all that impressive
Anime Fan Since
• not sure. it's fairly recent though
Favorite Anime
• full metal alchemist is the best i've seen. i also like hellsing, ghost in the shell, big o, trigun, cowboy bebop, samurai champloo
Goals
• scuba dive in the great barrier reef
Hobbies
• texas hold 'em poker, movies
Talents
• does procrastinating count?

myOtaku.com: DemonMessiah

Sunday, October 3, 2004

two things to talk about
ok, first of all, i'm feeling a little better after a talk i had with rebecca last night. she said, "god matt, i'm just a girl. get over that step of losing me and hold onto what little you have left from me and be my best bestest buddie." well, she's not just a girl. she's my kitten, and i don't know what i'd do without her. i can't just get over losing her either, but i do wanna be her best bestest buddie. if that's the best i can have right now, i guess that's what i'm gonna have to take, but i'm not going to just let go. i can't. after i told her i wanted to die she told me that she loved me and didn't want me to die, but that she wouldn't tell me not to because she knows i want this pain to stop. she said she loves me and knows she's all i ever wanted and that i need her, so that's why she's not going anywhere. she wants to help me. i'm thankful for that at least. even though i can't have her the way i wanted, i still getta be with her...kinda. oh well, as long as she's happy, i think i can get by. i'm not sure why i feel better about that. maybe i've finally just accepted that she's gone and she's not coming back...at least not in the near future, but i'm going to hold onto what i have left of her and hope that someday she changes her mind or her heart or whatever. who knows? it could happen. it did with dean. she said she wanted to be with me, now she wants him. maybe she'll realize that dean isn't what she really wanted and she'll come back. *holds that tiny piece of her heart that i still have and watches it. tucks her away in a safe place where nothing can hurt her* don't worry about this little piece kitten. i'll keep her safe.

i promised two things to talk about, so here's number two....mt st helens started its eruption yesterday around 2ish. actually, it's not even what you could really call an eruption. some smoke came out and there was some earthquake activity underneath the mountain. they evacuated the people off the mountain yesterday too. there's so many people around here freaking out like it's the end of the world and we're all gonna die. the mountain is 45 fucking miles away people! getta grip. this eruption won't be nearly as big as the one in '80 and even then all this area got was a little bit of ash. whooptie freakin' doo. *twirls one finger in the air*
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