Monday, October 25, 2004

new quote for my avatar...think it fits pretty well
well, last night i did one of the hardest things i've ever had to do...i took away several things from mine and rebecca's relationship...kisses, her sitting in my lap, cuddling, holding hands, just about every sign of affection. while i love doing these things with her, and i know she enjoys doing them with me, it just doesn't seem fair to me or dean. it doesn't seem right for her to show me signs of affection and to keep giving me hope that we'll be a couple again and then for her to say, "i don't love you like you want me to." it tears my heart to pieces every time. her actions show me she wants to be with me, but her words are saying something completely different. i don't know what to think, so i'm taking them away for now. those are the things she should be doing with her love anyway. if i were her love, i'd be more than happy to continue doing them, but i'm not, so dean, if you notice a change in her, you know why...i took away those things from her so she could do them with you. it's one of the hardest decisions of my life, and i cried myself to sleep last night because of what i've lost with rebecca. i will still be her best friend and i will watch over her and protect her. i will comfort her in her times of need, and i will do what i can for her, but i just can't do those things anymore. they hurt too badly.

rebecca, you are still the love of my life. i will do anything i can for you or with you. if you ever need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort you in times of pain, or a safe place to run to, i'm here for you. i love you. *gives her one final kiss and fades away until i'm needed again*

"Pain"

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Everytime I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I can't let it bother me.

It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

-Jimmy Eat World
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