Wednesday, December 29, 2004

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
the song in the intro has become the story of my life lately or so it would seem.

Welcome to the worst vacation ever.

ok, first off, i'm sorry if this is incoherent or jumbled in any way and if it confuses you. i'm so pissed off while i'm writing this that it's hard to think straight.

so i get up early this morning and drive up to shelton (3 hour drive) to pick up rebecca and bring her back here to stay with my family for a few days, right? wrong. i get there and her dad says hi, then goes grocery shopping, so i'm at home with rebecca, grandma, and step-mom. apparently, i'm welcome to stay there as long as i'd like, but rebecca's not leaving. they won't let her come back here with me. anyway, there's a little argument and rebecca's crying the whole time i'm there because she thinks she can't leave because it would be disrespectful (they don't show her any, so i don't see the problem there). she's upset that i drove all that way for nothing. i tell her that she could just get in the car and come back with me. then it wouldn't have been for nothing. she refuses for a while, then eventually calls her mom. after she hung up with mom, she says she's coming with me and changing her flight to be out of portland instead of seattle (portland is only 20 minutes from my house). she goes to get the flight information so she can change it, then the next thing i hear she's staying and i'm leaving alone.

i'm so pissed off right now and there's another whole in my heart. who knew some old bitch could rip my heart out? (talking of grandma here...step-mom just sorta sat there saying, "it's not my decision." at least one of 'em knows that...it's rebecca's decision, not grandma's, but rebecca doesn't understand that.) here i was looking forward to spending most of a week (or at least a few days) with the girl i love and her family won't let her come. my family was looking forward to meeting her too. guess that's not gonna happen. wanna know how many telephone poles, trees, and oncoming semi-trucks i thought of driving into on my way home? didn't think so, but it was a lot.

just so everyone knows, i'm not mad at rebecca for this. i'm a little dissappointed with her (but more dissappointed in myself. i've been trying to teach her to stand up for herself, and to support her, but i guess i've failed). i'm really pissed off at her family. they've known for about a month that we'd planned on her staying there through christmas, then have me come get her and bring her back to my house after. then i get there and they deny knowing anything and say they never heard about it or they don't remember. so, i guess i went through all this trouble of fighting my boss for vacation time for nothing. i put my name on the vacation calendar to have this week off when i found out she would be coming down here (about a month ago). then i get the schedule for this week and see i'm working several days. i had to go argue with my boss and get him to re-do it because i'm on vacation and can't work this week because a friend is coming in from out of town. well, i got the vacation (at the expense of pissing off my boss...who's already pissed off at me about service-related garbage), and find out i should've just worked. and now, since i got the vacation time, i don't even have work to take my mind off of all this bullshit. something tells me that if i'd brought up any of that, they wouldn't have cared. they'd just be like, "well, tough shit. you'll get over it." i don't even care anymore. if she'd like to stay with them (no matter how they treat her or how much she hates it there), then fine. i'll just sit here on my computer all day killing time waiting for her to get back home in tennessee so i can talk to her again. i wonder what they said to her while i wasn't there to make her change her mind about changing her flight and coming back with me. well, whatever it was, i'm sure it was some kinda guilt trip thing. you should've seen the guilt trip grandma was laying down on her just during the few hours i was there. wow, that is one manipulative bitch. *bows before grandma* i'd like to dedicate a song to rebecca's grandmother. here it is...

"Head Like A Hole"

God money i'll do anything for you.
God money just tell me what you want me to.
God money nail me up against the wall.
God money don't want everything he wants it all.

No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me

Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.
Head like a hole.
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.

Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.

God money's not looking for the cure.
God money's not concerned with the sick amongst the pure.
God money let's go dancing on the backs of the bruised.
God money's not one to choose

No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me

Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.

Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.

No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me
No you can't take it
No you can't take it
No you can't take that away from me

Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.
Bow down before the one you serve.
You're going to get what you deserve.

You know who you are.

-Nine Inch Nails

Edit: i wrote this post when i first got home and waited to post it until the next day thing updated. i'm still dissappointed that she couldn't come down and i miss her terribly, but i'm not mad anymore...maybe a little upset still, but not mad.
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