Monday, October 25, 2004

Cry for the Unwanted...
Life isn't so great for some of us, but I don't think I wanted to talk about it.
I really don't feel like saying much. If my school picture comes back looking alright, I might post it though. The photographer that was taking it said "oh that's pretty" just before she snapped it, so I'm guessing it .. must be alright.

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Sunday, October 24, 2004

One More Thing ...
Yes well, I've come to understand why the Aquarian sun sign doesn't suit me as much as it does some people I know.

Cusps of Aquarius:
Born February 14 Through February 18
You are Aquarius with Pisces tendencies. You have an easygoing charm that fits in well with almost any group. Whereas you may have many acquaintances, those who know you really well are few. You have a lighthearted exterior which often hides deeper feelings. In work you are forward-thinking and progressive, but also cautious. You view life with a somewhat jaded eye and won't rush into anything new without investigation. Nothing offends you more than being unfairly dealt with. You tend to have extravagant tastes and enjoy spending money.

I don't really have extravagant taste, but that only adds to the Piscean tendencies that my ascendant deals me. Oi.

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It Happened.
We ended up meeting at the levi at about 3 I guess. I'm so embarrassed though ... I think I screwed up.
There really isn't much to say. Or, not much I want to say is more like it. I'm preparing to go off and read more Astrology stuff, or play Scrabble on MSN. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do.

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More Astrology
I'm getting this from AstrologyUnlimited.com for anybody who wants to go there.
Anyway, I'm starting from the top.
PS: * still=commentary

Moon in Aquarius © 2000-2002 Linda Rankin

You nurture those of the world who walk to a different belief, who are oppressed or repressed. *Kind of like Ryu being oppressed by Yami no Bakura, or Malik by Yami no Malik, I guess.* You nurture our belief in the future and all it can hold. *Don't know about that, I'm somewhat pessimistic about the future.* You honor and believe in the strength of the past and bring it forward renewed and revitalized.
Your responses are often eclectic and energized. *Not really?* Even you are occasionally surprised by how you respond in any given situation. *That can be true.* You can love instantly and fall out of love just just as quickly. *I don't love.* You tend to gravitate towards things that touch on the altruistic, the humanity geared and those that need help or support. *I guess maybe.*
Your emotional reactions tend to be filtered intellectually and are analytical rather than emotional. *Sometimes I wonder.* You can find it difficult to express feelings, needs and desires that are personally focused. *Yes, that's why I don't express them, I get them all by myself.* You can feel misunderstood especially in matters of feelings, intent and love. *All the time. You can say you're misunderstood but until you've walked in someone's shoes who's really been misunderstood, you're what one might refer to as a poser almost?*
You have a vivid, progressive and completely unique imagination that defines new methods for old ideals. *I'm not so good at new methods...* You enjoy taking the old and making it new creatively. *Yeah, not that I'm good at it.*
You can feel insecure in your ability to nurture and will generally have your very own method that you need to 'come into' and feel good about to explore fully. *I don't nurture really.* You enjoy and are most attached to friendships that are eclectic and individualized. *Or just not at all.*
You have a memory that is astute and accurate in some areas and weak in others. *Yeah, sometimes.* You tend to forget rather easily if it includes any personal discomfort, unease or insecurities. *Who doesn't?*
If allowed to express and develop your need for emotional liberation and independence you make an amazingly loyal partner and you adore helping people find their best qualities. *Oh, hm. Don't know.*
You are altruistic, imaginative, detached and friendly. *Sure, why not.*

That wasn't that accurate, huh. Lets see what else I can find...

Aquarius Woman with Venus in Aries: You are the rebel with a cause. High minded, spirited and unafraid to take on the world to bring about your visions, your beliefs or your goals. *In a subtle way maybe.* You have a passionate love for life and wilt if you are held back or repressed. *Well, I'm held back and repressed, so I guess I'm 'wilted'.* You are the most misunderstood of the Aquarian subtypes *always misunderstood.* as your strong feminine being merges with the Aquarian 'awakener' and leaves your contacts wondering what bolt of universal lightning dazzled them. You cherish being different, making a stand and taking up a cause. *Yes but I can only stand one cause for so long.* You are drawn to a passion for life, idealism and warrior souls who can help you fight for your causes. *Even though I'm just as suited to fighting by myself.* Your inner urges can take you anywhere and everywhere and often do *So long as everyone else lets me* ...you seldom backtrack even if you've made a mistake and will simply keep moving on working in the lesson as you go. You are driven, outer oriented and progressive and have a strong need to experience the world and help it move forward. *I dunno about the outer oriented part but, the rest is true.*

That one hit the nail a bit better. I'm done for now though.

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Astrology

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Wouldn't it be easier...
I was thinking about some of the stuff I've done. There's one in particular ... the one time I approached a person to talk to them because they seemed interesting and all... I got their SN for AIM from one of Ben's friends that I knew and.. I started talking to them but they didn't really talk much.. so I tried to get a real conversation going and all they did was say "why do you argue with me over everything i say?" or something and I feel like such a fucking idiot now to even try and be aggressive. Damn... and to think I see that person everyday at school. I feel so stupid, why did I have to go and do something so stupid like that? Whenever I try to be brave, I don't care why, it always comes right back and hits me right between the eyes. So much for holding your breath and crossing your fingers. What a damned fool I am.
Today I'm expecting to do nothing. Natalie never called... I don't think she will. People are usually all talk.. I had hoped Natalie wasn't but, guess I wasn't so fortunet. Should of known. I'm better off sticking to the way I've been. All alone.

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Emode Test
Yeah, I was bored so I went on Emode and took some of their tests. I took one that was which Zodiac sign should you be dating. I already said I was bored, so no explanation is necessary. This is what I got:
Virgo, the Virgin (August 23 to September 23): This intelligent and diligent partner is just your type. Initially, a Virgo may catch your eye with their put-together look and attention to the details of your courtship. But as you get to know them better, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Virgo's strong convictions and practical nature. People born under this sign are typically very good with money and tend to be conservative overall when it comes to risk. In fact, most Virgos have a discerning nature that can make them seem a bit critical at times. However, they're also almost always open to discussing the emotional side of any matter in a relationship. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Virgin both reserved and cautious, especially when your relationship first becomes sexual. Overall, Virgos are typically highly loyal partners and firm believers in marriage.
Ryu is a Virgo [sweatdrop] and that just doesn't seem quite right. Not that he's a Virgo, but that I got that result. Ryu actually remains very true to his sign, he probably has Virgo rising as well, just a hunch. Virgo rising can be shy and I know Ryu isn't out there as much as Katsuya is. Heh.
I still haven't gotten to work on Malik's clothes. Wonder if I'll ever get around to it. I would say maybe tomorrow but since I have plans with Natalie, I don't know if I'll get around to doing it. If the plans go through anyway. Whenever I make plans they never work. I don't know why I'm even attempting to make plans with Natalie ... Guess it was just time to try once more. After this though I don't think I'll try again. If it doesn't work anyway. We'll have to wait and see though. I called at around 1 and left a message with someone there, but I'm still waiting for Natalie to return the call. She's probably at work. I wonder what it'll be like if we do go though ... I hope she and her friends aren't too wild. I know I wouldn't be able to go along with that so well. Katie was like that ... I tolerated it, but I didn't like it. Heh ... well.. That was a long time ago. She was never really a friend. No, she never was. I don't know why I ever bothered... I don't know why I ever bothered with anybody for that matter.. Probably because human contact isn't completely avoidable, and when I did bother, it was always the other person that approached me. I've never approached another. I don't know if that doesn't make it even worse though ... What would I know anyway though?

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Now I Know ...
I watched Yu-Gi-Oh! this morning, naturally. I realized I seem to always identify with the characters when they go through some of their most trying trials. When Mai was explaining why she decided to surrender her soul for power, when she said "I just wanted to be the best...", a tear rolled down my cheek. Of course, all I did was wipe it off, what can I do? Mai is closer to being the best at dueling than I'll ever be at anything. She has hope, I have none. Then I was watching Shaman King and Lyserg reminds me of ... well, me. "Sitting around the campfire telling stories is kind of pointless. I just don't understand." He seems so miserable and depressed, um, kind of how I seem. [sigh] And this too is pointless. [rolls eyes]

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Friday, October 22, 2004

Sidenote: Nobody Cares
I haven't any idea how, but I have 100 hits on my site ... What does that mean to me? Absolutely nothing, 'cept random people like reading about the pointless time I spend on this planet. Woo..hoo..

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Amusement
Heh today after school Ben came with his friends to the car. Thomas and Jordan I think the other guy was, and Jordan was like, "Is that Ben's little sister? I mean I've seen her before but I wasn't sure." Ben was like, "One of 'em." Then he looks at me and goes "Hi Ben's little sister." I just smile and wave and Thomas was like, "Her name's Rebekka, asshole!" I was like "Eheh ... [sweatdrop]" So. That was interesting.
Natalie told me today why she liked me. I didn't ask her or anything but she was saying she liked me because I wasn't vindictive [or something like that] and gossipy. She also liked the glitter I put on like eye shadow and around my eyes, which Pim said made me look like a fruit or .. something. Plans have changed though. Instead of going to the small town [which she wants to take me to for Christmas] she and her friends are just going to the levy. I asked if I could go and Cim was explaining the situation to Pim and then Rachel came downstairs crying that she was hungry and then Pim's phone rang so ... he never even got to hear everything. Natalie told me to call her this weekend when I knew if I could go. I meant to give her my cell phone number and I would have written it down sooner if I'd of remembered what it was... I don't give my cell phone number out ever so it's not like I've really memorized it.
I guess that's all I have to say for the time being. I have to leave at 4 and it's 3:20, so I need to make sure I'm ready.

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