Friday, October 22, 2004

Short Attention Span
I can pay attention, but my mind wanders... a lot. I dunno if it doesn't wander more than most peoples' or not but sometimes I think I really do have a short attention span.
I've noticed I have a strange tendency for attracting not only Ariens, but Taureans too. [sweatdrop] Scorpios a bit too but not as much. I really want to know what Natalie's rising sign is. She's probably a Sagittarius or a Leo rising, 'cause she doesn't have the temper of an Aries but she isn't really as attention seeking as a Leo. I wouldn't put it passed her though, I really'd like to know. She's too out-going to not have a fire sign on her rising though cause she's a Virgo, and Virgo's would tend to be quieter and shyer. So, there's my educated guess. If only I could figure out how to ask her without wierding her out. [sweatdrop] Heh.
Nothing else to say. It's Friday.

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

Not Dead Yet ...
I don't really know what to say. I'm tired, unbelieveabley tired. I've got 23 pages on my fanfic. I don't know where it's going. What else ... that's about it. My plans with Natalie may be cancelled cause her family isn't going. Darn.

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Troubles
Wow, lecture. So Cim goes off on me and gets upset with me for dettaching myself from the family, I don't know what to say! What do you say to something like that? Just wait til Pim hears, I'll probably be out of here real soon. Lose my internet, lose my computer, lose my everything. Heh, then, lose my life, I suppose is the only next step to go. Funny, how I'd like to cry, but it's automatically repressed. GAH it's frustrating. I'm practically doomed as of now. I guess I should say good bye while I can.

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Monday, October 18, 2004

When It Rains, It Pours
Well, today was a perfectly beautiful autumn day, right down from the 50*F weather, to the brilliant reds, oranges and yellows on the trees in all the shades you can imagine, to the buckets it's been pouring all day.
Other than that the day was alright. Natalie really wants me to go with her and a few friends to a small town they visit a lot and just hang out. I promised I'd go if I was allowed.. so I mentioned it to Cim today. [rolls eyes] "Dad's gonna want all the details blah ba-blah ba-blah!" Ok, might as well make a list of questions now and ask Natalie to fill them out so I can hand them to Cim and Pim to analyze and see if I can go. Tch. [shakes head]

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Not this again...
I went to sleep at about 11, maybe 11:30, I dunno, I had a hard time falling asleep. Woke up at 3. [grunt] I can't believe that. I went to bed late so I could sleep in closer til I get up. Man!
You know, it's nice having my own bathroom and all, but it really isn't nice going in there every morning and finding either a giant cockroach lying on its back, a huge, wolf spider crouching in the corner, or a dead cricket lying on its back next to the heater. It's really getting old. For anyone who doesn't know, I despise bugs. And Insector Haga//Weevil Underwood should die too [hateful]. He's annoying anyway. But I'm starting to wonder what a good alternative would be...but there's not good alternative. I don't wanna go to Pim and Cim's bathroom and share it with three people, not to mention they're never awake when I get up. Can't share with Ben, I'd get frustrated with his ... piggish lifestyle. [sigh] There's only one other bathroom, the guest bathroom, and it doesn't have a shower in it. So, I'm stuck in the basement.
Ok, here's one thing I hate. I hate arguing with people about who's the better candidate. Why? Because most people don't know as much about both candidates as they think they do. They'll start arguing with me on something they know little to nothing about. How do I know they know little? Just listening to them. We talk about both Bush and Kerry in my Government class giving each side an equal chance to voice where they stand, but people don't even look into this. They just say "Oh Kerry's better" or "Oh Bush is better because blah blah blah". It gets irritating. That's why I don't argue with people over this thing. For example, just one of the many things people believe that aren't true. Now, I can't remember, there was something we read about it but I don't have it on me to double check. Both Kerry and Bush are either for or against abortion... I think. [mull] Well, what I wanted to say was Bush opposes abortion except in the case of incest or rape. Most people don't know this. If you ask me though, it's WRONG to kill a child because you were foolish enough to go out and have sex and get pregnant and then kill it for no reason. Now, if you were raped, that's a different story, that's a very different story. But as far as I'm concerned, you do not kill an innocent child because of your stupid mistakes. Sometimes it pisses me off the way people think these days. [snort] I don't know why I'm so irritable today. Bad night, I guess. I just don't understand why people think it's Ok to kill an unborn baby just because you made the unwise choice of having sex without the intention of getting pregnant ... Our country's moral values are going to the dogs.

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Sunday, October 17, 2004

Conflict ... In My "Home"
Ok so ... here I am eating my meal at the dinner table and Pim asks if anyone needs to print anything. I shake my head because my mouth is full of food and he goes off on me and says he's sick of my answers "I guess" and blah blah blah and starts to go on about driving ? I was like "I didn't say anything about driving..." He just snapped at everyone. Basterd. Just because he's in a bad mood because of Rachel and her dog damned computer, the little spoiled bitch, and Pim is all, "Hildegard, get me packed early, I'm leaving tonight." I heard him muttering something about getting away out of *blank* life. Something of that nature. I wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced. In fact, it's a wonder it hasn't happened sooner. I've seen Pim throw things at Cim and yell and scream at her like she did something wrong, when all it was was over sunny-side up eggs with hardened yoke ... Wtfh. I hate this house, I can't stand it here. Pim went off on me earlier saying I'm always printing my drawings ... I never print my drawings. What I was printing today was for school, to show to Ms. Nesthidey [sp? she's the art teacher...] to get into an art class next semester. GAH!! Why do you think I'm never around these people?! All they do is get mad at me, or snap at me, or lecture me on how I shouldn't do bad stuff or some shit like that. When was the last time I even did anything bad?! Seriously! I don't go out and drink like I've heard my brother do, or stay out past 12 like my brother does. I don't complain about everything like Rachel does, or keep messing up my computer and then whining about it. Or always asking to go places like she does either! DAMMIT and I can't have any peace in my life ?? It's enough to make me want to cry sometimes ... I want to leave.. now.
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Experimentation
I've been doing a lot of toying with Photo Shop. I submitted two pieces I did on there while I was playing with it. I'm gonna submit another one I did that turned out pretty nice. I guess. The first two aren't that good since I was just learning how to use Photo Shop. I fixed them up on the original files but I'll have to get them resubmitted... even though they aren't even up yet. [blink]

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"Friend", A Relative Term
I can't get enough of debating myself, or sometimes debating stereotypes. It's all so much fun [did you sense the sarcasm in that?]. Many people use the term 'friend' loosely. I use it loosely. To me, friend is a synonym [when you look at it, that's such a strange looking word, don't you think?] for aquaintance. All the people you see on my 'friends' list down below my profile, are only there because I return the favor of adding them there after they've added me to their list. No offense to anyone, but they're not my friends. I know nothing about them, I don't speak with them regularly even. So, if I ever use the term 'friend', do keep in mind it's very relative. All my 'friends' are no different from all my 'aquaintances'. What term do I then use for 'real friends'? I don't have 'real friends', therefore I have no use for a term to refer to them with. And if it's ever an offbeat addition to a thought, like saying "what would it be like to have a *real friend*?", then that's exactly how I would say it. Fair enough.

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Point to Prove
Yeah I was thinking earlier about what I said in the last entry, not caring about the person in my dream that keeps reappearing, which you may find hard to believe. You may think, well, why does she keep bringing it up if she doesn't care? Let me clear this up for you. I am a very indifferent person, which you may or may not realize, or may think I claim to be but am not really. Well, I am, very much so. So then, you think I care about the things I write about, which would make me anything but indifferent about everything? Wrong again. I write about the things I write about because I only write what has happened that I think about at the moment. How does that work? I only created this blog, journal, whatever you want to call it, to pass the time, because I have no life [thanks]. So, just because I write about it or mention it doesn't mean I care about it. If I think about it and write it on here, that still doesn't mean I care about it, I'm only writing down what happens for your reading pleasure, because like I said, I have no life, and it passes the time. I hope all that cleared it up. I thought it would take longer to get the point across and I don't know if I've discussed it thoroughly but, I don't really care, heh, which I hope you've realized by now.

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Bad morning...
Well, as if it isn't bad enough I got up late and missed and first episode of Beyblade [sweatdrop] ... That stupid person was in my dream again last night! I never have dreams unless he's in them!! It's very irritating... [growl]. I'd love to be mad at them but it's not their fault. I might sound wound up over it, but I'm really not, I just want an answer and I just want it to stop. Actually .. I'm not sure if I even want that anymore. I don't really care, to be 100% honest. It still seems strange. I wonder if analyzing the dream isn't what's making them reoccur... Hm. Who knows.

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