Saturday, October 16, 2004

Quiz: Completed
I finally finished the YuGiOh quiz, for anyone who wants to take it, I worked myself into the ground to get it finished. [sweatdrop] Here's the link:
http://quizilla.com/users/DeshiNoYami/quizzes/Who're%20You%3F%20%5BYu-Gi-Oh!%20Quiz%5D

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Delay~
There's going to be a bit of a delay making my Malik doll. Pim's gonna be working in the basement with Joe, I assume. I'd rather work down there when nobody else is down there. I'd move the sewing machine up here to work with but ... [raises an eyebrow] not only would I not be allowed to, but I'd have no place to set it. It's pretty big... I might sew on the eyes today though and work on the hair. Maybe. [blink]

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Pianist
Before I forget.. this is to be added under my accomplishments. I've achieved the title of "Pianist" by my teacher. It's taken me, what, 8 or 9 years to get here. And finally, I am here. A concert pianist. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll stop lessons. I still have a ways to go before I achieve my full potential. But I'm well on my way. Ms. Wilson said by this time next year, I'll be able to take a piece of music that I've never seen before, sit down and play it. Play it! Like I'd been practicing it for years! Don't think I'm bragging, I have no bragging rights ... not yet at least. I still have a grueling long year ahead before I get there, but I look forward to the journey there. I've achieved the title, but I've yet to prove myself completely worthy of it. Concert pianist ... 8 years... Have I worked enough to deserve this ? The talent seems unfair... I don't plan to waste it though. That's all I have to say.

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Nightmare ...
And again, this person has appeared in my dreams!! And even worse, I was forced into an awkward situation with them! Cause Ben had volunteered to take them home... Why can't they leave me alone ... I don't even think about them unless I happen to see them or recall a dream I had.. with their irritating mug in it ! [snort]
I'm watching One Piece right now... Seto is the narrator [massive sweatdrop]. They gave everyone such childish voices too. [rolls eyes] FoxBox is no good at dubbing anime. They did fine on Sonic X but even on Shaman King they could have done better.
I was amazed to find out Ben's going to the Winter Ball ... with a date. He dumped Natalie freshman year saying he wasn't ready to 'deal' with anybody.. I dunno if he's had a girlfriend since but, he never told Cim or Pim. Cim is always lecturing me about how I shouldn't have a boyfriend.. well she used to. I think she finally got the idea I have no interest in such things. But Ben never got those lectures... and he went behind their backs and confessed like a week later that he had a girlfriend. [rolls eyes] I really don't understand why everybody's so ontop of me and I do nothing and don't even think about doing a lot of the things Ben does and gets away with! ....

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Friday, October 15, 2004

Oh, spooky...

~VIOLET OR PURPLE~ Your very mysterous and rare. You're usally laid
back and very quit. You're shy,cool,com and
lazy. You always seem like your hidding a big
secert. You keep to yourself alot, even with
friends.Rate^-^

What's your anime hair color? COOL PICS^-^UPDATED!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

I got this from the kindly person who commented on my last entry. It's pretty accurate, 'cept for the lazy part.
Oh and the title wasn't referring to the quiz... I saw the person I dreamt about last night staring in my direction from across the parking lot after school ... They really need to go away. I don't mean to be hateful but I've found a deep resentment for the distraction they've caused for me. I can't wait 'til next year when they'll be gone. I'll have my mind back together in one piece. I just wish they'd leave sooner ... I don't mean any unwell toward them but, they got into a really bad car wreck a couple weeks ago because they were speeding and they were very fortunet to be alive. I secretly wished that they would have died just to get them out of my life.
Um. Today was nice and rainy. It made me pretty sleepy. It made me cold all day too. [shiver] I'm thinking about committing suicide. I was thinking a lot about it earlier. It's not because I'm depressed.. It's just gonna cost so much money to get my life in order. My body is screwed up off the hilt and it won't be fixed any time particularly soon. Frankly, I'm somewhat exhausted from daily treatment. Truth be told, I wouldn't be sad if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. I have no reason for living, nor any motivation for it. Life isn't worth living ... it really isn't. Not unless you have something to live for, and I do not. [ponder] ...

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"Everytime"
I saw the video for that song yesterday, by Britney Spears. I was amazed that she was capable of doing such a bittersweet video//song combo. Unfortunetly, I can directly relate to the part that goes, "And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, you're haunting me". I had a dream again about that one person. That one person who won't leave me be ! Not at school, not in my head and not in my dreams. Why can't they go the hell away?! It's getting on my nerves and it's like somebody's digging nails inside of me. This has been happening for over a year now and it's torture. Why is this happening? There's no logical explanation. Is it that hard to just be left alone ?

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

It's Thursday ...
I watched the debates last night. I really don't think either won. I don't believe you can "win" a debate, least not these kind. You're just there to make your views known. I wonder about Nader though. I've honestly never heard much about him. He might be a better candidate than Bush or Kerry. I do think, though, that Bush and Kerry seemed too busy bashing back at eachother on their turn rather than actually dealing with the issues. [rolls eyes] Why do they do that?
I don't have much to say. I'm pretty tired and well.. I woke up with the alarm clock again. Why is it that when I'm able to sleep in, I can't? The couple extra hours of sleep would do me good.
You know what? I read that Bush has Sun in Cancer and Leo Rising. He's so out-going and can seem short-tempered or just right ontop of you [hah, he kept interrupting the narrator or whatever you call him] but when he was talking about his family, he was so sweet. It was... rather cute. I've never heard anybody talk about their family like that, and it was nice to see not every family is corrupt and fighting eachother ... like mine is.
But yeah, you know, I guess that's why Rachel and Ben are so alike. Rachel has Aries Sun [Aquarius Rising] and Ben has Aries Rising [Capricorn Sun]. Ben actually has Aries in Moon too ... Rachel has Pisces in Moon I believe, which is why she's annoyingly super-sensitive, even though she's dumb enough to try and be the center of attention and then cry when she gets negative feedback. If you want the attention, you're gonna have to take the good and the bad. Stupid. Ugh. Of anyone I know, save for Kamiko, I'm a very one-sided person. Kamiko has Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Ascendant in Aries [whew]. I only have Sun, Moon and Mercury in Aquarius, then Aries in Venus [and Jupiter, by the way] and Pisces Rising. She also has all those Aries planets in the 1st House too I believe. My Venus [Aries] is in the 1st House as well but all my personal planets, as I've mentioned before, are in the 12th House. Oi.
I have things to do before I go to school still. Better get them done.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Nosey people ...
I hate it how I can't ask anybody something without them wanting to know why I want to know. I just want to know Ben's rising sign so I can have a biaist against people with the same sun and rising sign as him. Psh. He's always such an ass toward me for no reason at all and I'm steering to avoid more people like him. No wonder people at school don't like him.
Somebody after school today in the art room was like "Hey, you're Ben's little sister aren't you?" everybody else was like "Duh, you just now figured that out?" "Yeah, but anyway, you're a lot nicer looking than Ben." I just said, "Um. Thanks.." Natalie told me I need to smile more.. and later said, "Whenever you say you're not that great at drawing or whatever I just wanna hurt you but.. you're just so cute, I can't." I was like, "Uh ... thanks.." Natalie kept laughing at me and I was just like, "What?" not knowing what was so funny. She was like, "I'm sorry, you're just so quiet." Ok ... [raises an eyebrow] It was sort of awkward. Everybody there is so out-going.. and I seemed to be in the middle of all of it because Natalie was in the middle of all of it and she was the only person I knew except Patrick, but he was somewhere else signing up for the try-outs, and I would just sit there, quietly, watching everyone around me, feeling uncomfortable because they didn't seem to pay attention to how close they got. Eventually I couldn't stand it anymore and just got up and walked away from the crowd. Natalie wanted me to try-out for the play, but I said I wasn't much of a stage person and I didn't have a way of getting back home but my parents wouldn't let me ride with anyone. She also begged me to take the painting class next semester, which I plan to switch into but I need the art teacher's approval because most people who switch into that class are slackers. Lucky for me, Natalie and Patrick can vouch that I'm a good worker and a half-decent artist. Natalie did ask if I sang though and I said I didn't because I knew if I said yes she'd ask me to sing... just another thing to refuse to do. [sigh] I wonder what she'll say tomorrow ... and if she'll want to get together this weekend to make that cake ..

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Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Meinetwegen Sollst Du Sterben
It's finally raining. But tonight it's only dropping to 52* so it probably won't frost enough to kill anything. But.. it's funny. I've been sitting here just staring outside at the rain and the occassional lightning... but I haven't thought of anything. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow ... I'm starting to be afraid to face the world anymore. Specially now that I feel like people are pushing themselves onto me. How do you get people off without hurting feelings ? I know people wouldn't understand if I told them they were breathing my air and standing in my space and that I don't like that. Heh, I'm hopeless.
I read about a bunch of new anime and manga that're going to be introduced to the US soon. The first volume of the DNAngel DVD will be available in November. I'd like to read the graphic novels, it sounds interesting. There was another called the Aquarian Age that I've heard of before. It sounds interesting too. What I'd most like to read is a new one that just came out though, called Peacemaker. It looks like it'd be good. There were some in there that didn't sound so great. Like.. eh, what was it called... [checks] Harukanaru Toki no Naka De ~Hachiyo Sho~ [that's a really long title ...]. It sounds a lot like Inuyasha to be honest.
Princess Sister sounds good though. It sounds psychologically stimulating and enlightening. It's about a guy who ends up living with 12 girls who claim to be his sister, and it focuses on how each sister has their own thing that makes them appealing. It's supposed to come from the view point of the male character, which is what I think will make it interesting. In the article it mentioned all sorts of thoughts they wanted to bring to the story and all that, and it sounds like it'll be something I'll read. I wish I knew how guys saw the world. And I really wish I could possess Byakugan [is that right?] from the Hyuga Clan in Naruto. It'd be so interesting to gain such insight into people, just for the knowledge I think. I like to pick people apart. I think it's a turn off for most though. Secrets aren't meant to be found, but I like to look.
Lately the days have all seemed to be too short. It's like I don't have enough to do what I want.. but I don't have anything I want to do. Maybe a better way to put it is saying I don't have enough time to rest up, because when I'm finally ready to do something, it's so late, it'd be pointless to start.
I've abandoned the idea of creating a graphic novel. I'm just not good enough. Maybe in the future when I've improved I'll reconsider, but right now, I should probably focus more on working up to that level. I believe you have to start somewhere, sure, but you don't want to start at rock-bottom if you can climb up before attempting to fly. If that made any sense ...

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Bad Day, Good Day, It's All Relative
Well damn. I find myself in a bad fix. First, I'm questioning Patrick's companionship. He .. is strange. I don't know what to make of the way he treats me. He comments at least once a day about my attire, even if I've worn it before, "Oh, you're wearing your Yu-Gi-Oh! shoes today? That's cool!" He came back from Michigan yesterday and bought me Newtype USA [which, don't get me wrong, is great] and bought me a new container of seaweed. I know I can't stand it when people think just because someone does something nice for someone else, that means they like them, but, nobody's ever given me this sort of attention and I honestly don't know what to make of it. For the time being I'm ignoring any sub-conscious suspicions. Next, I think I made a big mistake today. Like I said earlier, I open my mouth and regret what comes out. Chad was telling me how people say he's immature for a junior and I said that was Ok, because I balance him out ... We sit next to eachother in 2nd period [assigned seats] but I did not mean anything by that !! His lack of response makes me worry that he may think otherwise. Argh ... To make things more complicated, Brittany decided she wants her and Catherine to come over to my house sometime ... I don't like inviting people over. Especially not when they come into my room. That's an invasion of my privacy when outsiders come in. I couldn't tell Catherine that it wasn't alright when she asked though... maybe they'll forget.. [grunt] Then Natalie confessed to me about how bad she felt for not calling me over the weekend and threw herself on me, apologizing. I told her it wasn't a big deal ... but she was convinced she should of been more considerate... Ok ? [sigh] Why are all these people suddenly jumping onto me? I feel like I'm in a pool of water and it's slowly rising, but I'm tied to the floor and I'll be drowning soon... Oh. Yes. To make it even better [sarcastically speaking] a person I'm trying to avoid as much as possible [won't go into the story] keeps appearing. Everyday, I see them at least once. Everyday! I'm looking forward to the year ending not because I want to be a senior, but because I can't wait until they're gone! I want them out of my site, out of my head, and out of my life. But, they're friends with Ben. They won't be going anywhere this year.

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