Sunday, March 13, 2005

Quizzies

What's Your One Piece Doujinshi Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla


Which Naruto Character are You?
quiz by orangeday.net


You are Hatsuharu.

Fruits Basket Anime Quix
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What FF7: Advent Children Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.


You're Momiji - the rabbit!

Which Fruits Basket Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay. I found something to post.

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Saturday, March 12, 2005

Bleh
Lately I haven't felt up to writing what's been happening so I guess I won't bother. Having another mood slump. [sigh]

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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

All My Fallen Tears
Clinging to the edge
of sanity,
how did I get so far away
from all that used to make sense
to me.
Praying that you'll lead me
to the pastures
where honey flows through
the streams.
But until I get there
I won't see beyond
the darkness.

All my pain
you can taste it in my tears.
I built my shelter
from these tears.
All that I've held in
throughout these years.
Save me from all of my fears.
Catch me and
all of my fallen tears.

Lay beside me
the doll I used to play with
as a little girl.
Show me all the stitches
twined throughout her skin
kind of like the threads
that hold together my own heart.
The pressure of the void
is pulling them apart
apart
until they snap and fall
to pieces.

All my pain
you can taste it in my tears.
I built my shelter
from these tears.
All that I've held in
throughout these years.
Save me from all of my fears.
Catch me and
all of my fallen tears.

Whispering the words:
leave me here to die.
Don't make me go through this
life.
Bring peace to my soul
before I dig into my wrists
with my own anger.

Let me fall away
away from here.
Forget what it was
that kept you near.
Don't remember
a word I said.
Stare into the cold eyes
of a face so dead.
Put me to rest.

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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Yes...
I retook this test.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||| 34% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Schizotypal |||||||||| 34% Antisocial |||||||||| 38% Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 78% Histrionic |||||| 26% Narcissistic |||| 18% Avoidant |||||||||||| 50% Dependent |||||||||||| 46% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

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Sunday, March 6, 2005

Stressful
Ok I have too much homework to make up. Yesterday I started on my lab report, I finished my English questions from our reading book and got 15 events to use for my project. I still have to finish the lab report and get started on the project and get started on my 4 math assigments, 3 which I need to make up. Dear God, save me..
By the way, for anybody who cares, I took a picture of my straightened here. Go here if you care to see it:
http://www.geocities.com/pisces_rising/joey.jpg

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Saturday, March 5, 2005

Unexpected change of plans...
Well I didn't go to school yesterday cause with increasing my medicine dose and having eaten a lot of sugar that day, I was sick all day yesterday. I even vomitted, which has never happened with this medicine. I still went to the hair appointment though because it wouldn't be right to cancel after she set aside so much time to do it for me. Turns out, it took longer than just 3 hours. I was there from 3:30 to 8:30. Whew. Now I know why it's a $300 treatment. I was her guinea pig [sp?] though because she'd never tried this treatment before, so I got the standard hair straightening treatment price of $70. Great huh? I'm never leaving this area just so I can keep going to Jennifer. She's the absolute greatest.<3
So, today with that purging of insulin that was a reaction from the medicine mixing with the sugar, my blood sugar has dropped, so I'm really achey, dizzy, generally frail today. Everyone else went to visit Grandma, but I stayed home cause A: Patch can't stay home alone anymore, he always makes a mess somewhere and B: I have a ton of work I have to do. Holy crap! I'm taking a break right now from it because I'm just so worn out. I started on my lab report, wrote down the 15 events from my English reading book that I need for my project and finished answering the book questions. I still have 4 seperate math assignments to get done, not to mention finishing the lab report. I still have all day tomorrow to do it but I'm not gonna save all of it for the last minute. I swear, I could die.
On a better note, well almost better, I can't do anything with my hair for 48 hours. Can't get it wet, can't put it in a pony tail or anything, so the relaxer can fully work. Otherwise it make get kinks in it. Anyway, I have a fic I want to continue working on, so I'll leave it at that.

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Thursday, March 3, 2005

Strange Day
Before anything, I just wanna say that I can't tell Rachel I hate her guts or she'll start crying and blah blah blah and then I'll get in huge ass trouble.
I think I'm having another hypomanic phase. Today I was just the giddiest, happiest person ever. Brittney was all happy and stuff too and it made me even happier. Then I saw [cough] erm, someone and I got to be all "Hey!! ^__^ [wave!]" And that so made my day. I'm staying in my room so I could be so happy before my mood totally fails when I go downstairs [bleh]. I have piano in a half an hour and I want to go to Barnes and Noble before I come home. Need Volume 8 of YGO which is supposed to be out. Too bad I have no money... Well, at any rate, tomorrow I have a hair appointment to get my hair straightened. I'm so excited about it! It'll take about 3 hours [eh] so I won't be home til approximately 6:30 [ehhh...] but least I'll have straight hair [yay!]. Less troublesome by like a million times. I was talking all class period with this Ryan kid in my Algebra III class cause I finished my worksheets and stuff. It was interesting. It's like.. he's opened up and stepped past just aquaintances with me. I'm not saying I think of him as like a close friend or anything but I think he trusts me more and stuff. So I need to go print out a map of Germany and show him where I lived. I'm gonna do that now so I don't forget.

Moods are so quick to fade. I'm already depressed as hell and it's only 5. I made that entry at like 3:15... wtf is up with that?
Before I forget to mention, when I turn 18 I'm changing my name to Joey, which is why I changed it over there in case you're wondering.

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Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Bruised Ego
I'm so irritated. I swear if I hated anyone as much as I hate Rachel, they would be wise to avoid me cause I wouldn't hesitate to just freaking strangle them. If anyone ever told me I was anything like Rachel, I was be so offended I'd never forgive them. There's nothing more offensive to me than being told that. God I fucking despise her.
I'm so ready to give up on life.. I suck so bad. At math much... and everything else I do.. I'm such a fucking waste of space and I'm tired of all this shit. I'm so damned well ready to go we'd all be better off. Fuck.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2005

No subject.
I didn't write yesterday cause I didn't feel like it. And I don't feel like it today either. But I'll try to get myself in the mood. Yesterday I got my pants and skirt and earrings. I still can't believe I had to get a size 1 in the pants... and they were still a little loose around the waist. I can't wait to get to wear the skirt, it's very cute. Even Cim agreed, and that's wierd cause it's from Hot Topic, and we all know how much she depises that place just because...
We also got the books in yesterday, they were psychology type books, which is right up my ally. The one I've been reading through is called "Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types" by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. It's the kind of book that tells you what "type" of person you are, I guess. Like.. with the wierd initals like ESTJ, Extroverted Sensation Thinking Judging. I think most people are familiar with it. I'm a ... [can never remember] ... INFJ? Yeah. Introverted Intuition Feeling Judging ... according to this book only 1% of the population is INFJ. Guess I should feel special or something.. That's about the most interesting thing I can come up with...... murr.

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Sunday, February 27, 2005

Your thoughts betray you. Your fears will be your downfall.
I was watching Digimon this morning, it was the episode where Culumon and Beezlemon [eh did I spell that right?] get inside the D-Reaper where Juri is. Juri reminds me of me ... but, unlike me, Juri has people around her who love her and will do anything for her. Who're always thinking about her and.. well, Culumon was like, "Aw Juri, I wish you knew how much we love you." It's sort of haunting me...
Anyway, apparently 3 days wasn't enough to recover. I think I've gone into a relapse cause.. my lymph nodes are so swollen, I was trying to look at something on my shoulder but had to stop cause it was hurting my neck where my lymph nodes are. That has never happened before.
I got my Evanescence "hoodie" yesterday. What a lame excuse for a hoodie it is. I paid $22 for something that isn't gonna keep me warm worth shit. No wonder it was relatively inexpensive. I'm disappointed but not really angry. It's wierd.. I can sound like I'm angry or upset but hardly ever actually feel it. Emptiness much.
I think I'm going through a hypomanic phase right now. I've only slept for 3 hours the past 3 nights and I've got the racing thoughts thing going on. I'm concerned about my Algebra III grade and how I'm gonna bring it up. My last attempt will be to ask if I can sit in during first period, so I'll be hearing the lesson twice, maybe then it'll be better. That's the plan.. I have to ask permission from my painting teacher and math teacher first though. That's what I plan to do tomorrow but.. I don't know how up I am to do it. Feeling the way I still am. I don't even know if I want to go to school... I got up earlier and nearly fell cause I'm so congested. I'd hate to calapse in the middle of the hallway in between classes. But I really don't wanna miss anymore school. People say missing school isn't really that big of a deal, but when you're me, it is. Just because I'm not the brightest crayon in the crayon box and when I miss a lesson I just totally get lost. Then again, I think I already am totally lost among the lessons in Chemistry and Algebra III anyway, so what harm will getting lost even more be? That'd be stupid though.. just digging myself into a hole pretty much. Suppose I should mull over what I'm going to do for a while. Not like I haven't done enough of that already though...

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