Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Lulling My Depression
I feel like crap today. And I feel bad.. when I was walkin to the back doors I think Josh waved to me but I didn't want to look over at him, don't know why I had to be an ass, but I didn't. He and Ben didn't really talk in the car, Josh seemed kind of upset and stuff. I didn't make his day any better. [sigh] I hope he heard me when I said good luck on his college entrance test, I was sort've in the garage already, walkin' off. To make the day worse.. that damned kid crossed paths with me... THREE TIMES today! Now that I know his classes are near mine I'm gonna be paranoid.. the rest of the fucking year! GOD why do people have to suck so bad? -_-

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Sunday, January 9, 2005

Malik doll!
I got him dressed over the weekend, yay. I ran out of velcro for his arm bands though. Here's how it looks, the picture looks kind of wierd for some reason. o_0
http://www.geocities.com/aquarian_punk13/2005_0109Image00082.JPG
It'll be all done soon. Yay!

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Saturday, January 8, 2005

Pah!
I put in 3 and 1/2 more hours into homework to make up for lost time. Pim can't tell me I don't apply myself anymore. u.u I still have my lab report to do but I was gonna save that for later or tomorrow. I am so gonna kick ass in this class. I think Chemistry will actually be easier than Biology because it's mostly math, I can do math. After Mr. Ryan showed me how to do this stuff and I worked on my worksheets today, I think I'll do fine. I have to ask and make sure I did it right, but even if I didn't, I really think I'll be alright.
I burnt the roof of my mouth on my soup, it feels sore now. >_< Ouchiez. The soup's good though. ^^;
Oh yeah, I'm glad I kept a homework log, just to show Pim I do apply myself. Just wanted to add that.
I don't have much to say except my rechargeable batteries keep dying right after I've recharged them. \=/ So much for rechargeable. I dunno what's wrong with them. Oh well. My camera can use regular batteries for now I guess. ~_~;; Uhm.. It's already 4... I have an urge to admire paintings and hang them in my room. Hahah, that's wierd, but my walls are seeming kind of empty right now. Ooo I'm gonna take a pic of my room and post it for all to see my dwelling, bwahahaha enter if you dare!

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Friday, January 7, 2005

Uhm... hm.
Yeah so, missing 2 days was a big mistake. I missed so much stuff. I had like 60+ problems to do in math, I still have to finish some from Wednesday over the weekend on top of what we got assigned for the weekend. I have to study Chemistry like hell cause the guidence counsellor doesn't want to transfer me out yet. He said to wait another week. I feel like this is gonna be impossible but I'm gonna try. I had a 45 minute tutoring session after school today with Mr. Ryan. I think I understand, if not, I can ask on Monday. There's a test Wednesday so I gotta get this down before then unless I want my first grade in the class to be a failing one. x__x Gah ! I can't say I'm not trying though. Luckily, math and Chemistry are the only classes I fell behind in. Math I caught up pretty quick 'cept for making up the homework. Chemistry there wasn't any homework, I just didn't understand what they were doing, which is probabley worse. ^^; I'm working hard, I really am.
There isn't anything else going on. I was shocked to hear the other day, though, Ben and Hannah exchange a "I love you" just before they left school. O_o They've been going out like 3 months ? Moving kind of fast... no? ....^^;; Tch. Uhm. I really don't see how people can love each other as much as some people say they can. I mean, call me cold or whatever but, I don't think I ever could. =/ Sad to say, it makes me kind of sad to say cause who knows what one could be missing out if they can't ever experience it ? Or maybe... no. Maybe it just takes the right person. Maybe .. hm. I don't know. I wish I could have a chance at it, just one shot, just to know what the big hoohaw is all about. ~_~ I feel stupid for admitting it but, once I saw Ben all ... Mr. Happy rather than Mr. Grumpy, it was like the apocolypse, so there must be something worth while about it ... <=/ I don't think I'll ever know though. While some people will seek self-pity when saying 'oohh no one will ever love me [cry]' I say it because I don't understand it period, right? And if I can't stand living with me, how can I expect someone else to ? Especially when nobody's ever liked me, or liked me and been able to come and tell me to my face. It is kind of discouraging, specially when all you hear about at school is "ohh, so and so told so and so that he/she liked her/him!" Then the only other thing you hear is, "Oh my God! So and so slept with so and so!" Yes Catherine does that to me. Why do I care if one of her friends slept with someone? >>;; I don't mean to be a jerk but seriously, that's something very personal if you ask me. I wouldn't go marching around the school and say "I slept with him!!" o_O I mean really. People have no pride, no dignity.. people are stupid. ^^; Hah. I don't like being mean but really, come on.
If I had anything interesting to say I'd actually say something but.. this whole post was pointless and a waste of time [not that I have anything better to do with my time]. Man.. now I'm depressed. I'm bad about these mood swings. [sigh]

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Wednesday, January 5, 2005

Bleh
I tried posting yesterday and.. it didn't work. And I didn't realize til it was almost time for bed that it didn't work. I came home early yesterday cause I didn't sleep a wink and I stayed home today feeling sick as a dog. Yay. I still feel nausciated.. or however you spell it. [sigh] Can't wait to see what I missed ... [rolls eyes]

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Monday, January 3, 2005

Bad first day...
Well, my classes suck. I don't know anyone in any of my classes cept in Painting. I don't think it was worth throwing myself into a whole different crowd of people just to be with a few people I know first period. I was hoping Natalie would want to converse with me more first period but since her best friend Sara is in there.. I feel like I'm hardly there. Oh well I guess. Not much in the mood to discuss how much life is an ass. -.-

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Pissed off much?
Last night was the worst freakin night my entire vacation and I have to go to school today. I'm already ready to give up on my dumb resolutions and say screw everybody. It's the beginning of January and 60* outside, wtf is that?! I woke up sweating because it must of been 83* in my room! I operate at 78* or so, I sleep at 78* or so. Why the hell was it 83* in my room?! I got 5 hours of sleep at most! AT MOST ... fuck. That's an hour less than I usually get and I got something closer to 4 or 4 1/2. Dammit. This year sure knows how to start with a bang, a fucking explosion bang. -_-;
[deep breath] I do wanna say I appreciate the support I get from commenters though. Thanks and all. I'm getting too frustrated to deal with this though, I hope I don't snap at someone the first day of school, specially since that's so out of character for me to do. Believe it or not. I'm going to get some coffee...

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Sunday, January 2, 2005

Food For Thought is Dangerous Material
Man I was looking at Nina.. Simone's chart cause somebody posted something about it in the forums. And I got to thinking how interesting her chart was. She has Sun in Pisces in the first house, Venus in Pisces in the first house, Saturn in Aquarius in the first house and another planet I don't remember and she has a ton of oppositions. Why can't my chart be interesting? ~_~;; It's like just a splurg on half of it. Throw 4 planets into one house, 3 into another. Then the 3 that're left just go into their natural houses pretty much. Heh, go home. Somethin' like that. Why can't my chart be remotely interesting. You can practically totally read me by it cause there's not much to figure out. You know 2 houses and what influence the planets have in them and you know about 75% maybe 80% of me. o_0 That's so lame. I feel so one-sided. I have 3 dominant planets and 3 dominant elements. That's one thing that's not so bad. Everybody tells me I can be too idealistic and blah blah blah but then when it comes to really planning I'm almost too practical to even consider all the dreams I found in Lala Land. Stupid Capricorn. My chart might of been remotely worth while if I didn't have three placements in Capricorn. Then again those planets are basically an entire generation of people who're gonna have them. Which is why I don't look at them much... much. Well you have to consider they're there. Anyway, ignoring the insignificant ones, all my planets are basically in one place. Ok, Aquarius in Sun, Moon and Mercury all in the 12th House. Venus and Jupiter in Aries, Venus in the 1st House, Jupiter in the 2nd House. Mars in Sagittarius in the 10th House. That's so one sided. 3 in Aquarius, 2 in Aries and 1 in Sag. Mars falls with Saturn, Neptune and Uranus in the 10th House. So out of all 12 planets, there only 5 houses that're occupied. How one-sided is that? So very not interesting... Well. Lol, if that's the case you gotta feel for Kamiko. She has Aries ascending, in Sun, Moon, Mercury and Venus all in the 1st House. Now that's one-sided. But everybody loves her. She's the kind of person that can be herself and still be adored. She's so fortunet. You can't count all the guys that like her on two hands. You don't need hands to count how many like me. ~_~;; Heh. None. Oh well. What's the use? I can't change so others will like me, cause then I'll just not myself even more. o_0 Damn. Life is so angsty. But what can you say? Some of us just weren't meant to be partners. We're just there when people need us and then shoved aside to fly solo. That's practically the story of my life. ~_~;
I need another cup of coffee...

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Saturday, January 1, 2005

New Years Resolutions
I didn't come up with them til today but they're still resolutions right?

->Become more out-going and quit being so damn anti-social. Go out and do stuff.
->Nobody likes a party-pooper, quit taking life so seriously.
->Try to make Natalie my best friend--and make it feel like she really is.
->Meet more people. I'm tired of feeling lonely.
->Get more self-confidence. There stuff I can do well, and I should focus on those things to get to be even better! [Like playing piano, drawing, singing, writing, ect.]
->Which reminds me, I need to spend more time practicing piano. ^^;
->Summerized: quit wasting my life.

Easy enough, right? Heh, if it were easy there'd be no point in trying. o_o Lets see if I can quit being so pessimistic in the mix there.

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Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Have a bad feeling...
Kamiko introduced me to one of her friends who goes by Gaara [hmmm wonder where that comes from]. She said she wanted him to be able to talk to someone his own age, so I agreed to talk to him. It was a short conversation cause he went to bed at like 10:30 or so. Maybe it was 11:30.. don't remember but. Later on she told me his birthday. February 29th or something. He's a Pisces. Damn. I have a deep, sinking feeling about this.. Chad was the first and last Piscean guy I've dealt with. And that ended in a terrible mess. I hope the same thing won't happen here. I wish Kamiko wouldn't of told me and I wouldn't be so apprehensive about this. I just don't want to be hurt again. And in the same manner. Somehow Piscean guys have a way of getting to a deep point before I even know them. So they cut at the very bottom when they become cold fish. Then again, maybe it's my fault.. self-destructive is how I would describe myself in one word. And I have to say I'm at a rocky start with this guy. [shudder] Goody.

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