Wednesday, September 22, 2004

   Tired
I'm so exhausted, and I don't know why at all. I could have fallen asleep on the car ride home if I wanted. I'm so tired. But now I am home, eating my Pringles [original], drinking my peppermint tea and preparing to study for a 200 point test in US History. Bummer. I'm very concerned about it. It covers like two weeks of material almost. I've been paying attention and taking my notes, but I still worry. Because I never know how much studying is enough studying, I always freak out about these tests--esecially when the teacher makes a big deal about it.
Tomorrow I think I'll bring some drawings to show to Natalie. She asked if I had any but I only had some doodles in my Government and Drafting notebook. She saw something no one else has ever seen before that I drew a while ago... She doesn't know that though. I don't really want to show her my drawings either though. I don't really like showing others my work ... just because. It's always been that way. It hasn't changed.
Today I was informed that Ben drinks. I didn't believe Paul at first, but seeing the kind of people Ben hangs out with, I lose my doubt in Paul. It's disturbing... I thought Ben was smarter than that. Smarter than everything that he's become. Better than that. But no. He's not. He's just like everyone else now. Every other person in school ... It doesn't make me sad, not really. It's just seeing another person fall. I saw it coming.
As for me, I hope and pray everyday that I won't fall into the same pit as all of them. I've avoided it thus far, and I don't see how it could worm its way into my life, but I do realize things happen and things change. Unexpected events occur even if we're left with a huge question mark over our heads like "what the hell happened?". Sometimes I think it's just carelessness that lets it happen, but being over paranoid doesn't do you any good either. I tend to be over paranoid about a lot of things ...

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