Thursday, September 23, 2004

   Haunting me ...
I have no homework tonight, which is amazing. I'm sitting here eating my meal of tomato sauce on ravioli stuffed with cheese... I'll be living off these kind of meals once I get to Texas.
I had another dream last night. I didn't mention when I had dreamt of something simular, but there's this one person, just this one person, who keeps appearing in my dreams, haunting me in my sleep. Won't leave me be.
Patrick told me today Allison really likes me, cause she asks everyday if I'll be coming around and gets happy when Patrick says yes. I'm surprised I have such influence on anybody. She's a sweet girl though, I don't mind her. A Leo, amazingly. Never thought a Leo would be interested in an Aquarius in a look-up-to kind of way. Then again there are many things I don't know. I have a lot to learn.
At a quarter to five, I'm going to the grocery store. I'd be leaving now if my parents would get a damned grip on themselves and let me drive now that I have my license. But I need to get some food from the vegetarian section. [Now that I'm saving $20 by buying skirts rather than pants *plus the hem*, I can spend it on food, because vegetarian food is more expensive than meat products. Clever, huh?] I'll also look for low sugar and carb desserts. You may think I'm paranoid about my weight, heh, WRONG. Sugars [and carbs that ultimately turn into sugar] react to the medication I'm on which causes me to get nauscious. I spent several weeks on end nauscious 24/7, from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed, and every in between wake up during the night. Luckily, since I lowered the dosage to only 500MG a day [rather than 1000MG a day] it hasn't been so bad, even though having sugar will still make me sick. I have to say, you have to be very self-discaplined to do that in this house, especially when you have a sweet tooth such as mine.
Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to drive with Pim so he'll let me drive out on my own finally. I'm a good driver, better than my 17 year old brother who drives like a maniac nowa days and still hasn't heard a word from neither Pim nor Cim. We were discussing in ADV. Government today how you are a product of your parents and your environment, and we were on the topic of rules of behavior, and things of that nature. While everyone was in their own little conversation saying how their parents were strict in which areas, I turned to Catherine and said, "You know .. honestly, I sort of think my parents are most strict on me..." Catherine agreed, and said how it was unfair that they let Ben go out and do the things he does with practically no tabs on his activities, wilst I am here and wouldn't do the bad things Ben does or hang around the bad people Ben does, and I'm allowed to do nothing at all. Even my little sister Rachel has more freedom than I am granted. Am I depressed about it? Not really. I've adapted to it. But then Pim always wonders and gets on to me for being so avoidant of social situations, when it might just be his own fault that I am. Heh, it's.. rather ironic. I don't care though. Once I can go out and do what I wish, it'll be simple things. Maybe go pick up some food from the grocery, go to the movies and see a movie by myself, go to the mall, either to shop, window-shop or just people watch [alone]. I will be doing everything by myself. And they worry more about me than about Ben ? It amazes me ... it really does. Soon enough though, soon enough. Someday we shall see who ends up where and why, huh. We shall see.
Pep rally tomorrow... I may just hide in the bathrooms. I fear the gigantic mob which will be in that gym. Almost 1600 people. We had trouble fitting everyone in last year and it was only about 1400. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a death or two from people being trampled. The people at my school are generally rude, immature and IQ-wise, a rock thinks more often than they do. What does that say about my school ? It is a sad, sad place.
I must get to finishing my doll of Katsuya now. Then catch up on the reading I failed to do yesterday. Perhaps more will come for me to write later.

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