Saturday, February 19, 2005

Dampered Mood
While I thought Friday night would be great... Brittney, Catherine and I were gonna go out to eat, go to the mall, see a movie, and hang out for my birthday. But.. you know when you don't belong. Brittney and Catherine have known eachother so long, they always have something to talk about and things they remember they used to do... and I stand there as if I'm invisible. Most of the time, I feel invisible. I thought I found some friends, some good friends, people who wanted to be around me, a place where I belonged. I realize I disillusioned myself to think that I belonged with them... but now I see it isn't so. I'm heartbroken, yes, but I shouldn't have put up my hopes to begin with. I basically shoved myself off a cliff and now I'm enjoying the fall. It hurts, but... maybe this time I'll finally get that I don't have a place among people. I'm here by myself, now and always. For 17 years it's been that way. Why would it change now? A loner I truly am. Whether I like it ... or whether I don't ... It's not for me to decide what I am. Because, no matter who I pretend to be, people still never seem to want me around or care about me more than everyone else. Things are just like that. Maybe I should grow up and get that idea stuck in my head before I end up approaching another cliff that only looks like a molehill. Hm...

Comments (3)