Monday, February 21, 2005

Bleehh
I have a long day ahead of me. I need to stop by Barnes and Noble sometime today to see if they have Volume 9 of Yu-Gi-Oh!. I have two lab reports to do, Mr. Ryan was real mean to do that. I might do one today and one tomorrow. They shouldn't take too long.
For anyone who didn't see the post below, I posted a new fanart of Gaara, it took me 5 hours or so to sketch and paint it. So yeah, take a look see if you're bored.
I'm still angry that the mail isn't delivering today. I really want my hoodie... Maybe it'll come tomorrow .... naahh. What're the chances? I'm not gonna bother even hoping. Oh well, I suppose I'll live.
I'm angry with Diana//Aqua, whatever the hell you wanna call her. Her life revolves around her friend Alek and I'm riding in the back seat after being around for her for so long. The other day she was all upset [I probably already told this story but you're gonna listen again!] and left in a huff so the next day I asked her if she was Ok and stuff and said how even if I wasn't right next to her physically I'd always be there if she needed me and it took a lot for me to come out and say that because I just don't tell people those things, specially not her. She said thanks and all was well .. except after that she didn't even talk to me. "So anyway, what're you up to?" I finally ask. "Talking to Alek." Whoa my fucking gosh! Who'd of thought?? Yesterday I helped her get reference images for a picture she was making and I really helped her out and crap, and then she comes and she's like "Do you have such-and-such song?" "Why?" it wasn't the kind of music she listened to, "Alek wants it" "..." Of course, me being a pushover dumbassed nice person I sent it over. Then what? "Do you know anything about keyboards? Blah blah blah" I explained what I knew and then she tells me it's for Alek. WTFH? I'm sick of hearing about Alek!! If Alek wants to find a keyboard she can go fucking read an article herself on the internet, there are PLENTY OF THEM. I'm not as pissed off as I sound, but I sure was an ass to Diana yesterday after that. I'd rather just not talk to her anymore but then she'd be all "ohh what's wrong? you said blah-ba-blah-ba-blah~~~!" Like it isn't obvious. People suck, I'm getting very sick of them. All this in one weekend? Would it be unfair to say this weekend sucked because of that? Well, even without that it did suck. A lot of depression. Not that that's anything new but, with feeling abandoned by Brittney and Catherine and then Diana who AGAIN FOR THE SECOND TIME obviously prefers to talk to someone else over me. I don't care. She isn't worth my time. I'll go to school on Wednesday having been reminded of what I've known for so long, but tried to forget. Just how alone I am. How alone I'll always be...
I've come up with a theory ... The reason I seek to adopt a child, which is something I constantly ponder over, is to have someone to pour my affections out to. I'll never find a guy I can do that with... But a child. A broken child, abandoned, lost and alone will surely welcome my love with open arms. Though the issue of the missing father does concern me, because I'm majoring in Child Psychology [I think I still need to change that on my sidebar info] I should be able to make up for what a father would bring, or at least I'd know what was missing and could try... Yeah.. Yeah. That's my theory.

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