You have AYA angst. Oh dear. We're talking uber-angst here. You've lost those dear to you, leaving you cold and ruthless with a thirst for revenge that will never be quenched. And the guilt! Don't lets get started on the guilt. The only hope for you is to find a vocation to take your mind of things, or better still, a soul mate to pull your eartails until you feel better.
Congrats you got Aya. Wow what did you do to make him like you. The only girl hes ever liked was his sister. But this boy will treat you right. It doesnt matter if he doesnt talk much. You got a good one.