Tuesday, March 22, 2005

New fanart
I finally finished my painting of Pharoah Atemu, I'm very proud of it. I'm gonna get a picture frame for it and hang it up in my room. It'll be an antique someday and I'll look back and say, "This was the first painting I've ever done in acrylic paint." And yeah, I already posted it in my fanart section so I'd love if you go and take a look.
Besides that, there isn't really anything to say. My depression has returned, not as severe as it's been but it's quite lingering. It drains my energy, gives me headaches and makes me want to fade to black. And to make it worse, there's this guy ... and I keep wanting to tell him how much I like him but I've concluded it's better to leave him alone. I'd never stand a chance and.. well. He has a girlfriend too ... I told Patrick about it and he was like, "Well, you're hotter than him anyway" and I was like, "Um, thanks but what does that have to do with it?" Sometimes I wonder if people tell me things like that just to make me feel better or if maybe they see something I don't. I don't want to be like the girl who you think is the prettiest thing you've ever seen but she's in denial about it or something. Cause that's annoying. But I'm not going to be conceited about it either or anything. I dunno. [sigh] I wish I could die .. again. What's stopping me from dying? ... I dunno. Maybe there's the smallest light of hope in me that says it'll get better.. I hope it will. Then I wonder though.. if I'm as pretty as everyone says.. why isn't anybody interested in me? Is my personality that bad? ... Patrick said the other day he wondered that too, why I don't have a boyfriend that is and I said I didn't know and asked if I was really that ugly or something and he was saying I wasn't ugly at all ... and that I had big boobs. I was a little shocked then he reassured me that guys like big boobs but I was like Ok, just shut up .... Yeah today I had my confession ready and everything for the guy I like and.. he never came around like he usually does and... I need to get over it. It hurts too much to care anymore..
PS: As you can see I fixed the page up a little. I even have a title. Wow.

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