Friday, March 25, 2005

   It's like wheather fortold my emotions...
It's Almost as if the Wheather knew today was going to be a long fucking gloomy/depressing day.

Mood: Fucking Human Emotions
Listening to: Track 14 -Bad religion (The emipire strikes first)
Reading: Traditional living in Japan
Watching: Collateral

Today, March 24, 2005, on a Tursdayh, will forever be marked on my calender as the worst day of my go forsaken life. Now I usually don't like to nag about how bad life is or anything like that..but this was just something that I had to get out before it ate through me and lashed out at all the people around me. A lot of you might not understand, or even find it a big deal...but this was a VERY big deal. If you knew the WHOLE story from start to finish you'd understand my pain. For the past few years(3-4 1/2) I'v liked my best friend michael. But it wasnt just a crush , it was bigger than that. I cared ssooo much for him. We're as close as two people could be without being together. And we did a lot of things that couples would do. I got so many mixed feelings about michael. More times than not, it would seem that michael liked me. But then other times it wouldnt.

My firend Justin told him 3 days ago that i liked him but didnt tell me that he did so i was like "did he tell him or didnt he??! 0.@"and so i tohught that michael didnt know. I went over to his house(wed) and watched a movie adn i liked used him as a pillow lol, I was like so happy cause that was a first for me lol. And I kinda took it as a good sign >.>..heh..which was stupid and naive of me..

Justin just has a nack for telling people important things like this.He tells me right in 4th period. ><. And yeah, I got a little teary, it took so much will power to not cry my heart out in front of everyone, but I some how managed it. From that moment to the end of the day, it felt like total Hell.

I asked him why and he said he liked the way things where and didnt want things to change, as well as he cant choose who he likes. I understood, but I was still kinda hurt, :/.

Well as of know I dont know what to do cause if i keep hanging out with him the way that i do then ill never stop liking him. But if i distace myself it'll mkae me feel even sadder. Damn it >< im so goddamn confused

Im thinking that if i find someone new, ill be able to get over him and just start anew. But i ono

Tomorrow is going to be horrible, thank god Its a short day. My friends and I were planning on going to his house tomorrow but now im not sure if i want to go. It'll be to hard, I so emotional ! >< DAMN U EMOTIONS! just go away ;_;

To the people who actually read the whole thing, I thank you sssooo SO much ! :') i really apreciate it.

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