Listening to: "I Alone" - LiveWatching anime w/ my mother is amusing. Last night, I discovered that she loves Hikaru no Go, especially Akira and Sai. What I don't understand is how she knew that Sai was a guy but thought Haku was a girl. Perhaps it had to do w/ the dubbing (we have HnG in Chinese).
Anyway, the latest episode of Naruto got me thinking about the past year. Haku talked about how he had no reason to live when he stopped being "useful." That reminded me of when I bemoan my "useless" existence. I've realized that I constantly seek praise, like Naruto, b/c I can't acknowledge my own worth. So many times I've been beaten down that I have to rely on others to lift me up. I fear failure b/c sometimes I think it takes away my reason for existence. Haku's death always saddened me even though I'm not exactly sure why. He never really lived for himself, but he was content w/ serving Zabuza. Considering his past, things couldn't have been different. Maybe what saddens me the most is that he didn't have a choice in how to live his life. He is right about the most painful feeling in the world is that of feeling unwanted.
It's interesting how Haku, Naruto, and I are alike and yet so different. Haku and Naruto are like ice and fire. They seem to be opposites, but they're both elements w/ great destructive power. Haku is ice b/c he has hardened himself to become an emotionless weapon. He made himself numb to the suffering of others (although Sasuke and Naruto change that). On the other hand, Naruto is fire b/c he is able to feel strong emotions, which makes him volatile. He is passionate about accomplishing his dream and will stop at nothing to reach his goals, but he recognizes that others have dreams too. I'm in the middle. I've been told that I'm a cold individual, but people have also said that I can really feel for others. The fire burning in me is what keeps me from being a tragic figure, but sometimes its only a flicker. Nevertheless, it's there, reminding me that I the world does need me, that I can make a difference.
Quote of the day:
"I realized it was the most painful thing...that in this world...I am a person who is unwanted." - Haku
Ringing in the new year w/ bloodshed