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Friday, July 8, 2005

   this sucks
im depressed as ever.....me and my best friend spent maybe about a week apart the whole summer and we're both going to chruch camp...thing is...chruch camp will probably suck....wich only adds to my depression.....i've been feeling a whole lot of pain...alot of it...even as i type right now im about to double over in pain...it feels like someone is probing my lungs and just below my rib cage with sharp pointy things....i've tried to hide the pain from my friends...but when i doupled over in pain at the youth group pool party...didn't help...my friend thinks im bleeding internally because he saw me cough up blood or something....im talking to my mom again! fun side...she is buying me a new computer and sending it to me...my brother will be pissed...but he hates her...i love her, he once said "i don't want anything else to do with her" so it's his falt that he didn't get the computer :P .... someone kinda lifted my spirits today...and then all at once made me pissed off again i really wantt to not be mad at him...because i love him...but still, for some reason i can't help but be mad at him for something.. im going insane again.. but what they said to me, although normal, just seemed to touch me O_o;; yeah that is weird huh? i have recently decided...that i want to strangle chris (yoshi)....but at the same time i want to hug him to death...i want to strangle him because is such a goofball... got in a fight with someone because he thinks that secretly i want to feel love...got kinda pissed because i would care if someone left me...that makes me sound heartless yeah...also i have been collecting peoples souls..and pants and i have slaves to those who wont lemme have their souls but will let me own them O_o..... oww the pain keeps getting worse and worse it hurts alot....>.< i just kinda want to die now...last time the pain got so bad that i passed out anyways im ganna go now before i pass out -__-; well i'll talk to you guys later ~jennifer~
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Monday, April 11, 2005

   im so confused right now
lot has happened to me since last time i wrote....my life just seems to be falling in around me as i type, i have been getting bitchier and bitchier to. i try to have a good attitude and tolerence for stuff, but i just can't do that. the simplist of stuff has been sending me over the edge latley.... like all my friends have suddenly turned on me for being "heartless" torwards them or something but i valued my friend above family.... theres alot of other stuff....i started crying at school im so pissed at myself for crying in public....hell i pissed for crying strait out i hate showing any sign on weakness and crying is considered a weakness in my book....alot of other stuff has been happining...like my dad thinks he can control what i feel and what i like....he thinks he can get away with just letting some of my needs fly....i know that sounds like im a spoiled brat but im not...my brother is....he got a new flat screen TV for his birthday..then my dad said i could get a cell phone for my birthday then he turns and says that i can't get one till i can pay for it myself...and when brian got his new flat screen TV they took away the xbox and gave it to him...they told me i could still go in his room and play it and i was like what the fucking hell? i know it sounds like something nice and like they didn't really take it from me...but they did they did: it's in his room im not even allowed in there unless it's to play the game now....and even though i hate him i don't go into his room because i NEVER let him in mine it just isn't fair. there more he put a hole in my wall the same weekend a BIG hole and he can see into my room now and im PISSED about it then later that night my best friend took me and my brother and his friend to the skateing ring and spent about 50 dollars on them and they got us kicked out then they turned around disrespected her alot....tey shot eachother with needles and shiskabob sticks with my brothers b-b gun and then they bought him a new one because the one they where shooting eachother will broke..


that was such a bad day that when i called my dad to tell him my dad ended up getting mad at me so i hung up on him...then when he called back and i anwered i threw the phone at the wall.....

then something nice happens the mini-con comes and i get to do more then go but i am acturally in charge of gaming! i was so happy that i got tp spend almost 42 whole hours around anime! then i had to go home.....then second i walked through the front door i wanted to cry again

also when i said my dad and his girlfriend didn't even meet my needs i ment ACTURAL needs not like i need this to be done now i mean i NEEDED something and they told me to deal with it...wich made most of the mini-con hell for me.....because i needed something...so when my dad went to take me to the set up of the mini con he got me what i needed but didn't give it to me...if you don't know what it was i needed then your probably better off not asking......

but something funny did happen to me today when i was in line waiting to get my picture taken ( it was picture day) i grabbed my stomach because i had a cramp...( i don't usuallycare aout cramos because they don't bother me much but i was really tired and i had been standing awhile and i didn't have as much tollerence for pain and i know what your think you think " how could she put that" or " how is that funny?" nwell read on) then my ex-boyfriend who was still my friend turned around and saw me holding my stomach and he asked me why and i said " because it hurt?" he then asked " did you eat" and i thought for a moment because i really didn't eat much and i eventually said " yeah" he then turned and said " ohh i get pains like that sometimes"

it was the funniest thing ever i cracked up because he said that he got cramps like me sometimes...if you don't get that your an idiot...think for a moment im a girl...and i had a cramp....( if you still don't get what that means you need to IM me or something)


i thought it was funny....but my friend who has a big crush on me emmbaressed the hell out of my today...today it was really hot on the bus so i took of my caot and my over shirt (( im used to wearing two shirts because i play soccer so it feels natural to me)) well i was wearing a purple spegetti strap and a white under shirtr (( i had three shirts on a blue one a puple spegetti strap and a whit on that covered part of my shoulder)) anywho a few moments later he told me i was bouncing.....i slaped him and put my coat back on and continued to yell at him for a number of reasons because i don't like him like that AND i really can't stand people staring at my breast....or any part of me for that matter it just grosses me out >.< i was so fucking pissed and im pissed right now i feel awful to like im ganna acry again but who gives a damn? not me because it i cry i'll shoot my self ( not literally) anyways u have to go now bye!


~doko din: did you know that my school now has manga?!~
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

   umm
well im back at yahoo now, sorry i havn't posted inforever....but gaia got banned from our school...and that sucks means that going to the library during lunch to get on gaia is pointless....


umm i have no idea, i just found out that my friend from first hour is my cousin...O_O;;

aslo the way that they want me to type in keyboarding sucks, because it hurts my hands to type like that. im used to typing with only like 4 fingers, but they want me to use all of my hand wich i can't do because i broke my hand and didn't go to the doctor so my hand is really messed up now. i type way faster with only 4 fingers

blegers i've been awfull latley..... my eyes keep rolling so i don't wear my contacts as often because they could go behind my eye >.<....and latley i have been feeling awfull, like really sick awfull....one day i like lost control of my hands when i was supposed to be tacking notes in class, yeah that really sucked....and the other day i threw up in 6th hour

i stayed home yesterday and i feel somewhat better now besides from falling asleep in my contacts wich was bad >.<

since i've gone back to yahoo i have been talking to chris and the others alot more now, so i feel much better now because i am talking to my friends alot more

i also made a list of people that i don't hate....i had trouble finding more the 15 names but i did it....i wrote it on my mirror with dry erase marker.....i was also drawing on my computer screen XD.....i went over to my friend skye's house for about 5 weekends in role then my cousin stephanie came over, we found out we where cousins while she was at my house XD lol anyways im ganna go now

~doko din: bleg i can't decide if life is good or bad~
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Sunday, January 2, 2005

   it's a test
i was taking a test and i got this weird test result >_< well i mean i can't tell head from tail in this picture

Take the Which Black Daisies Character Are you Quiz?

You are Mercy. Your favourite instrument in your bleak little world is your eyeliner and Raven black Manic Panic lipstick. You dress like you're going to an 18th Century funeral. You hate daytime, you're prone to hang out in clubs, sitting alone or with friends who look like you with a solitary candle and a glass of red wine at the table. You still listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Christian Death (but you loathe Valor), and Anne Rice is a brilliant writer to you. Some people call you pretentious, you just say that the world will never understand you.

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   im still happy!!
WOW im soooooooooooooooooo happy right now...yet the depression is catching on me >_<....but let's get off that subject for a lil while i like being happy....sometimes....anyways tonight i bought pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohhyeah and ummm...i stayed up all night and all that stuff...lemme see here umm i meet up with a few of my friends and my cousin still insist im lesbo >_<......*kills gaia* it wont lemme put on pant's


i changed my website thingie lookie or whatever becase i umm...have no idea...i didn't really like the cream colers...if isn't black then it should be bright red or something >.> my new background is hellsing XD i love that show soooo much arucard (alucard) is dracula!!! sooo cool XD ok yeah ok umm i have this new thing about mixeing anime in with rock songs or something...XD yeah well umm i'll post one in a couple of days because yoko still has the lyrices to that one song...umm it's a christian song....dang i need to go back to church O.O....yeah umm my dad doesn't take me so i forgot all the songs i learned...um it's like angels "we heard while on high" or something the song that came from it is "angels yoh has heard while high" yeah i got the idea while looking at a fanart picture off shaman king...umm if the person who drew that reads this tell me i'll give you credit XD...umm yeah ok...>.> on to other thing school starts tomorrow *crys* i don't wanna get back...i didn't get drunk once this new year or burn something but dad told me i could burn the christmas tree later MWUAHAHAHAHAH *calms down* i should go now buh bais


~doko din: ummm...errrmm....uhhh..*brians explodes for even trying to think XD*~
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   im like saved!! dude!! XD!!
yay omfg.....im too happy shortest depresion ever!!!!!!!!!! but i spoke to yoshi a lil while ago....OMG!!!! sad thing though is that his ticklelishness broke!! i was soo mad >_< but ohwell......someone ganged up on him and tickled him untilol he was no longer ticklish...ohhyeah i really needed a good fight so he fought me...and yeah he used god mode damn him >_< but fear none i poked both his eye's out and made him do the disco dance.....he is the closest person to me acturally closer then yoko (brittany) how you ask when yoko is my sister in whom i share all my time with? well uhhh that's another story for another time...o.o *luaghs nervously* anyways...IM WAY TOO HAPPY i shouldn't be this happy but i can't help it...i was so happy i stoped fighting this dude on gaia and let him kill me!! seroeusly anyways i need to stop yelling about how happy i am....yet i still feel my life is worthless XD anyways i guess i'll go now *sighs* i miss yahoo.............


~doko_din: i hate life soo much but im to happy to complain~
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