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fireflykisses02
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dark_dragon_princess
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Birthday
1986-08-02
Gender
Female
Location
Middle Earth o.o
Member Since
2004-01-06
Occupation
elven dragoness ambassador from Middle Earth *wink*
Real Name
Heather
Personal
Achievements
Bel Canto... singing rocks!
Anime Fan Since
I met Dani
Favorite Anime
Wish Series
Goals
college... almost... there....
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writing, singing, puter work, and imagining
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I can speak Elvish, and a few other languages
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myOtaku.com: dragon princess
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
UGH
Hey all.
Just another day in the fucking paradise that is my life. Right now I’m just pissed, which will promptly lead to being upset (part anger and part sadness) to sadness, to depression, to pure and unadulterated self loathing. Call me crazy, but, oh wait. I am.
You know, it’s not like my family had any choice in the matter of moving. I know most of u would probably find a lot of my situation an amusing redneck joke, but hey, whatever. The point is, my family used to live on a dairy farm in southern Wisconsin. It was my great-grandfather’s farm on my step dad’s (the guy I call dad) side, and I grew up there. Most of my life I was a country girl. And I loved it. Huge spaces, privacy... You name it.
But it didn’t work out. And thirteen years of struggling on a farm ended with an auction, a lot of arguments, and tons of hurt feelings. Then we moved to the suburbs. For a while I was uncomfortable. Now living here is one of the highlights in my life. I’m almost eighteen years old, and a total black sheep in my family anyway. You’d think that my decision to be happy about where I am would make my parents happy. Hell no. Now it’s Heather is such a bad person because she wants to stay here. You know what? Fuck you. God, their whole attitude sucks. They hate this place, and because they haven’t looked at it in any good way, they always will. I have friends, a life, a boyfriend I love, so why the hell would I want to stay? So yeah that was the dinner conversation tonight. Noting like being the collective freak of the house, not to mention my extended family as well.
I was looking at a photo album that my grandmother (my dads side) made for one of my younger sisters, and I sort of watched myself slip away from them as the years went by. First it was just the look, the faraway eyes of someone who didn’t quite belong there. Then it was the way I stood apart, just a step further from everyone else. Then finally and still, it’s a mix of the look, the distance, and the image. I’m so different from all of them. My mother won’t let me contact my birth father’s family until I’m eighteen, and I know my real dad hit her around. I get that’s a hard thing to let go. I let someone beat me around almost all my life, and had a boyfriend stab me and hit me too. I just wish I could see why I’m so strange to them, like maybe there’s a key to my distance. I kind of laughed off my mom’s comment about her co-workers saying that I looked sneaky and conniving in some of my pictures from graduation. Convenient, considering she and my father tell their friends what an evil little bitch I am all the time. Those people don’t know me from Jack, and if they did, I’d still stand there and yell fuck the world to their faces. Notice they probably haven’t heard about my dad sending me to the hospital, or my mother not letting me go to my senior prom. Wow, imagine that.
I don’t know. Everything seems so twisted up all of a sudden. ~sigh~ And I, as always, will deal.
Until the next post.
Love
~heather
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