Sunday, June 18, 2006

Confusion, anger, and mourning.

Time: 2:30am mood: N/A current occupation: wondering about things Well this will be a long post, and you dont have to read it all (I would like for you to though, its im portant to me) 1) The death of a Bunny 2) The death of a cat 3) The Ex's problem 4) regular post 1) The death of a Bunny Snow Ball "little pooper" ?-6/15/06 In loving Memory of Snow Ball the pure white, long eared, rabbit. He deffinetly lived up to his nickname although he was the sweetest little bunny. He lived a sick life with a lot of unpreventable infections, so maybe it was a good thing that he moved on. I know my family and I will miss him very much. He loved to be held and petted. I wasnt there for his funeral and I am sad that I missed it. I hope he is in a better place. He died of an illness qhich is common to rabbits. I wish he didnt have to leave us so soon, he could have only been 4-6 years old. But I guess thats the way life goes. Goodbye my young, sweet, innosent friend. R.I.P. 2) The death of a cat Puddytat "Puddy" 1984-6/16/06 Puddy was a good cat that was often missunderstood. She became a loner and wrather violent at times because of being picked on by my cousins earlier on. She really was a nice cat. Puddy lived a long and full life. In fact, at the age of 22, she was the oldest cat that I personally knew. She had lived in many diffferent places in her life, from South Carolina to Minnesota, but she always was with my grandmother. She had cancer and my mom made the decision to put her down. The funeral was nice though. I stood and held on to a white and pink peace rose while my mom dug the hole. Animals from neighboring yards (including horses, goats, and dogs) gathered at the fence to pay tribute to the fallen elder. Even My cat came to see what was going on and rubbed on my legs for comfort. I wonder how my grandmother will be without her, if she remembers. Goodbye, Puddy. R.I.P. 3) The Ex's problem Well, the other day my ex e-mailed me. He didnt sound like himself, or who he had become wrather. He was saying that he was sorry for putting me through all that he had and how he didnt want to be so mean. He kept saying he didnt hate me. HE told me he has a problem, but said he cant tell me. He also let me know that he thinks he is sick minded. He asked me to forgive him for all that he did to me. I really didnt know what to do. I had big anxiety problbems when we were still talking and still saw eachother at school. Not seeing or hearing from him fo a while helped me to let go more. And now I dont know what will happen. You guys might think im weak for what I did but... I told him he could talk to me if he needed to. I dont know why I let people walk all over me like this. He treated me like trash and when he has a problem, I listen. *sigh* Did I do the right thing? I just dont know. He really surprised me with this. Im so lost. Somewhere in me I still love him. So I dont know if I can handle talking to him again. *sigh* I just dont know. 4) Regular post My sister was really pissed at me. She had a right to be. I borrowed her game cube controller with out asking. She called me at Kya's house and yelled every obscenity known. Then she riped all the pictures out of my sketch book and left with them. She will be in orientation for collage for the next 2 days. But you know THAT is different. I didnt harm her controller. She TORE my pages. and so, I say this to her: "Sis, you are a controlling, self-centered, Bitchy, Hore! I will be glad when you are gone. Im tired of putting up with you're shit. Im tired of being nice and telling myself to not fight back because ill miss you when you're gone. But I dont think I will." that is all. And I WILL get my pay back. You dont MESS with my drawings. ESPECIALLY not THAT sketch book. Ist the one I draw out my emotions in. And she TOOK them. Now I KNOW that stupid controller didnt mean anything to her like those did to me. She never even played it. Such a Brat. Grr. Well I'm tired now. I was going to try and go to sleep early tonight. Bah. *confuses self* Oh well. Good day.

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