Tuesday, December 11, 2007

two lovers fates entwined
two lovers fates entwined but their destinys are divided by a secret that was hid and kept from the other one loves the other and the other isnt quite sure thought things are getting better than before so they are still together and it seems they will be foreever more for their fates are entwined and their lo0ve is divine...


woa i just wrote this and read and realized i was talking bout me and my gf when i was trying to write it for a friend well if you can't tell things a getting better she has finally realized i was tellin her the truth when i pointed out a couple of things to her that ive done so now she has fully accepted me again and things are back to normal except i've got another secret *big evil grin* and if you want to know it you gotta pm me well later.

~rider~
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Friday, December 7, 2007

together again but still alone
together again but still i feel alone you were at my side but then you were gone i told you a secret that ive been hiding something that would change your mind bout me i wasnt going to tell you but i decided to do it anyways because i promised to be honest and true i felt i wasnt unless i told you the secret ive been hiding from you. you said i was lying when i told you you said i was just making fun of you like i always do when i pick on you but the real truth is that i am the way i said therefore you cannot understand why i have been hiding my secret and keeping it from you its because i didnt want to lose you i knew this was going to happen to us if i told you so i prepared my self for the worst to come from you the fact is i still love you but it looks like ive already lost you because even though we are together again i still feel alone...TT___TT
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Thursday, December 6, 2007

   sadness fills my heart TT___TT
i am sad for i finally told her and she thinks different of me now she wont even allow me to touch her she thinks im lying and i went bi just cause she is and she thinks im makin fun of her but the truth is that im not and that i was bi before she knew me but she doesnt believe me i guess i knew this sorta thing was bound to happen well i can say she hasnt broke up with me yet but i think she might i dunno but i do know that i have found hope once again and that is the fact that she might stay with me hopefully or i will have nothing left but a gun and knives i just think though right now she is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that her bf that she thought was completly straight is bi i dunno im gonna go talk to her some more if shell even speak to me well ill update later bye
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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

ummm... problem..o.o;;;;
i havent told my gf bout my situation yet but im trying but its hard because every time i try to tell her she says something before i can say it and then wat she says forces me to change my mind o btw her name i shall share with yall rebekah that is her name spellt the way she spells it well no more poems yet later guys
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Monday, November 26, 2007

   umm is this true bout me?? O.o;;;




What Is Your Emblem?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

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   yay new poem!!! wait thats bad oops...O.O;
Tears inside

These are the tears I cry the tears I feel inside I can't make them come out no matter how hard I try my pride wont let me it has trapped me inside with the tears I cry why is it that im trapped inside why is it when I try to escape I always fail my attempts never succeed so why do I try why don’t I just give up and remain trapped with the tears I cry when everyone sees me they think im happy when in all actuality im crying deep down inside trapped with the tears I cry it seems im drowning at times and others im just alone and sad trapped alone in the darkness with the tears I cry then I wonder why is that I cry inside why don’t I cry on the outside then I remember its because of my pride I want everyone to think im strong when im actually weak so I just decide to remain alone and trapped inside with the tears I cry.

well i hope yall liked the new poem me im fine a little sad but happy im sad because its raining right now but im happy because i like the rain because when i walk in it its like im crying when the drops land on my face but im not crying tis sad but hey guess wat i solved my problem i got her both the ring and necklace and gave her the necklace for her anniversary i glad she picked it because if things keep going on this way i might ask her the question that makes all women think "am i ready for this?" i think yall know wat question im talking bout well laterz o and as usal id like yalls opininons on the poem and the post night yall

~rider~
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

   HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!
plz someone help me im drowning in a sea of light here it seems that some more good things have happened in the past couple of weeks ive moved out of my bros house and moved in with my grandmal she said i didnt have to pay any bills and that i can keep my check from now on but im goin to help her any ways but ill be able to put more money back well my gfs and mine anniversary is comin up quickly and ive gotten her two gifts one for her b-day and the other anniversary prob is i dunno which to give her the ring or the necklace and for which either way shell get both well i was goin to join the army but my gf rebekah said she didnt want me to so out of love and respect for her i didnt im goin to be able to see her this thanksgiving before i wasnt but things seem to be workin out other than me and her livin so far apart its strenous but its working i dunno how lovg its goin to last though for these past 11months and some odd weeks its been weird ive been dumped sent into deep depression brought out by you guys and started dating one of my best friends tis weird plus im bout to tell her something that is going to change the way she looks at me o well its late in the day and i havent had any sleep so i shall say goodnight and farewell for now i shall post again soon hopefully with a new poem dunno yet well later

rider
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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

   scary new feelings O.O;!!!!
well i thought bout it long and hard and i took a friends advice i talked her into letting me take her to a special place that i like to go when the sun is setting it is very beautiful and calming i took her to a dam where i like to fish and swim we sat in the car and talked about each others past i tried to keep the focus on hers instead of mine but she remained strong and now she knows my past my history and the bad memories that made me well me it was hard i kept getting pissed off at my self for showing weakness lucky we was there and i had given her the car keys because i was forced to hear and listen to the water crash onthe shore and the crickets and frogs sing she understood wat i was going through it was hard for her too i could see for she has never for the 3 years ive known her cried if front of anyone and there she cried on my shoulder in my arms it was weird i felt nothing but love and compassion the very emotions ive tried to kill are the emotions that seem to shine through the darkness within me i guess u could say she melted into my arms but after she got done crying and we got done talking she kissed me with a kiss full of passion like the one my ex gave me when she finally told me face to face we were over but this kiss this kiss was different it was a kiss of life at first i didnt understand wat was going on then i completely understood i made her fall in love with me the very thing i try to prevent happened but it is also the reverse i have fallen in love with her she has made me though promise to stop trying to kill myself and stop cutting and i told her as long as she stopped cutting i would make it a promise and so far things are great i feel weird like im human around her but when im alone and with my brother and his family at home its like the animal takes over and im back in my depression again i dont understand why it wont let me remain the same well i hope yall are doin fine guess ill read yalls comments later bye
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Monday, November 5, 2007

aaaahhh well i got news
lets see its both good and bad the news is that my new gf and mines anniversary is comin up on the 28th of this month so im stuck trying to sort out feelings that are confused feelings of love hate and happiness ive bout got it taken care of though because this gf is better than the last one it seems the more im around her the more human i become the beast is receding calming back down allowing its self to be controlled the hatred is there it will always bethere it seems but the attacks against myself have finally ceased im glad and sorry to say that im falling in a realm that is truly unknown for she has managed to get past my guards every last one of them it seems that she is hugging the true me pushing and forcing her body against it trying to pull it to the surface once more and it seems to be lowly working for i am feeling the pain and sorrow no more it seems i can trust her wholy and not fear being hurt i hope and pray that i dont get hurt again for if i do i dont know whatll happen but one thing is for sure i wont last long in the world wounded doc said that i have some than wrong with my blood and that it is thinnin rapidly he said if it got too thin i could die so i guess you could say my time is limited anyways im thinking bout taking my new gf out so watyall suggest red lobster or some fancy place well as usal i gotta get to bed so i can have some kinda sleep for work tonight bye
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

life depressing isnt it??? enjoy the short poem
sooooo wats new been awhile i guess well i would be posting like i used too if my bro would've payed the internet bill but he didnt he fergot so they became asses and cut it off so now im at the place where all the smart people go the place called the library yech!!! now im surrounded by books and i feel how do you say ;like burning the place down maybe eh any way im fine me and my new gf are still going steady we have yet to kiss but we do hold hands and give each other hugs im not sure im really ready for another meaningfull relationship yet but owell ill give anything a try at least once so how is everyone no one else feel suicidal like me i hope man the thought keeps runin through my head dont understand why either guess life has decided it hates me well im fine now just a little sad and depressed because today is my ex's and mines 2 year anniversary i got her ablack rose and gave it to her she just took it and started crying as i walked away from her front door i swear i felt her emotionally screaming dont go i still love you but hey ya know how that goes well gotta get to bed ill try sometime this wekk to get back on but i caint promise anything later guys

sad and lonely curled in a ball why didnt you come when i called?

sad and lonely curled into a ball in the darkness i fall i wish you were here to see the pain that you have brought upon me i havent heard from you in a long while and when we do talk it seems you dont want me around im sorry if i havent lived up to wat you wanted me to be but why must you torture me if you dont want me then tell me so you can just throw me against the black road while you go down the road doin 80 ill been lying there watching you leave plz tell me if you still want me or just plz let me go for i caint handle this anymore the blood is flowing from my wrist even more now i dont know how much longer i can hold on before my mission is completed before i find the peace i need ill just be lying here bleeding waiting to hear from thee...

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