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Thursday, June 23, 2005
I Saw Roy Kissing Santa Claus
Ed woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one naked box that looked like a toilet paper.
Then Ed noticed that Roy was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Ed thought that he would surprise Roy. Maybe even sneak up behind him and lick him on his poopy toe nail. That always made Roy girly.
Ed crept funkedly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its stupid lights, and the presents, heaped up stupidly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Roy. Kissing someone.
Ed was so angry, he picked up a thong from a table and threw it quickly under a blanket.
They both looked around.
"Roy, you horny pony!" Ed yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Ed looked and then rubbed his tongue and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Roy said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a hot kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Ed said retardedly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be easy."
That seemed reasonable. Ed went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a drowning butterfly. He made Ed's sholder blade feel all trashy.
"You see?" Roy said easily and Ed saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
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