Saturday, May 7, 2005

Massive headaches and general fluffy angst.
Over just the past few days my paranoia, insomnia, random aches and pains, clumsiness, and migraines have gotten a lot worse. I don't know what it is, but something's definitely been off.

But today, *looks at watch* or rather, yesterday, have been especially bad. But at least I found out that if I come to school crying, people pay attention to me. Not that I plan to do it often, mind you. You see, this morning, it suddenly popped into my head that my twenty page report would look nicer if it were double spaced, instead of single. So I asked my mom if I had time to print something, and she said I did. So I started printing it, but it took a while, and my mom got really angry. Then, when we we rushing out of the house, I accidentaly let the screen door close. I usually hold it for my mom, but I was trying to get to the car quickly, and If I don't hold it, mom usually has her foot out to hold it anyways. But today, of course, she didn't. I realized what happened and was about to apologize, and my mom just started yelling at me, and accusing me of things I really can't control, or that I don't do. While she was yelling, all I could think to say was, "I'm sorry." Over and over. She just said that I should be. She apologized later, bought me coffee, and she meant she was sorry, but still... All day, I just kept on thinking about all the things people have said about me in the past year or so- "stupid" "burden" "ugly" "lazy" "selfish" "self-centered". I try not to be those things, I really do (well, except ugly, since whether or not I am, I have no control over it). But after while, even I start to wear down. I'm not looking for sympathy, or fishing for compliments. I just had a bad day, and I wanted to get some stuff off my chest. I'd rather talk to someone about it, but that usually involves a phone, and I'd rather my mom doesn't hear this. In any case, I just wish I could do something that would make my mom happy. She's been so stressed out. And my sister. And a lot of my friends. I'd like to help all of them be happier.

And then after that, I need a night with some coffee, warm rubarb pie, a good book/graphic novel (or a sketchbook and pencils, depending on my mood), and someone to use as a pillow. Yes, someone, not something. People makes better pillows than pillows do.
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Friday, April 22, 2005

   U2
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. There, I think I got all my "OMG"'s out. Wait, no, one more. OMG. Just last night I went to Denver and saw U2 in concert. Next person I hear who says that U2 sucks, or that they're outdated, or that Bono should retire, or whatever, I'm going to strongly (and possibly violently) oppose. I've never been to a big concert before. I'd say this is a pretty good first real concert-type thing. It was so awesome!!! I can't even explain how cool it was... except for this: I am normally a quiet to medium volume person. When I am loud, it generally doesn't last too long. I shouted, screamed, and sang along with the band for about two hours. I swear, I sang as much as Bono did. Now my lungs and voice are kinda blown out, but it was totally worth. Totally, totally, totally, absolutely, no questions asked, worth it.

Did I mention it was awesome?
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

   Confuzzled.
I've been invited to three different sleep overs on the same night... um... I kinda haven't mastered telportation yet. This might be a little tough. I could try and put two sleepovers together, but... gah... that still leaves with with two choices... there's gonna be Fullmetal Alchemist at one, as well as a chance to get to know some newer friends better, but at the other two I get to hang with some good friends I don't see all that often... *sniff sniff* Why can't they all take place on three consecutive weekends? Well, maybe my grades'll suck so bad I get grounded, and then I won't have to make a choice.
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Monday, April 4, 2005

Art
By the by, I've submitted a small amount of art. If it's not accepted, I'll be pissed.
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   !!!RANT WARNING!!!
Mien Gott im Himmel. No, I'm not becoming a frequent poster again, but I feel the urge to well... rant.

Oh yes, it's one of these again, yeah, you know the ones. Those rants that I do late at night when I should be sleeping. Those rants where my mind and mood both swing faster than Tarzan on steriods, and for those of you who don't know, that's really freakin' fast. But, unbeknownst to you, these rants that merely seem haphazard are actually well thought out and edited pieces of literature. I swear. Anyways.

Hey, my knuckles just popped twenty or so times in a row. (So tempted to pull a Largo and tell you all to watch me set my pants on fire, but I'd rather not.)

Ya' know, I'm not one to believe in horoscopes. But this one seems kinda fitting for me right now:

"Valid during many months: You should be very careful under this influence. First, your physical vitality will not be as great as it could be. You may become weakened by a variety of ailments, if you are not careful. Avoid exposure to illness, and if possible don't use any type of drugs, prescription or otherwise. Be sure to eat the proper foods and stay away from dietary regimens that involve giving up a particular kind of food for philosophical reasons. Unfortunately your body does not live on philosophy! Iron deficiency or similar debilitating conditions are a great danger at this time.

In your relationships, make absolutely certain that you present yourself to others as clearly and as straightforwardly as you can. Do not leave people in any doubt about your intentions or your position on any matter. If others have any reason to misunderstand you, they will, and they are likely to work against you because misunderstanding easily turns to fear or mistrust. For the same reason, avoid any involvement in underhanded or devious schemes, for they probably will work to your detriment. Work only with people whom you can trust and communicate with, so that if there are any accidental misunderstandings, you and they can straighten them out without becoming suspicious of each other. Give anyone who enters your life now plenty of time to prove that he or she is honest before you place a great deal of trust in that person.

The problem at this time is that defeats in connection with others can be unusually debilitating. Feelings of discouragement and futility are a great danger and can make you want to give up, thus creating even worse results. If you are not careful, you may come out of this period feeling very badly about yourself.

If you follow these precautions, this influence can show you a very spiritual dimension to life. You can become aware of a deeper meaning in life than you have ever been aware of before. The problem is that the road to this understanding is full of snares and delusions that you must carefully find your way through. "

Does all of that not sound like me? Seriously, it's weird. I've been so tired lately, and not really all that healthy. Sure, I never sleep much, but for the last few days, it's been even worse. And my mom says I'll sleep BETTER if I exersize. Sure thing. Not. I can't get comfortable, or I'm too busy thinking, or imagining (Dude, being a jedi would be cool.), or just closing my eyes and counting as high as I can, or listening to music. No matter what, my brain refuses to turn off. I'm starting to think the suggestion I was given of beating my head against something hard until I pass out isn't such a bad idea. Yeah, I could just take some sleeping pills, but stuff that makes you drowsy has never worked on me, and it's not nearly as entertaining as the alternative. Admit it, it isn't. Hasn't everyone at one point harbored a secret urge to see someone knock themselves out just to get some sleep? I know I haven't. No, really, I haven't.

Hey, lookit that! Chocolate in my easter basket. Mmm... Heh. My older cousin was the easter bunny at k-mart. He must hate his job. Jus' thought everyone needed to know that.

My head really, REALLY hurts. But, I don't think I should go rooting through the medicine cabinet in the dark. Wait. My family doesn't have a medicine cabinet. Actually, I don't think my dad even keeps anything besides headache medication around. You know why? Because he never gets sick. You know what else? I'm not at my dad's house right now. If I were, I'd be watching a movie and eating popcorn, instead of ranting on the otaku while my little sister sleeps on the couch in the living room, therefore depraving me of the opportunity to watch "Saving Private Ryan", which I'm kinda required to watch for school.

Back to that horrorscope for a moment (yes, I meant to type "horrorscope"), I think I do have an iron deficieny. My mom has been saying I have one, and it would explain why I crave burgers and steak all the time and why I'm so tired. It all makes sense now! Cool, I have a reason to go and eat a bunch of meat. Yum. Meat...

I'd go back to what I was talking about, but what's the point. Who's reading all of this anyways?

Oh, I think I found my new current theme song, as it changes every few weeks or so. Here it is:

"I saw an angel in blue jeans today
and felt as she melted all my bitterness away

You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat
so let it be and let them free
so you can hover low above the ground

You look so tired, you've got moonbeams in your eyes
and if I believed I know you'd be the first to fly

You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat
so let it be and let them free
so you can hover low above the ground

I'll find
sunshine
sometime soon

How can I miss anything about you
when I don't even know what your name is?
I feel like I know you as well as I know the sun
so please tell me where is my sunshine now"

Am I boring you? Thought so. So I finish with a few simple statement, and then I shall conclude.

1) Fullmetal Alchemist kicks ass.

2) Don't worry about me. I'll be fine come morning.

3) P|-|34|2!

Which brings me back to my original point: Don't give me any drugs.

Guten nacht. ^ ^
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

   Darn it all...
Man... this totally sucks. I shouldn't complain here, but where else am I gonna complain? So yeah. I need about a week off of school. But I can't take a week off of school because I couldn't make up everything I needed to. I have that horrible feeling you get right before you develop a cough. It doesn't hurt, it's just that feeling that you get inside your lungs and throat that makes you feel like there's something off inside of you. I know, you're all sitting there: "Stupid Eio, stay home!" I would if I could, really. But a week is just too much to catch up on.

If I die before the end of this school year, my last will and testament is this:

1. Don't bury me. I'd prefer cremation. Fire is nice. Dan and PhuZi may barbaque me, if they wish.

2. Burn my manga and clothes with me. Not my art. My art is just too damn cool to burn.

3. Be excellent to each other. And party on! (I just watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.)

4. Dang guys, don't take this seriously. I'm only joking.
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Saturday, February 19, 2005

   Damn it, NO. Just no.
Why is the world so screwy? Ok, I'm in a good mood, having a fun time with a friend of mine, Sam(antha). Now, when I went over to her house, something seemed a little off with her mom, but I couldn't place it. So the adults went off to some club and the kids stayed home. We hung out for a while, me, Sam, and my little sister. Then the adults came back early. Now I knew something was up, because the adults avoided all the questions I asked as to why they were back early. Sam knew something was wrong too, and asked if she could sleep over. Her mom said they was no point in her going with us, as it was pretty late at night already. So we left Sam at her house. Turns out her mom was stone drunk, and had gotten in an argument with her stepdad while at the club. So Sam will get to listen to them argue: her stepdad against her drunk mom. She shouldn't have to deal with crap like that. I knew something was up- I should have done something. Tried to convince her mom that Sam should come with us or something. I would have, if I had known. Stuff like this just pisses me off. I worry so much about every one of my friends. I'll call her tomorrow to make sure she's ok. Not to mention I think I've caught some sort of bug standing out in the rain with wet feet all day. I've got chills, and I feel a little feverish. Damn it, this was such a good day at first. I hate stuff like this, I really do. I have enough stress already. *bangs head on keyboard* hjjjjjr,wsrtyuyujjn bo

See, I really did bang my head on the keyboard.
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Friday, February 18, 2005

   What Exists Only Before Dreaming
Jus' a little poem I wrote to keep myself occupied:



Midnight in imagination
Yet in what is real
Sometime around 3am
An unanswered truth
Tossed and turned
(being unable to sleep)
Buried beneath an insomniac's
(me)
waking dreams

On a star cross'd contemplation
(you know, when all comprehension fails)
I found that I understand much more than nothing
But much less than anything at all

Whereas taken upon myself and left behind
Was the tragedy I'm sure
(the tragedy that feeds me)
Also, to my undying lust for questions
I discovered that I have an infinite mind
Where a clash of love and the linear
Seem to possess no power
(either pure or unclean)
Over that which seems to be me

There
In that empty void between creation
And the last quiet moment before true silence
(sleep, that is)
I lay and paused my drifting angst
Only to think
(and to hold the burning within myself)

In faked revelation
Nothing sacred does exist
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

   Umm... more quizzes... shyeah.

Who is Your Ideal Gravitation Guy?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Oh, come on. Picture this guy in real life. He'd be pretty sexy.



What Rurouni Kenshin Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Of course I'd get him. I always get him. Not that it's a bad thing, that it is not.



What Inuyasha Hero Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

And a jealous heart. They forgot to mention that. I also got Inu Yasha, but I decided I liked the Sango result better.



What Spirited Away Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

I'm not sneaky, really...



What Cowboy Bebop Crew Member Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Enjoy action? Maybe... if I weren't so lazy.



What Inuyasha Villain Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Big surprise there. Fluffy-sama!!!



What Personality Do You Have?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Heh... eh heh heh...



What CLAMP Heroine Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Dude. That is so not cool. First I get traumatized, then lose my memory, then I get, like, crucified, then I get stabbed with a sword and die, and after that my body is sliced into many pieces by the wire that held me to the giant cross, and then my head is mourned. I feel sorry for myself.



What is Your Anime Zodiac?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Wha... WTF. Sure, I am a leo, but... but... no, just no.



What Anime Rose Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

This one makes less sense than the last one.



The Anime Friendship Quiz
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Aww... I feel sad now.



What CLAMP School Detective Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Ok, I must give kudos to one part of this quiz. The question was, "Oh no! There's loads of paper work to be done. What do you do?" The answer I got to choose was this: "Haha, paper work? I don't see any. *pushes the pile of paper aside*" This is the coolest answer ever, mostly because, not only is it something I might say or do, I have done this before. Well, in effect.

And w00t, that's all for now, because I've now done all the quizzes at the otaku that I either haven't done before or feel like doing.
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

   Quizzes, cuz I'm borededed.

What is Your Ideal Anime Weapon?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Yep, I'm one of the only girls who would prefer to use a gun. Or a mech. Most others seem to prefer swords or magic or bows and arrows... you get the picture.



Who is Your Saiyan Battle Partner?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

That sounds quite a bit like me...





What Witch Hunter Robin Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Tee hee. Fire...



What Anime Emoticon Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Shweet. ^ ^



What Card Captor Sakura Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Hey! I'm not THAT bad at confessing feelings.



What Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

"And satisfaction brought it back."




What Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

This one creeps me out vaguely. Maybe because it actually sounds like me.



What Azumanga Daioh Character Are You
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

That's me, the space cadet... ^ ^

Okies, that's all, 'cause I've got a lot to think about, a rant to artfully compose, oh, and I have to sleep... sometime... hmm... sleep... it's been so long since... yeah, maybe I'll sleep.



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