Sunday, June 27, 2004

"LIKE WATCHING NEW-BORN BABIES CRACK FROM WORK-RELATED STRESS"
Disclaimer: For anyone who may get in trouble if they're on a site with swearing... this post DOES have a mite of cussing in it....

"Don't tell me how life is
'Cause I don't really wanna know"

RPG or Anime Character by ChaoticSoul
Your Name
Species	Vampire
Hair Color	Blonde
Eye Color	Deep Green
Personality	Confused
Weapon/Power	Broad Sword
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

DON'T BLAME ME!!! It's really, really, really, early in the morning and I'm BORED!!! Heh heh heh... No, I'm not just posting random crap. Well, yes I am, sort of. I'm posting anything that comes into my brain, which is random, but not all of it is crap. I went to the state cemetary today. It smelt like death. It's very beautiful in the snow. In the winter the snow covers everything and it hard to tell what's real, because it all looks the same. Even the clouds like the same world. Or maybe we look like part of the clouds. I suppose it doesn't matter.

"This is my December
These are my snow-covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need"

You know, "who am I?" is such a cliche question. It's reasonable to ask, but it bugs me so much!!! If you don't know who you are, figure it out, don't ask nothingness. Nothingness will tell you nothing but nothing, although that can occasionally be useful.

"We've been mislead
Young and hostile
but not stupid"

Teenagers bug me too. Yes, yes, I am a teenager. I bug myself. It all of the idiotic things we ask and do and think. Teenage depression. I'm not saying it's not serious, but it's always always pointless. Almost. I guess when it's ridiculess it's called ANGST. Moan moan moan. I don't care about my life. I don't really care about other people either. "Why?" Then comes the silence. The ramblings that all come to nothing. Nothingness. If we're all such fools to fall prey to such stupid angst maybe we should all kill ourselves! You know what?! I don't have time to care about angst that means nothing. I need to spend my time thinking about how to help other people, who have REAL problems and actually need help. GOT IT? and then there's teenage love. Now that's a weird thing. It's confusing, because you don't know if it's really love or not. All the adults assume it's just some teenage relationship that doesn't really mean anything, but you feel like it means more. Then you get to thinking the adults just don't understand, but let's face it, they WERE teenagers too. But still, if you can't believe you own heart, what do you believe? Logic? That can only take you so far. It's IRRITATING. Actually, in general, I'm just irritated. WITH THIS DAMN WORLD. I'm sorry for swearing, I don't really like to, but drastic rants call for drastic measures.

"Do you swear?"
"Every damn day."

On the subject of The Mummy...

"I mourn for my ass!"

That's all for The Mummy now. Where was I? Oh yes. THE WORLD. We're so messed up that some people are having delusions AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DAMN COMPUTER DRIVING MY NERVES SO FREAKING HIGH BY LOADING RANDOM SHIT THAT IT DOESN'T NEED AND WAS ALREADY SUPPOSED TO BE LOADED AND INTERRUPTING MY TYPING!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH IT?!?! Erm... sorry about that.... Where was I AGAIN? Delusions, right? I hope so, 'cause I don't want to read back to find out what I was talking about. People are just looking at crap through suger-coated kalidoscopes and calling it beautiful, or they're making it seem like it something worse then crap. Dear oh joy n' shit people, it's just crap!!! The current world situation is just the same thing as what has always been happening as long as humans have formed their own little jacked up groupies and started playing soliders. It's messed up and horrible, but it is HUMAN. I hate it too, all the killing in various disgusting ways for disgusting reasons, but it's human, and as much as I wish I could change it, point is, I CAN'T. People are just gonna go on and on with their sub-standard "truth" and their TV dinners and big cars and forget about people dying. Yeah, in case you didn't know (although i suspect the only people reading this load of insomniac-crazed rant are my friends, and none of this, unless I've forgotten something I wrote earlier, applies to them). Well, anyways... yeah, in case you didn't know PEOPLE ARE DYING. Dying! Killing, killed, kill, dead, deadishness, more dead, dying, deceased. Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead. Eh heh heh heh....

"Never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
Now when I look out my window
And there doesn't seem to be anyone around

And I
I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
Tomorrow's a new day"

God damn. You know how much it hurts when you care about someone so much you only want them to be happy? When you're sure you love them? But they don't love you back in the same way. IT HURTS. And then loving two people, OH that's even BETTER. It's wonderful to be able to love both of them, but it still tears your heart into little tiny inconcivable shreads. Yes I'm being a hypocrite, considering what I said about both teenage love and angst earlier. Shut it. I'm a teenager. Yes, that's my excuse. I DON'T CARE. I'LL BE A HYPOCRITE, SO WHAT? Everybody else in the world is sometimes.

"Maybe I'm just to demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold
Maybe I'm just like my mother
She's never satisfied
Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like when doves cry"

RPG or Anime Character by ChaoticSoul
Your Name
Species	Kitsune (fox demon)
Hair Color	Silver w/ Purple Streaks
Eye Color	Deep Blue
Personality	Determined
Weapon/Power	Daggers
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Back to what I was talking about. It fucking hurts.

RPG or Anime Character by ChaoticSoul
Your Name
Species	Human
Hair Color	Blonde
Eye Color	Grey
Personality	Peaceful
Weapon/Power	Boomerang
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

This is a little scary. My real name is Mairi. My (original) hair color is blonde. My eyes are a sort of grey-blue. Sometimes more gray than blue or vice-versa. And my personality lately has been rather peaceful, except when I'm in a bad mood (like tonight... er... this morning).
Well, anyways. Ha. I don't care who's the next president, as long as we stop FUCKING POINTLESSLY KILLING PEOPLE. I know, I know, I can't change what humans are, but I just decided that I sure as hell can try. I may be a sadistic bitch sometimes (Let's see how many different swear words I can use in one post shall we? *sarcastic happiness*), but I'm trying to be a good person, even if I know I'm not. Why am I trying to be a good person when I know I'm not a good person? 1) Because I still keep up some slight hope that I have a somewhat good soul somewhere inside of me. 2) I'm bored.

To my friends: NO, I am not a good person. I don't care what you say, everything you knoe about me may be a part of me, but it's what's deep inside that counts, and none of you have seen that yet.

"Before the night is through you will see my point of view
Even if I have to scream and shout"

Ack, I don't remember what I was talking about! You know, here's a question: Why shouldn'y we kill people? Really, I can't think of any LOGICAL answer. I wouldn't kill someone, because they have a right to live as much as any person, and no matter who I killed, someone would cry for them. Someone would grieve. I would really only kill to protect someone I care about. But you see, my answer really isn't logical at all, because my reasons simply wouldn't matter to everybody. Another thing you could say, is that not many other species activally or consciously target their own kind, especially specific types of their own kind. If a snakes gonna eat another snake, I doubt it cares if it's a brown snake or a green snake. Well... except for maybe scientific reasons that have to do with insticts and which snake is better to eat. But it certaintly wouldn't care if the other snake wasa different religion... Oy... looking at crap through kalidoscopes, I tell ya. All these religions, I like the bumper sticker PhuZie (or however she spells it now) wants, "God, please save me from your followers." Or something like that. Wow. I have been working on this for more then an hour. Of course, I've been spacing out a lot. And I've been on Gaia. What a life, eh?

"And it feels like Heaven's so far away"

Man I'm tired. Of course, I'm always tired, it's part of my non-existant job-description. Well... you could say I'm a professional insomniac. Hmm... I like that. Professional insomniac. Bet my mom would love that one. And my dad. They'd probably get all worried. Meh. Nothing to worry about. I'm not dead yet, so who cares? I don't. Well, I have nothing more to say. Wow. Out.......of...........words........

"And these memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it doesn't come true?
Or is it somethng worse?"

All problems aside, I love you guys. Everyone. Friend and foe, people I've met and those I haven't. But especially a few people that haven't given up on me yet. Thanks all.


But it's still just crap.

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