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Birthday
• 0002-07-02
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Female
Location
• wishing i was in japan again
Member Since
• 2003-09-24
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• school/work
Real Name
• I'll let you know if you can guess it!
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Achievements
• got accepted into the freshman seminar abroad i was hoping for!!!
Anime Fan Since
• elementary school
Favorite Anime
• anime:Fruits Basket, La Corda D'Oro. Manga:HanaKimi, Death Note
Goals
• graduate from college
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• reading and listening to music
Talents
• learning languages....and science
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Monday, February 20, 2006
venting...ignore me if you want.
 | | i feel like all my friendships are going down the drain. at least with the friends that i have known the longest. like Eula-san...i haven't heard from her in a really long time and she hasn't been on myO for a while, only on xanga now, and has a whole lot of friends where she lives, and now i feel like i am too boring to be around compared to those ppl. i was thinking about this last night a lot. how i can never hold a conversation with a guy because i get way too nervous just saying hi, and how i envy eula for being able to talk to guys so easily. even my friend at my school who is just about as shy as me, is starting to be able to talk to so many different ppl, including guys, quite easily. it just makes me so frustrated that if i lose these friends, i will have quite a hard time finding new ones cuz of my pathetic personality. i'm not outgoing at all, and i have a nervous breakdown just when asking someone at a store where to find something! i wish i could change, but by the way things are going, i doubt any change will be coming anytime soon. i shy away from any contact with anyone, even when walking in the hallways at school. it's like, if i accidentally bump into them, i will have to talk to them, or they will look at me and i will get even more nervous just walking to my next class. in otherwords, i'm a wreck. i know that i have an introverted personality but i wish i could change that at least a little bit. at least so i don't get so nervous when talking to someone i don't know very well. my mom says that that is just how i am, but they are trying to get me to talk to other ppl a little bit more. the only easy place there is to talk to ppl is here and with my friend, Eula-san, but even there, i am now not talking to her much cuz she is grounded from the comp and it is impossible to hold a conversation with her over the internet sometimes cuz she has so many friends she is talking to at the same time. so i am starting to feel a bit lost on the social side of things. and i just want some time alone at home, but my sister came home early today and i hate it when she does that on one of my days off. i was looking forward to another hour without anyone around, but instead, she comes home early and doesn't even say hi or anything. not that i said anything to her either, but she just walks up and looks at what i was looking at (shojobeat magazine...they had a recipe thingy for a boxed lunch) and doesn't say anything. i almost can't wait until she moves out of the house...just as long as she doesn't take the cat with her (her cat is terrified of her, but loves me...it's strange) well, any ideas on how to fix me? if you have any, they would be very appreciated. sorry for all the venting. i'm going now. bye. |
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