Tuesday, November 27, 2007

   Emmah's Random Ramble

Time: 11.24 in the am Mood: Pissed Off Song: All That I’ve Got - The Used I read something bad in my ex-friend Chelsea’s MySpace blog last night. And I had a bad dream =( I’ll tell ye all about the dream first. I don’t know how it started, but I was up on the Trading Estate (where my Dad works) in our town. I remember this woman saying that a red jumper had been stolen, but she’d found it in the bushes, and she pointed to where it was, and told me to go fetch it. So I went and picked it up, and then the police arrived and said that it was clear that I’d stolen it, so they were gonna have to punish me. Then they took me to this clearing thing, and Ant and Dec were there (presenters, funny ones lmao). They said my punishment was the death sentence. I was like “Wtf? I haven’t stolen this jumper, I was just picking it up!” but no one heard me or believed me. Anyway, to kill me they were going to make me drink tar (as in, the tar you put on roads and stuff), and there was a certain amount of tar they were allowed to use, and if I survived after their supply of tar had ran out, I was allowed to be free and survive. I remember they started making me drink it, and then I woke up. So I don’t know if I survived or not *laughs*. It was a stupid dream. Anyway… I thought to myself last night “oh, I haven’t gone on MySpace in AGES” (because I was trying to delete the damn site, but it just WON’T delete), and I had new blog subscription posts (from Chelsea) and I was mentioned in nearly all of them. It wasn’t good stuff. In one blog she called me really fake, which hurt me A LOT, because apparently she didn’t even have the guts to tell me this to my face, and I don’t think I’m fake. I’m not fake am I? Anyway, that’s rich coming from a girl who claims to be raped at the age of 12 by a boyfriend’s friend, neither of whom I was allowed to meet. She also claimed to be pregnant earlier on this year, with twins. At about 4 weeks, she said something felt wrong and went for a scan with this guy she worked with called Luke. My best friend Rosie (the now-pregnant one, and she really is pregnant, she took a pregnancy test while me and Betteh. Were waiting for her, and she showed it us, and it did say she was pregnant) had asked Luke what went on at the scan, and he said he hadn’t even been with Chelsea!! Anyway she said you could hear the heartbeats and everything. I think not. I took Child Development in school, and you CANNOT hear the heartbeats that early!! Especially with twins!! Anyhoo, a couple of weeks later, Chelsea had a ‘miscarriage’. Ahem. Yes. Oh yeah, a while ago, she called me attention seeking. At least I don’t go around pretending to be pregnant. Erm, what else did she say? Oh yeah, she said I was jealous of her and her 29/28-year-old boyfriend Matt, because I’m a “frigid, 18-year-old-virgin”. I might be that, but I’d rather be a frigid 18-year-old virgin than have a boyfriend that’s 11/12 years older than me. I can happily say now, that I am NOT jealous of them in the slightest. Oh, and here’s the final one… She said in one of her blogs that she “was surprised that I’d got in anywhere” (referring to my night out in Worcester, the one where I lost my phone, and where we went to Tramps the nightclub and a few pubs). Why shouldn’t I get in? I’m 18, I’m of age to get in. I can prove I’m 18 with my I.D. She said she just sticks to Sin (it’s a pub). Well, we WERE going to go to Sin, but it turned out birthday girl Steph is banned from there. Bwahaha. She also put that I’d said on Bebo that “I was totally wasted” and “going out was the best ever”, and then went on to say that she’d been going out for ages, and that my taste in drink was questionable, and that I didn’t even used to like to drink!! I mean, Wtf?! I did NOT say that I wasted on Bebo, because I WASN’T wasted. I was too busy worrying about my phone to be getting wasted. Yeah, she’s been going out for ages, I don’t know how SHE managed to get in anywhere, considering she’s only 17. She also said she’s getting worried because more and more places are I.D.ing people now. I laugh at her. I have I.D. to prove I’m 18, she doesn’t, because she isn’t 18. Bwahahaha. As for my “questionable taste in drink”? I drink Smirnoff Ice, or vodka and coke or vodka and lemonade. Because it tastes good. I don’t drink the really hardcore stuff just to get wasted. I’ll drink something if it tastes good. I don’t go out aiming to get totally off my face. That’s just stupid. And as for the “I didn’t even used to like to drink”. I most certainly did. But I was underage, where the hell was I gonna get alcohol from? So it wasn’t very often I drank. Just special occasions. Anyway, I’m done with her. I can’t stand her anymore. I apparently infuriate her. I’d like to know how since I haven’t spoken to her since the beginning of October. So yes, I honestly wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw her again. It wasn’t as though she was a great friend. At school, I was always in her shadow. She put me down, she made me feel like crap, and if we were out in Worcester for the day, and I saw another friend and I wanted a quick chat, she’d pull me away from them and wouldn’t let me speak to them. She did that on countless times. Yet, when we saw friends of hers, we had to stop so she could talk to them. If I was getting picked on at school in class or anything, she was always with me, but she’d never speak up for me, never defended me or anything. I defended her in the beginning if anyone was mean to her, but when she didn’t defend me, well, that’s when I stopped defending her. Oh yeah, that’s another thing she said. She apparently didn’t like being best friends with me. Charming, huh? Guess what that made me feel like? I just remembered going through with school with her… And I’ve realised that I wasn’t really happy. Then when she went to a different college, I opened up, and me and my mates Sian, Laura, Laura, Rosie and Jane were laughing every day. And it was genuine happy laughter, y’know? I felt happier than when I was with Chelsea. I have so much to thank her for, though. Well, no, to thank her parents for. She has brilliant parents, but she doesn’t realise it, I don’t think. They were the ones who organised to take me to see Bon Jovi for my birthday, they were the ones who organised the holiday to Yorkland, and let me go with them… So, once I’d read all this last night… I wasn’t really upset… More, annoyed that she couldn’t even have the nerve to tell me this to my face. When I came offline, and went upstairs to my room, I just lay on my bed thinking. I saw two options: ~ Be really depressed about what she said and cry all night ~ Not give a flying fuck and just go on being myself - because that’s what I’ve been doing since the end of Year 11 (end of school) Oddly enough, the second option took over. And now I really don’t care what she thinks. But I’m still pissed that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face. Anyway, all that’s made me think. It means that she was never a great friend, but I have the greatest friends now. I have Rosie, Laura, Sian, and ALL OF YOU GUYS! I have a job, I’m happy working there, I have friends there, too. I have the best hobby in the world - watching anime, and reading manga. At the moment, I think my life if the best it could be right now. I so happy and thankful for everything I have, and I admit everything’s not PERFECT, and I’m not PERFECT, and I could do with an adjustment or two to my life, but right now, I’m happy with what I’ve got. Chelsea… She doesn’t have a job, so I don’t know how she can afford to go out on the piss every week or whatever, and she complains that she can’t get a job… Maybe she should’ve thought about that before she quit her other job. She does drugs, as does Matt, her boyfriend. That’ll end up messing them up, because they’ll get hooked on whatever they’re taking. They might be already, I don’t know. Well, yeah. That’s the end of my rant XD Christ, it was 2 pages long on Microsoft Word. Oh dear. Anyhoo, I’m gonna go get myself some breakfast =) Love&stuff ♥ Emmah ♥ xxxxxxxxxxx

Comments (7)