Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Lot Of 'Men Overheard'

Man one: Why are you eating a potato? Man two: It's a pear. Man one: Are you sure? Man two: Yes. Man one: *Leans in closer for a better look* It looks like a potato. ~*~ Bloke: What the Hell, is that a tampon? Girl: No, that's a balloon. ~*~ Boyfriend: No one looks the same in the morning though because they have their tired face on. Girlfriend: Their tired face? Boyfriend: Yeah, it's all droopy and stuff because their face hasn't set yet. You don't look the same during the day as you do in the morning. Girlfriend: So my face is droopy in the morning? Boyfriend: No, it just hasn't set yet. ~*~ 'You know, if you hold your nose, you can smell through your ears.' ~*~ 'The pizza's to go in at 230 degrees in a pre-heated oven. Do we have a pre-heated oven?' ~*~ Man one: Do you ever mastubate in the shower? Man two: Oh yeah, all the time. Do you? Man one: Yeah, I can't get enough. God, if my leg was a vagina I'd be well pregnant by now. ~*~ Man one: Mate, when I come in here I always feel like my lungs are being cleaned. Man two: Really? I just want to eat everything. (Overheard in Lush) ~*~ Man one: Look at Katy Perry's eyes... I could just swim in them. Man two: Nah, I don't like the green stuff she puts on her face. Man one: Yeah, but look at her hair, it's so pretty and straight. ~*~ Man to the bloke next to him: 'We're just sitting, not even talking... I feel closer to you this way.' ~*~ Man one: Mate, have you ever read Men Overheard? Man two: No, why? Man one: I think we're missing out. ~*~ 'I smell like B.O. and popcorn.' ~*~ Bloke 1: If I were a woman I think I'd be a bitch. Bloke 2: How come? Bloke 1: Because can you really see me going around saying, 'Hiya' and being nice to everyone? Bloke 2: Yeah, you are a bitch. ~*~ Man 1: Mate, that girl's got lovely blonde hair. Man 2: Yeah, but why has she dyed her roots brown? ~*~ Bloke 1: Have you seen Kate in the paper today? Bloke 2: Oh *looking at paper* who's that, Kate Winslet? Bloke 1: No, it's Kate Moss, don't you recognise her nipple? ~*~ 'Even if you got really, really fat I'd still want to be your boyfriend. We'd just have to make sure you never went on top when we were doing it.' ~*~ 'Why's orange juice called orange juice when it's yellow?' ~*~ Boyfriend: I'm glad that scab finally fell off. Girlfriend: You picked it off. Boyfriend: Yeah, but still, it was beginning to feel like it was taking over and growing on me, like faeces. Girlfriend: Do you mean a fetus? Boyfriend: Whatever. They both come out of the same hole. ~*~ Boyfriend: You look nice. Girlfriend: Thanks. Boyfriend: Those leggings really bring out your thighs. ~*~ Bloke 1: I can't walk into a pub without ordering a pint. Bloke 2: I know, mate. Otherwise you might as well have just stayed home and had a wank. ~*~ 'Do you think it could ever get so cold your eyes freeze open?' ~*~ Man 1: You know how you can spoon? Man 2: Yeah? Man 1: Do you think you can fork? Man 2: I think so. Put your arms up. Man 1 Man 2: We're forking! Man 1: Dude that sounds wrong.

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