Thursday, August 19, 2004

   i wanna hold you, touch you , feel you , always
oh i hurt so much and look no sleep for me oh no i never get the pleasure of sleep and more .... well the after math (for those who care)..there aren't many of you well head stil throbing i have only taken 4 alive cuz i know they are bad for me...i am tired beyond a reasonable doubt but hey i haven't passes out in a twenty four hour peroid.. umm yay?? i still haven't eaten ....and i don't think i will be for a while .... my right hand is only shaking somewhat i can useually control it...and for the new i have added a pretty deep wound to my left arm... actually i cut it and let it bleed non stop for fourty minutes strait i got extremly light headed and to be honest i think i could have bleed to death had i left it alone or started smashing it against the wall(cuz only i would) but i talked to cristie and she talked me out of bleeding to death (one of many cases she has averted) so i applied the proper first aid and medication (more thanx to cristie) and now i have my forearm all bandaged up...its going to be hard to hide this one so i have to make up some stupid excuse (gah i hate lying) but sometimes its the lesser of two evils and i HATE phycodoctors and there medications *grrrrrrr* which i'm sure will assure anyone one that i am really insane and if not then this will the reason i did this to mw tonight ...i'm not getting into it really its not for me to say lets just say its my fault...cuz it is i know it is i can tell by it being me....*sigh* sorry i still have alot on my mind but i am alone


i'm sorry that was long and i apologize to anyone i affended i assure you i have my reasons for my actions and except the conciquences as my own if you reall want to know anything else about it pm me or reply to this..(cuz i check) sigh once again i owe loads of debt to her but i will pay up
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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

   i'll make this short
pics of me on my livejournal
me now not happy eyes burn they are dry crying to much tonight i am alone i am sorry i suck my arm is cut it bleeds my head it hurts i wan t o sleep i really do not want to wake up again

kill me lord oh saivor plz save my soul and kill me
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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

   shiver away..(that little face is wrong i just felt it would be ironic)
i'm am so freaking dying i am burning up and i am shaking pretty badly i throw up alot my head is in so much pain and my vision is getting blurry more often and i still cannot sleep *tears* what am i to do and my tears are really hot *sob sob* i must be dying

"gimme a knife to do what god will not do...... for god is a bastard for allowing me to suffer like this damn him "
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   theres no promise of safety on these second hand hand wings
sigh i need sleep i cannot sleep and to be honest i can't remember how long it has been maybe a week and a half i just have umm things on my mind that keep me for sleep and i cannot clear my mind with out working them out and with my newly acuired plushie bunny i want to sleep (its really soft)and it talks ...no comment ^^; anyways i should be online so look for me
oh and read my live journal if you want to read this it has more detail heart_over_mind for those who don't know

cha

"i hope that i will never let you down"
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Sunday, August 15, 2004

are you afriad of being alone....cuz i am...i'm lost without you
i am as confused as ever and it seems that trying to uncomplicate things only makes things more complicated and that makes me a deppressive little emo whore sigh and it is not like i want to be this way right but i am like this because of my past i have grown into this kinda life and i do not like it but i think i said that before
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Friday, August 13, 2004

soulmates
there is that one persone out there that is perfect for you ya
and that is the person you are meant to spend your life with ya
but what if you know who this person is and there exreme(pardon my use of that word) obsicles to over come to reach them
now your perfect person is not neccisary to live a happy life ya
but to truley live that life to the fullest enjoyment you need to be with that person
yet to attain them you must leave the life you have going for you and venture into the uncertain its not a garuntee but if it is sucsessful it is bliss
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   i still know everything i still know
i do not know anymore what i am doing i mean what am i to do i have no clue really i'm just going on my whim which i do not think is really the best idea but ya know what its really the only option so i'll do that untill it becomes the end of me and ido not know when that will be all i reallyu know now is that i am a whore and i am not trying to be funny either so i live with that fact as well

"you have it or you don't"

"i'm sorry i don't"
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i'm set up .... just knock me down already
crap crap crap i've mad a mess of things damn damn damn sigh damn i knew i shouldn't have said anything sigh i have to just act all fine and happy so no one will know the wiser and then no one will worry yeah self sacraficing but at least no one else is hurt sigh
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Thursday, August 12, 2004

tonigt the headphones will deliver you the words that i can't say
we hide ourselves be hind masks so that we won't have to deal with it. the real emotions and the ridicule. but behinde these false identies we start to belive them ourselves trying to forget the reason we hid in the first place and that can be hazardous to our mental state and i can admit i am doing this now i'm sorry you must look past the face and look into my eyes that is were you can see how i am feeling i am sorry i am the way i am i wish that i could be what you wanted but it seems i cannot hate me if it is easier

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

like every good story there must be an end
school still makes me depressed and i think it allways will now until my colledge then i will be in the music biz and that will seriuosly kick ars cuz that is what i want to do with my life that is really all i can do with it really so i must i have to if i cannot i will die with my guitar but as for a sweetness update i'm still not feeling it something is seriously wrong with me what is it i need to know i have an idea but i refuse to exept it i won't have it it does't make sense yet makes the most sense it is very confusing ...

"plz kill me i am emo"
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