Monday, May 9, 2005

Sorry. I forgot your name..
I hope all of you did something extra special for your mothers yesterday. I sure know I did.

So unlike many of you sweeties out there, I didn't get a chance to make my mom breakfast becuase I didn't wake up in time. Howevere I did manage to catch doing a bit of gardening in the backyard so I helped out. In fact, I like helping her out anyway. Afterwards, we sat outside and enoyed the sunny weather drinking iced tea.

My dad took my sisters and mom out shopping so I was pretty much on my own for the day. I decided to save my shopping urges for another day. So I went out for a walk to my fave little cafe.

I put on some blue jeans, a brown t-shirt my sis bought me from a conert (The Shins) and my vintage aviator sunglasses and strolled out my door.

The day was beautiful. The sun was shining like it does in all those pretty postcards or scenic photos. There was just enough breeze to keep you cool too. I was in a greater than great mood. I said "Hello" or "Good day! How are ya?" to everyone I passed on my way there. On a day like yesterday, smiling was ridiculously contagious.

I arrived at the cafe and ordered my usual, an x-tra large mochaccino and a cookie (white chocolate and macadamia). I sat at my little window side table and read a mag. I noticed that some cute girl started staring at me from a table close-by. I simply smiled and said, "Hullo". She had this puzzled look on her face but she said "Hi." back anyway. I tried to ignore the fact that she was still staring by looking outside the window. I had thought there was whipped cream on my nose or something to I tried to wipe my face in a subtle way. As soon as I turned to check if she was still looking she let out the loudest scream in the world. I swear, this was loud. All the other customers and employees looked at her then at me. I thought 'Oh shit. She's gone mad...'

"Josh!?! OH MY GOD!!!"

She knows who I am. Yup. She's mad. She then said "It's me! From elementary!!" Just so happens I did recognize her. She was the girl I danced with 4 times in a row for one of our school dances but I didn't know her name. So I just said, "Ohhh! It's you! How've you been?"

She went on about how she recognized me from somewhere but took awhile to remember because I had "changed" so much. "OH my God! Look at your hair! And your CLOTHES! You are sooo hot now! Why didn't you tell me?!" It was quite the compliment but it didn't make much sense. What am I supposed to say? "Hey, It's me. I'm hot now."

What the...?

Anyway, I just chuckled a bit and we chatted away. She had just got back from the U.S. where she lived after moving from elementary. I swear, time just flew by. I spent about $25 on mochaccino's. She invited me to come with her to a friend's birthday party next month and we traded numbers to keep in touch. I entered her number but to avoid looking stupid and saying, "Uhh, what's your name?", I put her in my cell as "Loud Cuteness". Heh. She WAS loud though. And chatty. But anyway, it was pretty wicked to see someone from long ago.

She gave me a hug and went on her merry little way. Man, that was weird. I still felt a bit embarrassed about her screaming at me. But she's like that so I can't blame her. After relieving myself (6 mochaccinos, dude), I apologized to my waitress friend for the madness that is "Loud Cuteness". Then I headed home.

I had a late but great dinner. BBQ pork and BBQ duck. Yum!

Yes. It is agreed that yesterday was a kick-ass day. I wonder what awaits today.

Have a great day everyone!

Cheers.

- nine -
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Sunday, May 8, 2005

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
I celebrated Mother's day with my mom yesterday because today (Sunday), the family is just gonna sleep in and relax. Especially me. I need to save up energy for the week ahead. I'll explain in a bit.

Anyway, we the children (all children. So pretty much anyone who isn't a mom in my family.) planned a surprise party for all the moms. My uncle did most of the work. He got us to write letters of appreciation for our mother's. Y'know sentimental stuff. So we brought all the moms to my uncle's house. That was only the beginning of the surprise.

After a really really big dinner, we gathered in the living room and my uncle started things off with a little history behind mother's day. He then started talking about how important mothers are and how we should ALWAYS show our appreciation because we might not be able to in the future. After that, each mother got a little presentation from her children. My grandma was the first up. My aunts and uncles all read out these really sweet letters. Alot of us started to cry. When it was my mom's turn, I played the guitar while my sister read our letter. Gosh it was so sweet. My cousin's mom wasn't present to celebrate with us so she felt a bit sad. She was asked to read her letter out loud. What she didn't know was that my uncle had her mom listen in via long-distance hand-free phone call. When she finished her mom started crying over the phone. Then my cousin cried. Then my grandma started yelling at the speaker wishing everyone on the other end a happy day. *sigh* My uncle rules. This had to be one of the sweetest Mother's Days in history.

Now if it's not too much to ask, I want all of you to somehow show your mother that you love them and appreciate them for bringing you into this world and for taking care of you and raising you to be the awesome person you are today. Go on then.

Life is pretty carefree these days. Relations are good with the bandboys so we're all pretty mellow (which is the prime mood for music making). I seem to be the one holding the band together actually. They come straight to me to tell me what's on their mind because I like to listen. I'm quite level headed with music stuffs and if I were to ever quit, the band would fall apart. Pretty neat, huh? I've got quite the role sitting behind this kit.

I also don't have any worries over girl anymore. No relationship struggle or whatnot.

Now about relationships, I think I'll just stop trying for the moment. I'm not saying I'm giving up or anything. I'm just gonna ease out of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend game. For the time being, I'd rather work on just friendships with girls. Perhaps learn something, y'know? I look at the relationships around me and none of them are going as smoothly as people want them to. And I quite enjoy being as free as a crow. Look at me fly!

Now I can't promise that I'll stay in this "Single-pride cheery mood" forever. I'm bound to bitch about loneliness eventually. And since I'm not really trying it doesn't mean that should "something" happen, I'll do nothing about it.

Life is bound to throw a basket full of ingredients. It's up to me to make a delicious dish out of it.

Now I've been sitting here "awww-ing" at a friend's MSN pic. They're just the cutest little cartoons ever. I don't know who to explain it. I'm just in that mood right now. I'm even making up little love stories based on them. No real reason why but it doesn't matter now.

I've also been doing this ridiculous "shoulder shimmying" to whatever upbeat music plays while singing along. Can you tell I'm feelin' awesome?

I'm still pretty happy with how last Thursday's banquet went. I can't wait for piccies!

Heh. I know you think I'm just babbling on now. But trust me, all of it is relevant in one way or another.

Follow the day and reach for the sun!!

Cheers.

- nine -
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Friday, May 6, 2005

Somebody stop me!!!
...and what a lovely banquet it was.

I woke up around 3:00pm and took a nice long hot shower...

..Okay. Off topic but whatever. You know when you set up the perfect temperature for a shower with the faucet, but when you switch it to shower mode, the first water that hits you in bloody cold? That happens to me all the time. I'm afraid to admit it but I occasionally screech like a banshee when I get hit with cold water. *ahem* Moving on.

So now that I was feelin' so fresh and so clean, I walked to my wardrobe to chooseth a sharp-lookin' suit to wear. Gotta be formal. I decided to wear all black except for my purple & black diamond-checked tie. I started to feel a bit over-dressed but I thought, "Hey. I'll just look better than everyone. HA!". A little splash of cologne, a quick brush through my hair (Which I didn't braid up and was just as good.) and my sunshades on, I was out the door.

I was picked up by a car filled with three girls. My friends of course. One of them, Veronica, looked absolutely gorgeous. I usually just see her in jeans and a t-shirt but last night she was stunning. I joked, "The sun called. He said stop with the hotness because he's jealous." Hah, I'm a loser. Anyway, we were off.

More than 40 people who knew ME but had positively NO clue whatsoever of who they were greeted me. Well, some of them I knew but most of them I couldn't remember. Hugs, kisses, the whole lot. People took a buncha of group and single pictures of me too. It was nice even though I was clueless and lost. So I sat down at my table that, fortunately for me, was filled with people I knew and close friends. I was one of two guys at my table. It was nice. Yeeeah..

Dinner started at exactly 7:00pm and we had some pretty damn good chicken. I was expecting some wacky veal or something of the sort but man, was this good. During dinner, I kept to myself for most of the time. Only speaking when spoken to kinda thing. I joked here and there but overall was unusually quiet.

Then a presentation started and we watched a few video about stuff. I don't really remember what because this girl from another table visited and started talking to me for the whole thing. I admit she was more interesting.

The presentation ended and the DJ took the floor with a mic, calling everyone out. The DJ is a close friend of mine as well. I felt like some sort of dance demon he summoned. But before I could get up, the girl I was talking to snagged my hand and dragged me to the center.

I danced...

..and danced..

.. and bloody danced...

Now there were just over 400 people there, I believed I got around to dancing with 76% of them. You know how it is. Groups of people dancing in little circle groups with space in the center. Now I'm no professional but people thought I was. I'm not trying to be cocky or anything. I had a dance for everything. Dance, salsa, disco, hip-hop, rock n' roll, reggae. The whole lot. There I was in the center of the crowd. Either dancing on my own or dancing off against someone I didn't know. It was good fun.

So picture a sorta tall guy, ponytail tied up, wearing full black with a silky purple & black tie, salsa-ing with alternating partners. I'm a man-whore... *laughs*

But seriously, I created myself a little space in the center and girls took turns with me. Every now and then, I went to the bar to get a glass of icy cold water because man, was I hot (No pun intended). Oh, I have to mentions that I did not have any alcohol that night even though I had plenty of opportunities to. I think the music made me drunk enough.

I also was pulled on stage along with some friends to help lead those group dances. YMCA, Hey Baby, Macarena, and a buncha other easy group dance songs. Now that I think about it, I used my hips alot. Boy, was I feisty. *laughs*

So the dance went on and on and I was basically unstoppable. I got really tired near the end. Fortunately, the DJ played a nice slow song for some slow dancing. Rest time! Before walking off the dancefloor, I was asked to dance with 4 girls. I declined because I was tired. Which I was but I also didn't feel like slow dancing with people I've just met. I thirsted for water, not women. I sat and chatted with about 12 other tired dancers until the last song was played. Semisonic's "Closing Time". Just for kicks, I got up, untied my hair and rocked out with an air guitar to the chorus. It was great.

The night ended well. Hugs and kisses again. I put on my long coat and my friend said "Dodge!". He threw a fork at me so I did the matrix inverted dodgy thing. Again, good times.

Before I left, I was talking to a bunch of girls who liked my dancing and loved my hair. They untied my hair and started to stroke it and pet me. NOW I didn't wanna leave. Hah. It's been awhile since I've been called Joshie-Woshie. However, this time they were people I've only known for about 5 hours. The same bunch of of girls started signing my banquet program with their names and numbers. "Keep in touch", they said. It'd be cool to meet up with them again. However, I'd prefer something less active. Like a meal or sleepover. *laughs*

I admit, alot of the girls last night were beautiful. Really really. It was like some kinda escape into a dream. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Sure. Like I said, life is a bit "double-you, tee, eff" and all but a nice like last night was just what I needed.

This has been quite the week actually. A musical (Evita), jammage with the bandboys and completion of our first song, and then there was last night. Dancing and girls to dance with. *sigh* I'm in the greatest mood.

I'm going to sleep in my bed. The hardwood floor is comfy but probably isn't good for my aching muscles. Yes, dancing does come with a price. Luckily for me, I've nothing to do today(Friday) I'm sleeping in!

Damn. That was fun...

Have a great night and sweetest dreams (of dancing!) everyone!

Cheers.

- nine -
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Thursday, May 5, 2005

Drunk? Me? Of course you're not...
Yes. My floor is damn comfy. I shall sleep there tonight yet again. My parents seem concerned but they don't bother asking. I'm quiet and happy there so let the dude sleep.

Umm. It seems alot of you knew about "Pink Triangle". I was hoping one of you would sing some lyrics from the Weezer song but oh well. If you insist on receiving a prize, I'll make you an origami something. Yeah.

Last night was bloody fun. I put my cymbals in their case and stuck it to a wheely thing so I didn't have to carry the damn thing all over town. With drumsticks in pocket, I left the house and met up with Mr. Bassist and Mr. Vocalist, the Anime Teacher dude (A.K.A. Mr. Lyricist) and Mr. Rhythm Guitar. Mr. Rhythm Guitar was in the deepest of shit with his folks so he couldn't jam. Mr Vocalist had work so he was out too. So it was just Mr. Bassist, Mr. Lyricist and myself. We met Mr. Guitarist at the studio.

We started off with the greatest random jam ever. We set up without a word and started playing. It was freedom. And freedom sounded awesome. We went on for a good half hour before stopping. After that we looked at each and laughed. Ahh. Twas one of those feel good moments. We all have our own little screwed-up dealies going through our lives so something like that just felt really really good.

Mr. Lyricist showed us what he had thought up for the song. Mainly the chorus because we had instrumentals, but nothing to sing. We played our original song over and over and friggin' over. And to tell you the truth I enjoyed every minute of it. This is our FIRST song ever. We pretty much finished it that night. Well... Instrumental-wise. We still have yet to make up a melody for the chorus and hear the vocals actually sung. Mr. Rhythm Guitarist has his part down already. So It's set. We have one song. YEAH!!!
(I haven't broke a stick yet either.)

So to celebrate we headed to one of our favourite buffets. It was closed. Damnit. On the way there we did see an A&W (A burger joint) so we instantly craved it. Mr. Bassist and I each ordered 6 burgers while Mr. Lyricist ordered 3, and Mr Guitarist ordered 1. I obviously finished up mine (And felt happily full), but Mr. Bassist felt sick after 4 so he gave his last ones to the other two. The place closed and we were kicked out so we sat outside just chatting away for an hour. We each left for home around midnight. Now I'm here.

It feels eerily quiet tonight. Even with music playing. Maybe it's just me. I've spent the past half-hour lying my head down on my desk, hugging my teapot. It comforts me.

Okay. I'll admit the Pixie thing is still on my mind and apparently, it's showing. My sister said that she noticed that I have been acting a bit weirder than usual (Nahhhh, really?). She talked to Pixie to see if what I've been muttering during my naps was true. She told her about the sudden change and Pixie explained that it could be what she told me. So my sister says that Pixie is really concerned now. She hopes that I'm not mad or anything. Nah. Of course I'm not. I mean sure, I've completely lost my mind but there's no need to worry. *laughs* She's concerned... That's good, I guess.

Oh yeah. There's this guy (who is madly in love with Pixie but honestly doesn't stand a chance) who I totally told off the other day. Well sorta. Okay, he's a good guy and all but he's got this really wacky humour that's good in small doses but fucking annoying after awhile. Frankly, I've had it with this guy. One time he saw me sitting on the ground leaning again the wall just chatting with the band. My drumsticks were on the ground. He walked up and crouched to my level. He then picked up my sticks. Big no-no. Don't touch my sticks unless I hand them to you. I told him with a pissed-ff serious look on my face, "Don't smile at me. Put the sticks down. Go home and make those ugly faces in the mirror and you'll see why everybody fucking hates you." Ooo. That was really harsh but I wasn't in the mood for his stupidity then. He knew what I meant by everybody too. I was kinda referring to Pixie and how she's always punks him off by ignoring him and whatever. He seriously IS too much. He must really hate me now. Especially since I'm one of the only guys to ever talk to her in the way that I used to. He walked away as if his mom just died. Serves him. There's a line between "funny" and "I'll hurt you if you make a sound again". He crossed it. End of story.

Tonight is the big banquet. I shall be braiding up my hair crazy squid styles again. That and a nice funky tie oughtta do it. Dinner. Drinks. Dancing. What fun it should be. I also just learned that I'll be seeing a few people I haven't seen for the longest time. That's always a plus.

Okaaaaay. Just as I finished typing that last paragraph, someone started knocking on my front door. It's 2:29 in the morning for crying out loud. I obviously didn't answer it. In fact, I just got out from under my desk. Yes. I get paranoid. If it was important, I think they would've done more than knock every 2 minutes. If it was a pizza delivery at the wrong address, the dude got screwed with. And lastly, if it were someone dangerous, HAH! You bitchass, I'm under the desk!

Now it's off to the floor. Have a good one then.

Cheers.

- nine -
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Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Red bean ice cream and the spoon of gods.
So I'm sitting here thinking, "Hey.. I'm me."

So I was awaken yesterday(Tuesday) by the loud sounds of of rocks hitting my window (Beck style, I might add). The band had come to visit (and disturb my slumber!!!). So I come downstairs in my jammies while still 6/7ths asleep. They called me out for some quick jammage. I put on some clothes and went off with them.

I told my bandboys that I'm going to Hawaii to start a new life there and started waving goodbye. They're obviously back to normal (Thank goodness) because they slapped my waving arm down and said, "We've songs to write, instruments to play and aband to be." I've never heard more beautiful words.

On our way to the location of jammage, we had to pass through a school. The very same school where all their girlfriends go to! *gasp* Since they had no intention of seeing them today, the bandboys had to take a long way around a small forest and through a parking lot. I, on the other hand, had the freedom to walk through the school and prance and skip around like a magical man. See, boys and girls? I have nobody to hide from! Fancy free!

We jammeded for a bit doing randomness that sounded good (Quite typical of us). We're going to meet up today and work on stuff.

I left jammage a bit early because I had a musical to go to.

EVITA!!

I must say, it was quite the show. At first, I was bit skeptical. I didn't want to go because I thought the only good piece of music was the ever-popular "Don't Cry For Me Argentina". Was I ever so wrong.

The music was awesome. Simply awesome. The casts voices were beyond anything I expected and the music consisted of catchy jazzy tunes. AND we had box seats! (Well, I've always had box seats for musicals. Operas on the other hand are best enjoyed in balcony, front row centre. Trust me. Sound dynamics were designed for THAT spot.)

Tomorrow (Thursday), I will be attending a banquet. I don't know what for but I've been offered a free ticket. Some kinda leadership thing, I think. But anyway, there will be food and drinks and dancing and a whole lotta strangers. I'm up for a night of careless whatever. Should be fun. Oooh, I get to look fancy (again!) too. I'll go fa-kunkcy. Funky fancy, y'know? Braid up my hair and wear a super-fresh tie for kicks but wear a neat little suit too. Yeah. Good stuff, creampuff. Sounds strange but whatever.

So now what?

I'm still sitting here. Drinking a nice hot pot of green tea, eating a nummy little bowl of red bean ice cream and listening to Weezer's "Pink Triangle". Figure that one out yourself. If you get it, you receive a prize. Seriously.

I'm still a bit "Ummm.. Huh?" about the Pixie liking a girl thing. I haven't spoken to her since she told me. And so, I shall continue to lie on my hardwood floor with nothing but a minidisc player w/ speakers and origami paper.

Oh yeah. Life is a bit "double-you tee eff" every now and then but hey...






...I'm me.





Cheers.

- nine -
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Now is the part where I go crazy
Okay. So I won't leave.

Some of you were right. Okay, nobody has super interesting posts. But nobody has boring ones either. In fact, I enjoy reading about all your day-to-days. If I left, I'd miss out. As for my posts, I'm sure I'll have something relevant to blab on about, right? Right..

So today was a weird day. I woke up. Did a bit of drumming. Had some dumplings for dinner. Oh yeah.. Pixie told me she's got a crush. Uh-huh. And not just any crush. She's crushing on another girl.

Greeeeaaaat....

Now what is one supposed to feel about that? I had no clue so I just sat there, staring at the MSN window for about half an hour.

We talked about it for awhile but I still was a bit, "Ummm, what?" about it.

She said it may be just a phase but the sheer thought of a girl I fell in love with falling in love with another girl makes me feel a bit crappy. Did I ruin her liking for guys? *laughs* Okay, that's just silly..

I took a break from the computer and went outside to lie down on my front step. I did alot of thinking as I laid there on the warm ground.

I feel like starting my life over. I want to ask my folks for my share of the family fortune. Then I want to fly down to Hawaii and then live there as a fisherman. Yups. Just live fancy free in an island paradise. No band to stress about, no girl to turn me mental, and no ugly cloudy weather. Wouldn't it be nice?

Okay. I know it's not gonna happen but I need anything to distract me now. That and I really want to go to Hawaii.

On a slightly better note, I'm going to see yet another musical today. Evita! I've always been told the music is glorious but I'm always interested in the set. I wonder if they'll pull it off like my friend says. But yeah, it's something to enjoy.

Tomorrow (Wednesday), is a jam session with the bandboys. We don't have a live but we'd still like to work on our original songs. Things with them are pretty much back to normal, I guess.

I'm off to sleep on the hardwood floor in my living room for no good reason. Have a lovely day, my wonderful MyO citizens.

Cheers.

- nine -

"She's so hiiiiiiigh
High above me
She so lovely..."
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Monday, May 2, 2005

Nothing's ever gonna happen
I'm not sure what I feel right now. but I can tell you that I feel bad for not being able to comment on your posts for the day. Sorry about that.

So the Mr. Guitarist thing still pisses me off. He constantly complains about this bitch but he's not leaving her.

I'm sick of it. Just fucking sick of it. I said that if he even mentions her in my presence, he loses a strike. After three, I leave the band. That's it. Gone. And since I'm leaving, everyone else leaves too. Yeah. I have power. Mr. Bassist knows no other drummer, Mr. Rhythm Guitarist is my cousin and Mr. Vocalist is a close friends who supports me all the way (and vice-versa). Mr. Guitarist is fucked if he screws this up.

I've told him the deal. So far so good. He called me and talked about stuff as usual. No bitching so that's a good start.

Our live this month is cancelled which blows but give us more time for our live in June. We've nearly completed our first original. We should be starting a new one soon.

Other than that. Everything band-wise is doing alright.

The other night I had a dream. I was at a train station hugging a girl. I don't remember what she looked like but she was beautiful. It felt so incredibly real. I felt her in my arms as she had hers around me. I felt her breathe. Every now and then she would sigh. We stopped hugging and she looked into my eyes, whispered something and then we kissed. At that exact moment, a train rushed by and I was awaken by my alarm clock.

So what the hell does that mean?

I don't have a clue but I feel like crap.

It was just a dream.

But I'm not going to complain. Whatever... I don't think I should care about anything anymore. Shit happens right? Right.

You know what? As I type this, I feel like I don't need to post much here anymore. My past posts were about what? Pixie and my band, right? Well Pixie flew away and my band is pretty much dying. As for the other randomness, I don't really feel it anymore. Gah. I never really posted anything interesting anyway. I'm sure feeling like crap like this is only temporary though. I don't wanna leave this place. But we'll see.

- nine -
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Saturday, April 30, 2005

What could be the end
First off, I just want to apologize for not visiting anyone's sites. I'm not exactly back into he MyO thing yet because of whatever and stuff. My cold is gone now and I'm feeling better. However...

..I am becoming downright fucking pissed off with a current situation. Basically, I'm going into bitch mode. Lend an ear or fuck the hell off. Here goes:

To start, I'll tell you that Mr. Guitarist has taken the lead for most fucking retarded band member. Here's why..

As you already may know, he is going out with this piece of shit 14 yr old guitarist chick. She's not that young but I say it anyway. She's still younger than us. So anyway, she is his first girlfriend and he likes her alot. Okay, no surprise there. It happens to everyone. He slowly began to realize that she's a fucking stupid kid. She's more than conceited, she's garbage on the guitar, she actually believes she's fully Japanese (which is a vase of bullshit) and she's pretty oblivious to signs that people don't give two fucks about what she says. Mr. Bassist and I tried warning Mr. Guitarist about this but he didn't listen.

Recently, Mr. Guitarist has been bitching and bitching about how stupid she is, and how she's always talking about how hot Japanese guys are (which they are but talking about it 24/7 to your BOYFRIEND is goddamn annoying), and "me me me". Y'know, that sorta bullshit.

Yesterday (Friday) was that day he was supposed to confront her and tell her the truth. Tell her everything he thinks about her and pretty much just destroy her. Since I hate her existence, I was more than willing to help out. I coached him. I prepared him for this day. I told him everything that's wrong with her and told him to tell her right in her face. He was set. He called me the night before all excited and such about how this will be fun. I knew he could do this.

The plan was to bring her to the local Chinese mall and tell her straight up. He also asked Mr. Bassist and I to spy on them. We agreed to. We were pretty excited too because we got to wear disguises. I planned to tie my hait up and put on a hat and glasses and wear ugly clothes. Very unlike me. Anyway. When the deed was done, Mr. Bassist and I were to pop out in normal wear and laugh our asses off in her face (and perhaps cover any insults that Mr. Guitarist missed) to fully humiliate her. After that, we were to celebrate with bubble tea and perhaps a nice meal somewhere. It was a damn good plan. But seeing as I am currently bitching, you just KNOW something fucked up. SomeONE I should say.

This is what actually happened.

Mr. Bassist went to work as usual and was to meet me when he got off at 5:00 pm. My sister, Mr. Vocalist and Mr. Rhythm Guitarist's high school was having a multicultural day. The same school where Mr. Guitarist was to meet his retard (the girlfriend). Okay I thought. I'll meet Mr. Guitarist here, coach him a bit more and have some food from around the world while I'm at it. We all met up and hung out, chit chatting away at how this plan is flawless (Hah, Wrong!). I helped my sister bring stuff home and Mr. Rhythm Guitarist came along with me. Mr. Vocalist met with his girlfriend and went off while Mr. Guitarist disappeared. We assumed he went off to find his retard and bring her to the mall to end her life... I mean, their relationship.

Mr. Rhythm Guitarist and I received a phone call from Mr. Bassist. It was time. We assembled some disguises and headed to the mall. As soon as we got there, we were supposed to call Mr. Guitarist and tell him to go to one area so we don't pass each other and so we can spy. We did call but he said "Hold on. I'll call you back." We thought, "Okay. He's probably around here somewhere. Our disguises got annoying so we scrapped it and dressed normally. After an hour of searching (and failing to find him), we received a call from Mr. Guitarist. He was at the train station with his retard...

We got pretty pissed because NEVER has he fucked up a plan. Never. Especially not good ones like this. He fucked up somewhere. Mr. Bassist, MR. Rhythm Guitarist and I were pretty fucking angry and hungry too so we ate Korean BBQ (which was delicious because it was a new expensive restaurant AND had pretty waitresses). We decided to call up Mr. Vocalist and meet him for bubble tea and discuss Mr. Guitarist stupidness. Mr. Guitarist then called all pissed off and such so we told him to meet us too. We seriously needed to talk with this asshole and see what the hell was wrong with him. So the band assembled and Mr. Guitarist told us the story.

They actually did go the mall but left before we got there. They walked around and talked (mostly about shit that Mr. Guitarist didn't care about but he had no control over her). He just gave in to her. He bought her bubble tea and they lefts the mall. They went to some other place and she said she wanted a manga but she didn't have enough money. He submitted to her and said, I'll pay for some of it. So he put down the manga and a DVD he wanted on the counter. As the cashier rang it up, she threw in a DVD of her own. Now I honestly think that this chick should be fucking stabbed for her stupidness. But I think Mr. Guitarist should be fucking shot for ACTUALLY PAYING FOR IT! He paid for it all. She didn't pitching a fucking dime. I swear this dude is way too submissive. The whole time they were together he wanted to talk with her seriously and end it but she kept taking everything as a silly joke and he's just a big fucking pussy. Honestly. He's got no self-esteem. Just pathetic really.

It's obvious to see that the only reason she like him is because he buys her shit and because he pays attention to her and puts up with her fucking crap. The only reason he likes her is because she's the only girl to ever talk to him. He refuses to let her go because he thinks she's the only one for him. Bullshit. He can do better but he thinks he can't. So he only likes her because he likes him. He's a bitch. Literally. He's just giving in.

He used to go on and on about how she's bullshit on the guitar and how Mr. Rhythm Guitarist is so much better because he has good technique and a good knowledge of theory. Now he fully said into Mr. Rhythm Guitarist face that he sucks and that she's so much better than he is (and I could sense that he would possibly want her to replace him in the band). If he fucking does, he'll need a new drummer too. Seriously. I'll fucking quit if he give in to that little shit girl.

Mr. Bassist and I have known him the longest. Us three were the original starters of the band. So we took him outside for a talk. Sure they have a whole list of the same interests and they're both fucked in the head and yadda yadda yadda, but if not like they're the only fucking match in the world. I know for a fucking fact that there are plenty of girls out there for him. Better girls. Girls who don't fucking mooch off him or like him only for guitar skills or attention. Goddamnit. He went on about how he's never had a girlfriend before and that he'll just take the bullshit to be with her. Mr. Bassist and I seriously thought that he's a fucking joke. That was so weak of him. Okay. If I were to put my face over a fire because "I've never felt this warm before" and continue to do so even though I was slowly burning alive, that wouldn't make one millifuck of sense, would it? The same applies to his situation. Don't take that shit just because. He's better than that. And if he isn't then he's a loser. I'm sorry to say it but that's fucking pitiful.

Yeah. I'm pissed he didn't do it. And I'm even more pissed that he wants to stay with her even though he's being put through all this dickshit bullfuck, just because she's the ONLY girl to ever talk to him. THAT'S HIS FUCKING FAULT!!!! He never talks to anyone. I mean, someone to closed-off as he deserves to not talk to anyone because fucking chooses not to. Fuck.. This is the stupidest shit I've heard in my entire life. And it's happening to one of my closest friends too.

I swear, I'm quitting if he let's her in. I still care about the music and all but when our LEAD GUITARIST goes on living the life of a grain-fed bitch, I can't do it. I refuse to.

Now someone please tell me if I'm wrong here. If you think that this situation is not the least bit fucked up, then come to my house and stab me. Rip my veins out and make a fucking necklace out of it. If there's nothing wrong with this then I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.

I don't know what to think. Today (Saturday) we're going to jam in the retards uncles studio. I hope he makes some decisions and quickly.

I'm sorry for the bitching but the rest of my band members are asleep and I can't rant to them yet.

Have a nice weekend everyone. I'll try to be good.

Cheers.

- enin -

P.S. Maybe it's just me...
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Okay. I'm back. Whoop-dee-doo.

I was just at the hospital yesternight because apparently, I passed out while going to a walk and my neighbour found me lying on the sidewalk. So now I have a cold too because it was raining. I'm doin' alright now physically. It's becoming more and more obvious that not eating or sleeping isn't the greatest thing in the world. I still eat but you get what I mean. I probably wouldn't be here right now, would I?

I also got back into drumming. After a couple of weeks without doing so really weakened my playing. It's all good I guess.

So you're probably wondering what the fuck happened to me. It's a long story; I'll keep it as short as possible.

So Sara and I aren't an item anymore. She went through some fucked-up phase in her life, and stopped talking to me. We talk every now and then but what I felt was once there isn't anymore. We're pretty much just friends now. Sometimes I would think that she never considered me more than a friend in the first place. Sure, we hung out regularly and whatever but friends do that too.

Never held her hand
Never had our dinner date
Never felt her embrace

So yeah. It's over. The dream is over. I figured something as good as spending time with a wonderful girl like her would NEVER last.

Here's my theory:

Sure, dreams come true. But even in reality, they remain what they are. Dreams. What happens to dreams? They end. The dreamer ends their sleep and wakes up. So what happened here? Pixie woke up. I was left alone. How can one keep a dream going forever? Easy. Sleep forever. How can one sleep forever? End their reality. That's right. In death, one can keep their dream alive in eternal slumber. It makes sense. They always say, "Things always work out in the end. If things aren’t working out, it's not the end." The end is death. The end is happiness. Happiness is a dream. Think about it...

No, I'm not going to kill myself. Man, that's pretty fucking stupid. I mean, I almost died on a fucking sidewalk for cryin' out loud.

So no more Pixie. Sure, I felt like drowning myself (which to me is the worse possible way to die because I can't swim and water scares the fuck outta me). And yeah, I still feel like my life is over but I'm just gonna trudge on. I mean, everything non-Pixie related is crumbling down and turning to shit anyway. I can't do shit about anything anymore so I'm just gonna take it and see where life takes me.

Here's a quick rundown of what went on otherwise.

I hate my band. But I love my music so I can't exactly quit on them.

Mr. Vocalist is going out with some crazy-ass trailor trash chick (who used to like me *shudder*). She's totally using him for popularity and attention. Nobody gave a fuck about her before. She's such trash, I swear. She's around him all the fucking time. If he ever brought her to a jam session, I'd be more than happy to kick her in the chest. I don't care anymore. So yeah, Mr. Vocalist is fucked up.

Mr. Guitarist is going out with the 14-year-old retard guitarist who gives us studio-time. Remember her? By the way, the studio time is NOT free. I learned the hard way but it's still decently priced. But anyway..

Yeah, they're going out. It fucking sickens me. But at this moment in time he's been thinking about breaking up with her because he's slowly realizing that she is a selfish, retarded moron who can't play the guitar for shit. She only likes him for his guitar skills and the attention he gives her. There is something definitely wrong there. I'm going to help him make her suffer not only because I hate her fucking guts, but because I am a caring friend.

Now Mr. Bassist's story is a bit weird so bare with me. First of all, he is really stupid. He's a selfish, big-headed wannabe. Now normally, I wouldn't mind because I've known him for the longest time. I got used to it. But lately, the way he treats his relationships with girls really pissed me off. He (was) currently going out with one of the 14 yr old girls. He used to go on and on about how they're so perfect for each other. Recently, he started thinking about his ex. His ex was a fucktoy. Literally. That's all they fucking did. She never talked us, she never did anything cool for Mr. Bassist, she didn't even go to school (unlike Mr. Bassist's current girlfriend). The other day, he broke up with his 14 yr old girlfriend because even though she was nice and all, she never fucked him. In his retarded little mind, that's not a true girlfriend. So before he finally did break up with her, he also "fell in love" with a good friend of mine. He told me how she was perfect for him because they could talk about stuff and whatever. Now here's this guy, who is currently dating a 14 yr old, thinking about his fucktoy ex but supposedly madly in love with one of my friends. What the fuck is the matter with this dumbshit?

Now to make matters worse, he actually sent me to my friend to see if she would go out with him. He gave me a detailed mission list. I'm supposed to tell her how he thinks about her all the time and yadda yadda. All that nice garbage. Now I care about my friend. Alot. There was no way in the firey pits of Lucifer's mansion that I was going to let her become another fucktoy ex or ignored 14yr old. I told her everything about him. sure, I told her how he thinks about her all the time but I also said that he's a selfish moron who will probably make loser attempts at getting into her panties. She would've declined anyway.

Lately, I've been talking with her alot. I even spent a whole day with her when I was SUPPOSED to be jamming with the band. Now Mr. Vocalist and Mr. Guitarist made the assumption that I like her in that way. I sort of dide a long time ago but the friendship we share now is far more than enough for me. I can't talk to her about anything for hours on end (and vice-versa). We've had those long talks on the phone (you know, the one's where both sides refuse to hang up?), we've hung out together beyond her curfew. I accidentally got her in trouble with her father. He actually found us at the mall we were having dinner at. I called her father that night and apologized like any sensible person would. I think he thinks we're going out too (Hah, yeah. This is the girl who was in that play I watched and her parent thought we were an item). But anyway..

Mr. Guitar and Mr. Vocalist told Mr. Bassist I was with her during that jam session. Since he's retarded in that way, he got pissed because he doesn't like it when someone "inferior" to him gets something (or someone) he can't. He assumed I had a better chance than he (which I kinda do because I actually give a damn about her). He called me up, as pissed as ever, and asked if I really was trying to "get with her". I honestly told him no and for the time being, that seemed to settle things between us. Our band went downtown the next day (last Saturday) and everything seemed to be normal. Sure. My band has fucked up relationships but what can I do? We've got a live soon and some original stuff on the way. I'll do it for the music.

Even as I soak in these puddles of misery and depression, there is still a bright side. I really miss you guys too. I wish things could go back to normal but what is normal anymore? Late at night, I've been playing my acoustic alot (for obvious reasons). I've been learning some pretty sappy tunes. Sometimes, I'd just sing and get all teary which is bloody sad but feels damn good. You know what else is good? Tea. My green tea. I missed it so much. I had my first teapot for awhile just now and.... *sigh*

Damn, you people worried about me alot. I owe you all for making you feel like that (even though there was little reason to). Just wait. I'll make up for it.

I'm back... and I am doing just fine.


Cheers.

- nine -
Comments (15) | Permalink

Thursday, April 14, 2005

No Instant messages

No Answering my cell phone
No Music

No Drumming
No Our Lady Peace
No Insane times with the band
No Nights watching anime
No Games

No Jamming on my guitar
No Unagi
No Sleep
No Tea

No Food
No Idiotic laughter
No Need to dream
No Effin' reason to continue
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