Sunday, October 17, 2004

Losing it
It's Sunday afternoon (morning to me) and I'm getting closer to the peak of my misery. How do I know? Well I'm currently at the stage where nothing I do makes sense. Something must've triggered it. It was probably my parents calling me useless. Since my house is empty, I've been free to do whatever I want. So far I've been singing out loud, banging away at my drums and tearing up colored paper. In this state I found myself screaming like a madman to a point where my eyes got teary and my throat sore. I think I'm fine now. I hope I'm fine now...

- enin -

P.S. I just found this.. I was hoping to be a cello.


The Drums!


What's your instrument? (modern and classical)

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Saturday, October 16, 2004

The Lazy Curse (Saturday Evening)
I was supposed to go to an art store and buy new colored pencils and inking pens. I didn't. I'm just lazy today. I woke up and whined for about an hour while listening to j-pop. I went to work. Listened to more j-pop. Ate alot of food. And now i'm here. Sitting and listening to j-pop. I really want my colored pencils and inking pens. But I want to save for a trip to New York. Maybe I should. I still want my stuff though. Argh. Stupid me. So lazy... I'd kick my own butt but that requires effort. =P

- nine -

P.S. Still working on more stuff. Patience is the key...
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   Downhill (Early Morning Saturday)
Today marks the end of a really bad day. Yesterday (Thursday) I had a good day. Shall we begin?

Yesterday I was a facilitator for the day of service. Basically, high school kids from around the school board come together and volunteer for 12 hours. Obviously we didn't work 12 hour straight or anything, but we were all together for that long. I was the leader of the YELLOW BUS (a team w/ the color yellow) WE had a group of 18. That 18 was split up into 3 groups of 6. My 6 were all girls. 3 of which were really cute. So all the volunteers met at the school board building then we were off. Since I'm not a public transit guy, I relied on the help of my partner leader, Julia. She said we were going the exact same way but her group was getting off before mine. After we all boarded the street car we headed towards 1322 Queen Street West. We arrived near our destination. We saw 1320 and 1324. In between those two buildings was a driveway. My group got (sorta) pissed. I phoned our volunteer placement and they said they'd walk outside and look for us. They did and did not see us. After a minute of panic I panicked alot more. Why? I looked at the sign. ______ ST. EAST. I was supposed to go to ______ ST. WEST!!! Yeah, my group figured it out and chased me for two blocks. I kinda enjoyed it actually. So we got to our placement by streetcar (again) and sorted food and stuff. Lots of it because they had a food drive for thanksgiving so there was plenty to sort. So MANY CANS!!! Argh. I'm sick of cans. Especially beans. WE started this inside joke about that. So my group and I got really close. WE also met a student teacher there who's pretty funny. When we finished the girls and I bussed to a high school where we were to meet the rest of the volunteers and have dinner before our walk to the peace flame and then to a cathedral. So we all rested and did some debriefing which is basically "how did your day go?" kinda questions. I met more people during dinner and some people recognized me from the last day of service. So many cute girls. And alot of them thought good of me because I was a leader. After dinner, we walked to the peace flame then cathedral w/ police guys stopping traffic for us. It was cool. We were all shouting and cheering and crap. This was all at night too. Some girls asked if I was really filipino. They said I didn't look like a typical filipino. So when we made it to the cathedral we had a quick mass then people were free to go. The girls (and more) all signed my shirt and took pictures of me. One random girl asked if I was filipino as she was leaving. I answered yes and she replied "You're so hot." I'm that much of a loser to actually write this in my journal. After everyone left, all facilitators met for debriefing then we all went home. So I made buncha new friends and had a fun day. So yeah, you're thinking, good for this guy (or not). The truth is I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't get any girls’ number or email. Not even from the one who called me hot. Fucking pathetic, huh? Goddamnit. It was all just a tease. Now for the bad day.

I woke up for school late. Saw these stupid fucking niners who are completely destroying my friends mind with their stupidness. My friend is 18 and they're al 14 or something. Fuck them. He should be hanging out with little children. He's actually going out with one of them which I think is goddamn ridiculous. During second period this faggot idiot I know named Christian visited my art class. Why do I hate him? He's had a history with girls I've liked and never had a chance with. What are the fucking odds? He had both of them (separately) and I got nothing. So for that I hate everything he stands for. In fourth period, I learned that I'm doing worse than my friend (the one dating the shitty niner) in the class. He’s a fucking slacker and I'm doing worse?! What the fuck?! I headed over to a friends house for his b-day get together and sat on a piano bench for 7 hours straight. It was the most boring thing I've ever been to. No alcohol. It sucked ass. My better friend, my other friend, his niner girlfriend and I went for a walk to my better friend’s house. We stole a scooter and gave it to the guy for his b-day. Then we went to play a bit of pool and that's it. I'm here...

Rant time: Why can't I get a girlfriend!? I'm a nice guy. Not a dick like my friend. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years. My better friend and I thought cool, he's one of us again (single and stupid) but no. He's now a super dickfuck who hangs with children and dates one of them. What the fuck is with this dude? It's so unfair. Why do girls go for the retards?! I swear to God I'm so pissed off and obviously jealous. What's wrong with ME? Am I not good enough? If you're suggesting I make the moves then I will tell you I fucking can't. I'm a stupid pathetic wussy loser who can't do anything right. If it means my enjoyment and/or happiness, it won't friggin happen. I hate everyone. I'm going to bed to draw and cry. Argh I really hate everyone.

Goodnight to you miserable people and a fresh FUCK YOU to everyone who's happy.

- enin -
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Worse things..
What a crappy day. I could really go into it but I won't bore you. Basically I'm being haunted by an old companion of mine called "envy". Yeah. He's back. It just ruined my day.

Lonliness sucks. But there are worse things..

- enin -
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Monday, October 11, 2004

Water makes Fire
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. What am I thankful for? I'm thankful for erasers. You figure it out.

Since I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family already, I went out with some friends today to Korean BBQ. The food was plentiful. Every once in a while the server people will pour some water just around the rim of the BBQ thingy. When we finished dinner, we spent a good 15 mins watching the burnt stuff on the grill burn more. Since the outer rim of the BBQ was full of this meaty sludge, I thought it would be nice to pour some water myself. I missed the riim and poured water right on the grill. The grill went on fire. The flames blew up to 3 feet high. And trust me. I'm not a lying nutball or anything because my friends saw this too. WATER TO FIRE!!! I think I might be losing it. But then again, my insanity could be affecting my thinking... Think about it.

I'm a drummer. I drum everyday. Just thought I'd say that.

Enjoy the rest of your evening peoples. Goodnight.

- enin -
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Sunday, October 10, 2004

   Enter Enin
Hey everyone,

Ooh. My first post. I guess I'll start with my name. My name is Joshua. Just call me Josh if you wanna. My s/n is ENIN. UIn case you're wondering, ENIN is NINE spelled backwards. I'm a very multi-dimensional type of person. What do I mean by that? I can be anything. Trust me. But don't...

I'm a big Love Hina fan. I guess cuz I'm a dreamer. You know, that happy ending, romantic stuff? I'll go more into that later.

So yeah, you'll learn more about me eventually. Have a nice day!

- enin -
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