Sunday, January 30, 2005

I want to be dead
It's been awhile since I've ranted about ANYTHING. But after a break like I've just had,I need to explain it just a bit.

Monday January 24th

I heard on the radio that the 24th was the most depressing day in the year. At first I thought, "Haha. Miserable fucks. Nothing is going to bring me down."

I've never been so fucking wrong in my life.

First I had thought Pixie was mad at me (She really wasn't so that cheered me up. However, it didn't cheer me up enough.)

Throughout the week, shit just happened. Shit on top of shit on top of shit. I was considering posting a fully detailed bitch report but on MS Word, it equalled 7 pages and 23 paragraphs. I trimmed it ALOT and turned it into a point form summary (in no particular order). Here we go:

- Ran out of tea

- Bought tea and dropped it in muddy fucking slush on the way home. Went down to pick it up and slipped, smacking my face into the muddy slush. Humiliation number 1.

- Had to walk home with slushy face and coat to get more money to buy more fucking tea.

- While searching for some cash in my room, I discovered my hi-hat stand had a broken piece.

- While temporarily fixing it, the duct tape did not fucking cooperate and got stuck to my hair.

- After cursing like fucking madman, I fixed the hi-hat stand and went out again to buy some tea.

- Was informed by my father that the "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKIN' FUCK" shirt that I bought in New York was thrown away by my mom. It's not the easiest shirt to fucking find, goddamnit.

- While searching for cash, I stubbed my toe. Being the violent asshole that I am, I started thrashing about in my room, knocking over and destroying my Nazgul sculptures which I took days to make.

- Pissed off about the destruction of my sculpture, I punched a hole in my wall, shredding wounds into my knuckles and spilling blood on my carpet.

- Printer broke so I had to steal one from my friend. He think I owe him. Fuck him.

- Finally managed to get money and buy tea. Brought it home and made some. While carrying it to the table, I spilled some on my leg and now have minor burns which piss the fuck outta me.



- Even with a damaged fist and a burn on my leg, I drummed for a bit to mellow out. Broke another 3 drumsticks and got splintered from the shrapnel.

- In my fits of rage, I popped blood vessels and for a day my right eye was blood red.

- Also lost my voice for a period of time.

- Lost alot of sleep.

- While sleeping, lost blood as well because of opened scabs on my fist.

- Tried walking off my anger. Didn't work because my fucking boots have no fucking grip. Slipped and fell. Constantly. Humilation number three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twleve....


Fuck. I could go on forever because there's a whole list of the little things that pissed me off. But I guess it's time to end it with the mother of all fucked up things to happen to me. This ones a real bullet to the forehead. BIG FUCKING FINALE!!!

I was told by my dad that my cousin is seriously troubled and in trouble right now and getting herself into alot of shit meaning this is some kinda big fucking family issue. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo right? What does this have to do with me? This...

MY TRIP TO JAPAN IS CANCELLED!!!!!!!

Yeah. I can't go because of my stupid cousin. Fuck. Honestly I don't know what to say anymore. The one fucking trip I've been looking forward to for the longest time can't fucking happen. My escape will not be. Just typing this out makes me wanna break down. What the fuck is wrong here!?

I can't say anything anymore. Screw this.


- enin -
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