Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Back To The Good Insanity
Yeah-hah. I'm back everyone. I'll get to your sites today if I can. But yes. For those of you who are concerned about what happened to me for the past week-ish, it's below. Just give it a good highlight and read it through.

So basically the main reason I was away was because of a slight severe case of depression because I haven't seen or heard from Pixie for the longest time. This meant no contact with her whatsoever. I went mad (and slighty paranoid). I obviously tried to look like I'm doing fine around family and my bandboys but it didn't work. I cut myself off from everything for awhile. I stayed in my room for most of the time wondering if Pixie would call or something. The thing was that she wasn't feeling like herself and her life wasn't as thumbs-up as she wanted it to be so she cut herself away from the world for awhile as well. Including me. I stopped eating actually which really concerned alot of my friends. I'm not surprised though. I'm skinny enough as it is but I lost 13 lbs. because of it. I almost even stopped drinking tea. *nods* That's how shitty I felt. So without nutrition or protein (or any food whatsoever), I lacked the energy to drum. Well, I had a few candy fixes when I went to jam with the band boys but just enough to play a bit so they didn't think I was dying (which I sorta was). I did do a bit of drinking with the bandboys too (another thing which actually scared some close friends). So with the empty stomach and a record for not drinking very much, I suffered greatly. I'm telling you, I was a wreck. Without Pixie, I felt like garbage. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that it wasn't my fault but I punished myself anyway. Te make things worse, I received a text message from Pixie that said something that really really worried me about our relationship. I'd rather not think about it but it made me feel so much more like crap. Never again do I want to feel that way again. I was killing myself and apparantly, it was killing my friends too. I didn't mean to make anyone else feel that way and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

So if you read that, you'd probably want to know how I recovered. The first thing that helped me out was telling friends about my problems. Some online friends (Thanks Red & Evil, your open ears and wise words meant more than you know. Thank you.) and some offline (My bandboys. I don't know what I'd do without you crazy dudes). Letting it out felt good. So good.

Another something that helped me out was a certain little song called "YATTA" by Happatai. I've heard the song before but back then, I only notice the fig leaves and the silly dance. But now I see so much more. I demand that everyone seek the video and watch it, download the mp3 and listen to it, sing along to the instrumental, view the Jimmy Kimmel performance, learn the dance and/or jam to the remix if you haven't done so already. forget that. If you done so already, do it again anyway! It's such an uplifting song. It's so positive and it just made me feel like gold. I was close to crying tears of joy when I heard it the first time. I know to some of you it may seem a bit ridiculous but it killed my depression so if you find anything ridiculous about that, you can eat drumstick, fool. It's a catchy tune with a happy message. What more could you ask for?

Lastly, I visited Pixie. I walked all the way to her school in the rain to see her and it was fucking worth it. She was there and she's doing fine now. We talk for only 30 minutes but they were an awesome 30 minutes. I missed her so friggin' much. I even bought her Arizona Green Tea. She told me that she still had the first bottle I gave her because 1) I gave it to her 2) The bottle is pretty. Man it felt good. I visited her again yesterday (Tuesday) and I'm going to visit her again today, and tomorrow and as often as possible.

Ahh, you don't know how good it feels to be back.

In other news, I broke another 7 pairs of drumsticks last weekend and probably will break alot more this weekend. I've also eaten again. I am currently full of shrimp fried rice and black bean lobster. I miss my restaurants and it appears they missed me too.

Now I'm off to drink some hot tea and rock out to some loud banging tunes. Yep. I'm still insane but this time it's a good thing..

Cheers!!

- nine -
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