Sunday, December 18, 2005

It's gonna be a green Christmas...
*sigh*
I'm feeling not so cheery right now.. But before we get to that, let's rewind a bit.

Wednesday, I went to work as usual. Everyone left the offices early because the boss was gone to a Liberal party Christmas dinner. So we escaped work around 5:00pm. Instead of heading home (which probably would have been a good idea), I went downtown to the Eaton center to shop a bit.

Everywhere I went, the spirit of Christmas just illuminated throughout the mall. Different coloured lights, green and red themes were in almost every store, a big sparkly tree in the center of it all and other various Christmassy stuff. After about an hour of shopping and walking around, I stopped for a breather and stood on the second floor of the mall, peering over the rails while looking at the crowded floor below as well as the floor across the gap. I saw a group of friends showing each other what they bought for whom I assume are their other friends. I saw a grandma leaving a children’s clothing store with presents for her grandchildren. I saw an amusing couple. The woman zig-zagging from store to store with her significant other, loaded with bag not far behind. I saw a young brother and sister eating cookies and sharing a large cup of hot chocolate. Everything I saw was just a perfect little Christmas scene.
Now all this exposure to joy would supposedly make me pretty joyful too, right? Get me into the spirit and whatnot? Unfortunately, no...

I became bitter. I became jealous. For the first Christmas season in my life, I became Scrooged. I leaned on the rail and started to think. Last year, I had my band. We were just starting out. Five guys who were all about fun. Christmas equaled fun. At the time, I was also crazy about Pixie. It was around this time I decided to do something about my little crush and get her something for Christmas. And it was that gift that started it all. I was anxious to know how she would react to it. Last Christmas season was pretty swell...
And now they're gone. It freaks me out to know what I have instead. A job that pays.

Could I be any more Scrooged than that?

I mean, think about it! People who I simply adored in exchange for money? What the hell is happening to me? I don't feel the spirit this year. It scares me that I feel colder in the warmth of a heated mall than in the chilly winds of a Toronto winter.

Okay, I've still got some spirit in me. I've got present for my family and friends but this year is just feels so different. For once in my life, I'm kinda not looking forward to it all. I wanna have that feeling back.

Now I obviously can't put on a Santa hat and start singing carols down the street to make it all feel better. I've got projects to work on. (This is what I'm talking about!!) Hopefully I get through it all with enough time to get that feeling back. Once I've got work off my mind, it should be okay. Otherwise, I hope some ghosts pay me a visit.

Now where was I?

Thursday morning, I went as a supervisor with my little sister grade 5 class to see The Chronicles of Narnia. It was a good morning. Their teacher used to teach me in Grade 8. It was nice seeing her again. The children behaved so it was a nice trip. Heh, such cute kids. A few of them called me Neo because of my coat. Others called me The Terminator because it was leather. My sister stuck to calling me a dork.

The movie was fantastic. The CG animations were just incredible. The film stayed true to the novels in my opinion. I'm not going to be entirely nitpicky though. Mr. Tumnus was EXACTLY how I pictured him when I read the books. Oreius the centaur just f*cking owned. I mean, jeez. There's nothing better than a cavalry warrior who doesn't have to hold the reigns and wields two bloody swords. F*ck yeah. The kids and I simply loved the battle scenes. See it if you haven't already. I'm going again..

Friday felt like shit for everyone. It was just one of those days. We did get 20 centimeters of snow though. That was nice.

Yesterday (Saturday), I spent most of my day cleaning my room. I started to get all nostalgic and stuff because I sorted through old stuff like cards, notes, and gifts from friends and ...umm.. Yeah. I really felt bummed out about everything. I was supposed to go to a party that night but I just didn't have it in me to leave my room. Instead, I drank tea and listened to music for awhile. I snapped out of it later that evening and went online. Thanks to a few MSNers, I felt a bit better.

Yeah.. I'm not liking this bitterness. It's probably not going to last. I'd just like to lose it as quickly as possible. I need Christmas lights in my room. It might not help much but it'll look pretty....


Bah Cheers,

- Enin-eezer Scrooge -
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