Sunday, December 12, 2004

   For a Minute there, I lost myself...
^^ Isn't that such a kewl lyric? I wub Radiohead.

I'm feeling better than I have done for months, And I can't find anything to write... ^_^

Well, i'mma probably write later, since I've just woke up, and yeah...

My lips are sore... and chapped. Lol.
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Thursday, December 9, 2004

   Daily Horoscope.
Dealing with family matters can put an emotional strain on you. That's because you're eager to make changes while everybody else wants to maintain the status quo. Instead of waiting for others to come around, take action. You simply can't afford to let a golden opportunity pass you by and while your behaviour will upset a business or romantic partner, they'll come to thank you for this act of courage. Why do you need to get out and enjoy yourself this week? Call my special Leo line 0905 062 3549 to learn why your love life takes a turn for the better. Will a younger person needs your attention at the end of the week?



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   I am so Fuggin pissed off.
For feg's sake. Why the fug do parents have to be such pricks???!?!?! I feel so fuggin angry. I'm saying fug or feg btw, so I don't swear so much. I've become one of those fuckin townie pricks who swear repeatedly just to make them look hard. Guh... Half a fuggin hour! That's all I get on the net nowadays... I hope it's only for this week... but I didn't even bloody well do anything!! I said I was angry... BIG FUCKIN' WOOP. They speak to the fuckin' dog better than they speak to me... everyone single fuckin' line is a fuckin' insult. Guh... i'm saying fuck again. Meh... i'm too pissed off to go back to change it. This has not been a good ol' week for Miss Rhi. Guh... i'm so angry and frustrated to even write about it. I've lost two CD's, I've been insulted and basically told to shut up by my parents, and just generally fegged off. Yay.
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

   I am the Music.. uh girl... I come from down your way...
I'm not feeling well this week. I feel weak too often lately. It's annoying. And what is annoying is the fact that I gotta keep lying to people. Everyone asks me if i'm alright, how are you, are you sure you're alright, etc, etc. But i'm not. But, I really don't want to tell anyone why, but I hate lying to them. So far i've just been saying i'm okie... which I suppose isn't really a lie... I mean i'm still living, i'm not starving to death or anything. But I think it's obvious to people that i'm not. I mean, i'm not good at lying convincingly, and people always pick up on it. Guh...

Thing is, I can't really tell anyone about it. I don't know why... I just... feel so stupid. I know what they'll all say... and I just don't want to hear it. I actually told someone today... Josh from my English class. The first thing he said was the exact same thing that I think everyone will say, which is what i'm afraid of people saying. I mean... I don't even know why I did it in the first place... I think the only reason it wasn't working was because of me... I was too afraid of what might happen... I mean, after Jake... it's been so hard. But... yeah. ._. I'm so fuckin' stupid. I can't see a good thing when it's right in front of me. I look a gift horse right in the mouth and don't even notice it, not even when it's breath smells and it's teeth look like Roadkill.

Meh... I'm just glad I have somewhere to put all this down... I don't like to talk to anyone anymore. It's not that I don't trust them... which most of them, I don't, but I just don't know what to say. I mean, my problems always seem so insignificant to other peoples... I feel so stupid getting all upset over it.

Guh, My stomach is making weird noises... that must mean that I need food or something. I'd better go get some pasta or something before Dad realises i'm hungry then tries to cook something for me. He's better lately. I think the scare with Molly has changed him a little.

So, till next time, dudes and dudettes...

OOOOH! Atomic Betty is on!!!! ^______^
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Sunday, December 5, 2004

Yeah, I stole Joe's quiz. So sue me.
I'm feeling so confused... What the hell is wrong with me? I'm thinking something that I shouldn't be thinking... well, not now anyways... not after... guh >.<

I've never really felt like this before... well I have... but that was different. This is just weird.

Anyways... before I confuse eveyone else, i'mma do a quiz that I stole.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Needles
2. Insects (especially Spiders)
3. Babies and Small Children

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. Why people lie
2. Physics
3. Me

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to play the Drums
2. How to love someone
3. How to be a better person than I am now.

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Black Trousers
2. Aloha Hoodie
3. Umm.... Red lacy bra? 0_o

THREE THINGS ON THE DESK AT SCHOOL/WORK
1. A Santa hat with pigtails
2. A graphics tablet pen
3. My EMA form

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1.Love someone
2. Meet JK Rowling
3. Feel beautiful

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Umm... I can't really think of any... Happy? Sometimes? 0_o
2. Um... I like to think i'm trustworthy, but people obviously think different.
3. Respectful as I can be.

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Cynical (even though people might not notice it)
2. I think horrible thoughts (sometimes even downright dirty. >.<)
3. People can wind me up easily.

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Oh gee... um... my... ass?
2. My.... lips...
3. My legs.

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My face
2. My stomach
3. My back *is debating whether to add on all the rest*

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. There's one secret that no one knows... and no one is gonna know.
2. I tend to get taken advantage of easily... (not always in that way!! :P)
3. I think about things too much, so much so that I over analyse things, then ruin them.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST (IN NO ORDER)
1. Tickety Boo
2. Feckin'
3. Boom! or Nyak!

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO
1. Japan
2. China
3. Thailand

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY
1. Rhi
2. Annie
3. Any of my usernames, so Epona, Yuffie, Ashes etc.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE OR HAD
1. Ashes
2. Tifa
3. Luna

There are loads more.

NUMBER OF...
1. Piercings = 2
2. Tattoos = None
3. Height = I dunno. 0_o
4. Shoe size = 6
5. Hair color = Mousy Brown
6. Siblings = One

LAST...
1. Movie(s) you rented = Underworld
2. Movie you bought = Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ^________^
3. Song you listened to = Dumb - Garbage
4. CD you bought = Sonic Youth - Can't remember the name
5. CD you listened to = Garbage - Version 2.0
6. TV show you've watched = The Simpsons
7. Person you kissed = Danule...
8. Person you were thinking of = Umm... Yeah.

DO...
1. You have a crush on someone = Yes.
2. You wish you could live somewhere else = Yes
3. You think about suicide = Like you wouldn't believe.
4. You believe in online dating = I think if people can do it, then they're very committed. I personally wouldn't be able to make it work, not being able to see them or hold them.
5. Others find you attractive = Um.. I think so. I'm not too sure anymore though.
6. You want more piercings = Yes
7. You drink = Hell Yeah
8. You do drugs = Pot
9. You smoke = Only ^^
10. You like cleaning = Only myself...
11. You like roller coasters = No. >.<
12. You write in cursive or print = Cursive I would say

FOR OR AGAINST...
1. Long distance relationships = Against
2. Suicide = --
3. Killing people = For
4. Teenage smoking = Against.
5. Doing drugs = For
6. Driving drunk = Against.
7. Gay/lesbian relationships = VERY For.
8. Soap operas = For

HAVE YOU...
1. Ever cried over a boy? Yes
2. Ever cried over a girl? Yes >_<
3. Ever lied to someone? Yes
4. Ever been in a fist fight? Yes
5. Ever been arrested? No

WHAT
1. Shampoo do you use? Dove
2. Shoes do you wear? Dr. Martens or Trainers
3. Is your desktop background : A weird picture of some cracked face

NUMBER...
1. Of times I have been in love? ... I don't think I have ever been in love... I don't think I will be.
2. Of times I have had my heart broken? Once.
3. Of girls/guys I have kissed? 4 Girls, 5 guys.
4. Of girls/guys I've slept with? Almost 1.
5. Of drugs taken illegally? --
6. Of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? I'm not so sure anymore.
7. Of people I consider my enemies? A lot.
8. Of scars on my body? 8
9. Of things in my past that I regret? A LOT.


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Monday, November 29, 2004

   Wow... Creepy... 0_o
I apparantly have a creepy journal... ^_^.

Guh... is it just me or are Teachers really evil Nazi's who have a master plan to torture students by giving them homework? I have a commentary to do by tomorrow a.k.a an essay about why I wrote something, and another piece of homework. How Evil.

Meh... food.
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Thursday, November 25, 2004

   Guh... what a week.
My god... this week has just been.... bleh. I've been running around like a rabbit on crack, and now i've got my much anticipated monthly visit from dear old Aunty Flo. Ah, how I love her.

So, due to this recent visit... my back has been absolutely killing me. I mean, it's bad anyways... and usually gets worse around... this time of the month (yeah, i'm not one to keep things like that to myself ¬_¬ ), but this week, it's just been almost unbearable. And having to carry around a damn laptop plus all the books I have to lug around school all day does NOT help matters, neither does the metal cow gate my mum calls my bed. I can't sleep in that bed. First the damn pillow falls off the end of the bed, and my neck gets sore from lying on no pillow, then a spring decides to break, then the quilt gets all mangled... guh. >.< It annoys me just thinking about it.

Ah... normally I'd go on to explain about my day here... but I can't even trust anyone enough to put it in my own journal. How sad is that? But let's just say... i'm so annoyed. Certain things just needle me all the time, and it's needling me that it needles me, and i'm needled because it needles me that i'm needled. Does that make sense?

I gotta go, since Mum will NOT shut up about her damn tea... one day i'm just gonna make her tea, take it up to her and shove it in her face, while laughing hysterically.

And in the words of my goof... sorry, good :P friend Joe...

Until next time... uh... *thinks of witty remark*

Remember: At high noon, watch for falling Beefs for they spontaneously combust when mixed with cheese. (Can't trust those Dairylea cows, I tell ya.)
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Great... now I gotta explain myself in my own Fuckin' Journal.
Yeah. Someone seems to have got the wrong end of the stick.

The Walking Dictionary is Ali. Yes, the best friend that i'm always talking about. My one best friend makes me feel so stupid and bad about myself that I hit myself over the forehead any time I can, just to make myself feel better. Now you all know why I do it. You probably just think i'm saying this to cover my back, but like i said, I don't care anymore. People say things about me, i know they do, I've heard about it. Everyone just seems to like telling tales on each other and it's petty.

Can't believe I just had to explain myself in my own damn journal.
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   What the hell is the point?
What the hell is the point in anything I do? It's not as if I make a difference even if I try. It dosen't help that the people i'm working with are narrow-minded and nasty tell-tales either. I mean, there's not even any point in school anymore... I'm working on art... for what? So I can get go to Falmouth for years, do a degree, then get a stupid dead-end job working in Tescos or whatever.

I try to help friends, I wanted Vee to come down with her mates, and we call ALL have a laugh... not just my friends, HER as well. I don't see why we should leave her out. So, I try to get a meeting where we're all together, and everyone's like 'Oh yeah, i'm up for it, yeah i'll come'. Then they go and arrange another meeting behind my back at EL's!! I mean, talk about kick in the feckin' teeth. To arrange something else anyways is just downright nasty, but they're insulting me in the worst way possible by going to hers. It's like they're choosing her over me, which I know it's not what they're doing, but metaphorically speaking, that's what it is. I'm fed up of being the bad guy out of this whole 'me and el' thing. I've decided I don't care anymore. I don't care if people see me as backstabbing, or manipulative. I really don't care. They obviously aren't my friends and never have been. And I don't care if they decide to choose me over El. It didn't bother me whether they saw her or not up till now. But rubbing it in my face like this... and insulting, not just me, but Vee, who is trying to hard to get my lot to like her, and she suggested she come with her mates with drink and everything, but no. They've just thrown it back in their faces. It's rude, and nasty, and I never thought my friends could be capable of something as nasty as this. But no, they obviously have more important things to do then making friends with Vee... smoking pot and getting drunk.

And something else that bothers me. Tell tales! I'm going to watch who I talk to from now on. I think I can confide in people and trust them, but obviously not. I say something to someone, to make them feel better, and they go and tell the person who i'm talking about what I said. I can't remember whether I said it or not, so, i'm going to presume I did, but they know very well what i meant by it. They know very well that I didn't mean it in that way, an idiot would know that. Yet they still choose to stir things up. Yet, the funny thing is, I could tell everyone things about them that could make everyone mad, but I'm not going to. I don't see the point in being petty. But it just needles me that I think I can trust someone, and I try to help, and it's just thrown back in my face.

ANOTHER thing that needles me. Why must I always be made out to be stupid? I don't need a fuckin' walking dictionary, following me around and picking up on every mistake I make, telling me things I already know, and telling me things to see if they know more than me. I don't care whether you know more than me!! Keep it to your feckin' self!! Just leave me the hell alone.

And Yet another thing that's been annoying me. Why the hell is it, that people talk about other's behind their backs, make them fell small and patronised, and like they've done something wrong, just been downright nasty, and yet, when someone else picks up on it, and says something about it, they get all stuck up and uptight. Just because they're so used to being adored all the time.

Guh... I never used to be like this. I never used to say things about people like this... but I can't help it though. I feel like people are changing, and none of them are changing in a good way. All my friends are becoming alcoholics, drug addicts, slackers, etc, and it's making them a less nicer person. I'm sure i'm not exactly changing for the better either, but I just can't wait when I leave. I'll leave for Falmouth in nearly two years or so, and leave them all behind, and I can't wait. It's not like people miss me anyways, that's obvious.
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Friday, November 12, 2004

Woo, Forum revamped!!
Hey. Everyone who reads this and likes music and art, go here:

http://s6.invisionfree.com/innuendo
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