Saturday, October 23, 2004

   Thinkin'. Just thinkin'. And no, it did NOT hurt. >.
Today is one of those days where it's raining, you don't get dressed until mid-afternoon, and you're bored, so you may as well write in your otaku account. Yeah, i'm bored.

I realised lately how boyish I really am, but it's wierd, since i'm only boyish when i'm on my own or at home with my family. I think that might have something to do with the fact that I can never be myself around people. I don't show off... hell no... what would I show off about? But, I know I don't act like ME me when i'm around people. I think that's why I like to be alone. I don't have to put on a face to keep my dignity or whatever. Yeah, i hate that.

Isn't it wierd how reading other people's thoughts is quite interesting? I mean, I read a lot of Otaku accounts... and while none of them really compare to how twisted my head is, it's strange what people think are problems. It's like; 'Oh, I'm single, please shoot me.' or 'I'm too fat, even though i'm the size of a garden rake, I'd better go on that Fatkins' Diet thing.' People get depressed over the stupidest things, I expect I've been guilty of it as well. I get down because I hate my body, and have real problems when it comes to wearing skirts or anything because of it. But is that really reason to get depressed? I've never been depressed by it. Sure, I have a horrible body, but not all of it is bad... some people say i have a nice arse. There, it's not all bad. But it just needles me when stupid people get depressed for stupid reasons, because it gives a bad name to the people who are properly depressed.

Why is life so complicated? I know if it wasn't complicated, it would be boring... but for some things, i don't see how that works out. I mean, if you liked someone, you could get together with no complications and you'd not be bored, you'd be happy. So why have complications? I think, if there is a god, which I really don't think there is and i don't see reason to believe that there is, but is there is, I reckon he's a huge cruel kid with a magnifiying glass, using the sun to burn hurt into us. I mean, if God is so omnipotent and all-knowing, why dosen't he help those that are in need of help? No, he dosen't do that. Instead he decides to pick on some poor, third world country and make a natural disater happen. They say that man made evil, but who made man, huh? Who made man with all his faults and fears and problems? God. If God supposedly made us, he made us with these flaws on purpose. Like they say, nobody's perfect, and whose fault is that? Gods.

Why are people shocked that I believe these things? I mean, I told someone that i didn't think that Satan was evil, and they called me a Satanist. Wha?

Anyways, gotta go, the lights are flickering.
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