Tuesday, November 23, 2004

   What the hell is the point?
What the hell is the point in anything I do? It's not as if I make a difference even if I try. It dosen't help that the people i'm working with are narrow-minded and nasty tell-tales either. I mean, there's not even any point in school anymore... I'm working on art... for what? So I can get go to Falmouth for years, do a degree, then get a stupid dead-end job working in Tescos or whatever.

I try to help friends, I wanted Vee to come down with her mates, and we call ALL have a laugh... not just my friends, HER as well. I don't see why we should leave her out. So, I try to get a meeting where we're all together, and everyone's like 'Oh yeah, i'm up for it, yeah i'll come'. Then they go and arrange another meeting behind my back at EL's!! I mean, talk about kick in the feckin' teeth. To arrange something else anyways is just downright nasty, but they're insulting me in the worst way possible by going to hers. It's like they're choosing her over me, which I know it's not what they're doing, but metaphorically speaking, that's what it is. I'm fed up of being the bad guy out of this whole 'me and el' thing. I've decided I don't care anymore. I don't care if people see me as backstabbing, or manipulative. I really don't care. They obviously aren't my friends and never have been. And I don't care if they decide to choose me over El. It didn't bother me whether they saw her or not up till now. But rubbing it in my face like this... and insulting, not just me, but Vee, who is trying to hard to get my lot to like her, and she suggested she come with her mates with drink and everything, but no. They've just thrown it back in their faces. It's rude, and nasty, and I never thought my friends could be capable of something as nasty as this. But no, they obviously have more important things to do then making friends with Vee... smoking pot and getting drunk.

And something else that bothers me. Tell tales! I'm going to watch who I talk to from now on. I think I can confide in people and trust them, but obviously not. I say something to someone, to make them feel better, and they go and tell the person who i'm talking about what I said. I can't remember whether I said it or not, so, i'm going to presume I did, but they know very well what i meant by it. They know very well that I didn't mean it in that way, an idiot would know that. Yet they still choose to stir things up. Yet, the funny thing is, I could tell everyone things about them that could make everyone mad, but I'm not going to. I don't see the point in being petty. But it just needles me that I think I can trust someone, and I try to help, and it's just thrown back in my face.

ANOTHER thing that needles me. Why must I always be made out to be stupid? I don't need a fuckin' walking dictionary, following me around and picking up on every mistake I make, telling me things I already know, and telling me things to see if they know more than me. I don't care whether you know more than me!! Keep it to your feckin' self!! Just leave me the hell alone.

And Yet another thing that's been annoying me. Why the hell is it, that people talk about other's behind their backs, make them fell small and patronised, and like they've done something wrong, just been downright nasty, and yet, when someone else picks up on it, and says something about it, they get all stuck up and uptight. Just because they're so used to being adored all the time.

Guh... I never used to be like this. I never used to say things about people like this... but I can't help it though. I feel like people are changing, and none of them are changing in a good way. All my friends are becoming alcoholics, drug addicts, slackers, etc, and it's making them a less nicer person. I'm sure i'm not exactly changing for the better either, but I just can't wait when I leave. I'll leave for Falmouth in nearly two years or so, and leave them all behind, and I can't wait. It's not like people miss me anyways, that's obvious.
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