Wednesday, January 2, 2008

   At least there’s you....
I live in such a great world...

No problems, No pain, No hurt,

Not a thing to worry about....

There's always someone there,

You'll never be alone,

You've got all you ever wanted,

You won't ever need a thing again....

It's all just fantasy, I try and play it off.

Fake smiles, fake laughs....

I hate being fake....

But I hate causing others pain....

So I live in that world,

Pretend all is okay,

Let everyone know that there nothing for worry,

But when that world's gone,

And I arrive to my empty home,

It all crashes down on me....

What am I to do-? I ask...

Should I start feeling the truth-? I wonder....

But I couldn't do that- I can't do that-....

I can't make others suffer like I....

Too those few who actually know me,

Know the me past the fake world,

I can't tell if I should be happy you're there,

Or upset that you are,

That you have to worry and care more...

But at least I'm not fake there....

At least I've got you there....


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Monday, December 31, 2007

Pictures Of Me







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Saturday, December 29, 2007

Lost Confusion
Sitting on my window sill,

I look past the glass, fractured,

Everything distorted,

All colliding in to one black abyss.

The trees green smudges,

The cars all crushed.

The roads onyx streaks,

The sky stretching and untold.

Reaching out my hand,

I gently press them together.

I try to make it better.

But they only shatter more,

Falling into more peices,

The downward spiral now in oblivion.

With one gentle touch,

I ruined it all....

The blood from my fingers now washing it away.

Nothing is left,

No ones' around,

I'm all alone now,

The lonliness prolonged.



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   Blood

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   Fuck The Life
Fuck life- and fuck it again.

That never ending dream I resided in gone.

I knew it was fake- but you didn't have to tear it away-

Pull it to shreds-

Peices left astray-

The burning fires in life never ending-

Never dying.

Won't it ever go away!?

I want to run-

I want to leave-

I want to bleed-

I need the speed-

Adrenaline rushing through me-

My anger rising farther,

I wan't to let it out-

I can't take it any longer!

I've held it in for years- but now you've made me break-!

If there was one thing you should take back-

It'd be to re-do that mistake.

It's gonna happen any day now,

Sleep-deprived, insomnia-

I'll either pass out- or I will go insane.

I'd hate it to happen too-

But I guess that's the price I pay-

For holding it all in,

For being pushed around every day.


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Thursday, December 27, 2007

   Hell On Earth







Rising from hell I felt the pain fade,

A light peculiar feeling fill it's place.

But when I arrived,

Finally back on Earth,

I take one look around and find myself back in a dejavu.

The burning fires of pain,

Sizzling and melting everything it touched,

Scorched with the rains or depression, seeping into my very being and soul.

All crashing down on me,

Surrounding me,

The egress lost from veiw again.


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Saturday, December 8, 2007

   My Poems




Loss:

Pain, Despair,
Gotta let the words out,
All of these feelings,
That I always block out,

Shed a tear,
Add some blood,
Each hit and blow,
Plunges me to the mud,

Falling, heading down,
Nothing matters anymore,
Not when I push my own friends,
Out the closing door.





What can happen to me more?:

Why am I still here,
When I feel so dead?

All this pain, all the lost luck,
It's not just in my head.

You can imagine, shudder then cry,
The pain I am going through is near reaching suicide.

What can I do?
Nothing is possible,
I've returned to the neverending pit.

Falling, falling-....
This time, there's no getting out of it.





By-Stander:
You've gone missing from my life,
Each day you drifted farther away,
I can't stand to bear this feeling,
That you've left me here to stay.

I try harder all the time,
To put your sould here next to mine,
But I guess I can't defeat life,
Our fates will never intertwine.

But then it'll be a new day,
And maybe somehow I will see you,
Just your face,
Even if that's the only part,
To me it'd be a miracle,
If you could just say hello,
And maybe someday you will choose to stay with me,
But that day was too long ago.

You've gone missing in my life,
Each day you drifted farther away,
Are you trying to tell me to let you go?
It's like I don't exist- I was never meant to be....

Just a bystander in the silence all alone.




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