Sunday, February 10, 2008

   Ugh...
Well friday I got to stay home because I had a fever and the school wouldn't take me. I also had my last doctors apointment as well.

All the blood tests came back negative.. meaning nothing that they tested for was wrong with me.. Which is good. But, I still feel paniced on sunday, and all my symtoms that I had threwout the months, act up.

The funny thing is, it only starts on sunday, and drives me insain till I get to school. Then most of the time it goes away. However there has been those days when it last threwout tusday, and even threw wensday if it wishes to piss me off. So really I'm fine til sunday. But when sunday comes around... I'm rather emotional, and im starting to drive my parents nuts.. xD

So I don't get it? And I have no idea how to get it to go away. The part I hate is my dactor not listening to me. When I asked him what it maybe he didn't answer and asked me if my ear was doing better... (I have an ear infection in my right ear.. :P)

So I didn't get ANY answers from him... I'm really geting annoyied.. -.-

Yesterday Aunda called and asked if i wanted to go to the mall with her and her mom. So I went with them. I got two pairs of earings! xD The funny thing is I hae to wait to get my ears perirced... um hehe >.>

Oh and she got me a 3-volume-in-one book ^^

Come to think of it.. I sound rather greedy and unthankful.. Here I am complaining about my body, and my parents and friends are here trying to make me feel better... I don't even understand myself anymore. I mean, I was never like this. And listening to myself like this is making me sick and want to cry because oh how pathetic I have become.. Maybe I don't have a hold of my self... Maybe I'm not even me anymore? I don't know anymore, and that fact alone scareds me more then any pain I am feeling. I am never one to admit that I am afraid of myself. So I am very weak at the moment to say this. But at the moment I kinda don't feel like I deserve anything I have gotten anymore.

All I know is that I feel like this most when I am alone. But I know very well I can't hid with others from that. But, how do you over come a fear. When you your self, isn't certain that it doesn't truely exsist?

My head hurts... HAHAHA!!
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