Tuesday, November 23, 2004

   I'm trying something new!!
Near or far
there is a big smile
coming from the sky
to help you through

So I'm here
A breeze from my soul
Watching over you, as you live

So now, here you are
So happily, marching
through this road
of endless hopelessness,
which once took my breath

I can only watch you from the moon
To see you are happy,
even though I'm gone
Don't look back
at the memories we created
Because they are pain for you too

Bounded in this world
of endless happiness
I wish I was there
Near your side, like the old days
we once shared

So please
do all the things I never did
and go to all the places
we promised we'd go,
and in my name...

Never cry
because I'll be by the moon
crying alongside you,
never resting in peace

If you loved me
I loved you even more
And I'll never leave your side
Even when I'm forgotten



OMG!! My first lame poem on this otaku. Where or how did I get inspired? I dunno. I just like started writing stuff. Some grammar errors here and there...but oh well...too lazy to actually correct the errors. Go ahead and bash me =(



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Saturday, November 20, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
I felt reborn. I had been granted a second chance in life. Going back home and knowing that there was going to be no more gloomy nights at the hospital was just exhilirating. I ran inside, to my white house and jumped right onto my bed. Life was normal once again for me.

Or so I thought....
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Friday, November 12, 2004

   ...not related to the story...
Well yea it took me awhile to update this thing but I finally moved on in the story. OOhh!! What's next you ask? Well hopefully an interesting story plot. LoL. I don't wanna bore n e of you out there. Well yea I'm thinking about the next story to write after I finish this one. :-D
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Thursday, November 11, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
The doctor sat in front of us. His office was quiet and cold.
"During the past months we have been evaluating Ami's condition and the chemo's progress against the cancer cells. We took one test last month and the results were something to be happy about. The cancer cells have almost disappeared".
My heart jupmed with joy. My parents were happy as well. I couldn't believe this was true.
"Still she will have to continue treatment because chances are that the cells reappear. We will change her medications so she can have a smooth, easy transition away from the chemo. And Ami...your long black hair will grow back eventually," he said.
I had a big smile on my face. I looked over at my parents. They seemed so happy.
It felt as if a big gloomy cloud had went away, like if a big boulder had been lifted from my parents' shoulders.
I went to my hospital room where I had stayed the majority of the time other than the weekends when I visited my parents at home. It was no longer a hospital bed for me, a sad and depressed room for the sick. It was my second home. I wasn't the only one who "resided" there but so did 14 other kids. All about my age and younger with their hair gone. It saddened me to realize they had been battling their illnesses for a much longer period than I and had spent much of their childhoods here fighting for their lives. When I toild them that I was leaving soon they became sad but happy at the same time. They were happy that I had beaten the cancer and was already on the recuperating stage but where sad because one of their friends was leaving.
"Don't worry, I'll come back again to visit you guys!" I told them.
"Don't forget to bring back pictures from all the shrines you told us about!" said a little boy.
"Bring us pictures from your school and your friends!" said a little girl.
"I will!" I promised them
They had becomed my second family.
My friends, my brothers and sisters.

Five months later, the doctor was already filling out the release forms. The cancer cells were completely gone. They didn't want me to leave until all the cancer cells where gone. I visited the kids one more time to give them words of encouragement.
"I'm already leaving. But I will never forget you all. Just remember that this is one battle you have to give everything you got. I fought for my life just like all of you here. There were times I felt like giving in. But then I didn't because I remembered that life only comes around once. You have to appreciate it and efend it. I wouldn't have been able to get well if it hadn't been the support from all of you. Treatment is not easy. The side effects feel awful. But I always had your support and that was what gave me the strength to fight the pain and go on. If I was able to go through it, so will all of you. And someday you will be out of this hospita, go back to school and have lots of friends!" I felt like I wanted to cry. I couldn't stop smiling. They were so hopeful. That was what made me smile.
My parents had already come to pick me up. Within a few minutes I stepped outside of the hospital. I looked back one more time. I realized my lesson learned...

Never take life for granted because you'll know how important it is to you when you're about to lose it. It doesn't come around again. Live life like it's your last day. To the fullest everyday.
I was just 11 years old now. And I knew I was going to come across people who felt differently. I was going to help them now so that they could learn what I had to learn without them going through the pain.
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
Whether it was Yumi's loss that gave me a new perspective at life or a new perspective at my illness, I knew that I felt different about the whole situation. I was going to fight this cancer. I was just a little girl. There were so many things I still wanted to do. I had many dreams and I was not going to let this disease take my life before I even had a chance to fulfill my dreams.
After a year in constant therapy, the doctor called our house one late afternoon. He said it was important. My heart raced in fear.
Was it something bad? Had it gotten worse?
My parents got ready to go to the hospital. I was afraid to go and find what the doctor wanted to say, but the curiosity of a little girl changed my mind and I went.
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Sunday, October 24, 2004

   ...yea...
Es git kaine silche Suche wien whin geter Fraund. Jeder ist verfluchter Heuchler. Deir guite ner Fraund ist siech. Ich hazse frome Heuchler. Wie einige Leute, dae iche wuiß. Sien geihen zure Kerche, bekennen, daß sie Gotter und doch they're Mietteil zei den Leiuten liebein. Sei sund zwei gegenübergestelltez Taufel.
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Saturday, October 23, 2004

I got this from destinysweetman's site...lol

My japanese name is ’†‘º Nakamura (center of the village) ŽO�ç‘ã Michiyo (three thousand generations).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

   ...continued from last post...
My dad came back into the room with a relieved face.
"Our family in Osaka has offered to help us pay for Ami's treatment," he said.
My mother stood up relieved.
"They said that they will support us financially for her treatment."
For some apparent reason, my hopes of living was regained.

For the following months, the chemotherapy took a toll on me.
If it wasn't nausea or vomiting it was something else. I became susceptible to infections, so I had to be careful when I went outside.
My hair of course began to fall out. It was a terrible experience. Sometimes I just felt like giving up. But seeing the other kids in the hospital in the same situation as me, gave me the strength to fight on.Most days I would spend them in bed feeling terribly weak. My parents kept me in the hospital because they felt that I was safer in here in case something happened.
It didn't take long before I got used to the hospital atmosphere. Nurses rushed back and forth, other cancer patients undegoing through complications...
I met new kids who also had medulloblastoma. Another girl that I had met had terminal cancer. Her name was Yumi.
Kids at the hospital would tell me she had been fighting cancer for six years and was seen as a strong warrior. She maintained the hope for many of the kids there. In my sixth month of treatment, the shy 13 year old Yumi had been rushed to the emergency room, or so I was told. Yumi died that day, but was still alive in many of the kids' hearts and mine.

In memory of my Jr.High Buddy and H.S. friend,

Joel
R.I.P

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Friday, October 15, 2004

...not related to the story...
I've been very busy @ school that I haven't really had time to come home and spend time writing/ typing the story on the otaku. That's why I take a long time to post. But hopefully after saturday I'll have more time to post and get a move on the story. In my opinion it gets good and even better later on! lol
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
I looked around frantically, searching for my parents. I was taken into a cold room with a big bright lamp. They had everything ready for the surgery. I don't remember much detail because I kept searching for my parents. All I remember was them putting something on my face, and then I fell unconscious.
The next day, I woke up again in my room. My mom was there, but not my dad.
"Mom?" Where's dad?" I asked.
"Ami! You're finally awake!"
"Yeah. Where's dad?" I asked again.
"He went to work. But don't worry, I'll take care of you."
About a couple of days later, I found out that the surgery had been actually the main biopsy. My mom hoped the results would be negative. She was always optimistic.
However, the doctor came in and told us the results were positive. I did have cancer cells.My parents had many questions and so did I. But my one question was "Why me?"
Considering my parents' financial crisis these past few years, I now felt like a burden.
My parents and the doctor discussed ways to cure me. It was either chemo, radiation, or another surgery. I kept an eye on my parents, how troubled they were. They looked about the room as if looking for magical hands to come out of the walls with money. And they would look at me, lying in bed with a head cast. I must've looked what I felt like. Sad, tired, weak, and hopeless.
In the end, my parents agreed to chemotherapy. It as the only option they felt safe and familiar with. After the doctor left, my mom and I talked. My dad went outside to make a call.
"Ami, you're going to be all right," she assured me.
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