Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm not living this life like this.
All in favor say "I"
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Sunday, October 18, 2009

why don't you just go home?
...I hate it when he comes back even if I don't believe that he's even real.

I did not take advantage of her.
she was awake.
and she wasn't even as drunk as I was.
She could have told me to stop.
She could have pushed me away.
but she didn't.
and she kept saying it.

I thought that after all of this you may have realized that you loved me just enough not to hurt me like this.. but it looks like you're just using him as a way to blame me for all the things i've done lately.

you don't love me, no. Not in the slightest little way.

That's why It won't be a big deal. You won't mind.
The only problem I have is the fact that I'm giving into what he wants.

I need to get away from here.
I need to get away from you, and him.
and me. and her. and everyone.
i need to be alone.
and then i won't even have that.
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Saturday, October 17, 2009

from up here the city lights burn like a thousand miles of fire
without you my life is so dull.
:(
swine flu has hit cashton.
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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Somehow I've found a way to get lost in you.
Nothing feels right when you aren't here.

that's why i'm never going to make it.. never.
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Are you ready for this?
it's days like these when I wish that things wouldn't have to end this way.
I've never been as happy as when you smile at me..
I just wish I could always keep it that way.

I've never been more sexually bothered as I was tonight..
because you've never touched me like that. It doesn't mean anything I know but it was like electric shocks going through my body. I almost couldn't breathe..
How many times exactly did I have you pinned right where I wanted you? Haha.
I know you're not used to being touched like that, I'm not used to being able to touch you like that but it's the most amazing feeling in the world.
I know you're trying not to hurt my feelings but I think that maybe deep down you like it.. If only just a bit.
you love the attention I give you, and i love you too much to stop.

I love you more then you'll ever be able to understand.

When you hug me that tight.. I hope and pray that you'll never let go of me.. because for those few seconds everything in my life is perfect. every single thing. I felt it last night.. I felt the way you squeezed my hand when I left.. I know it means nothing but it meant the world to me.

I am the most pathetic person in the world, haha.

--

I had my first F.O.R meeting today. I'm kind of excited. I don't like that the first project will make Jordan and Rita work together though.. Oh well.. I wish I could draw. :/

I have a feeling i'm not going to see you a lot this weekend... :( Maybe I'll just kidnap you on Saturday night.

Normality does not exist in my life.

the end.
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

choris romance says goodnight.
i don't want to be saved.
so don't try to stop me.

maybe i shouldn't have said that last night.
i think it creeped you out.

goal: kick the dentist in the nuts.
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Monday, October 12, 2009

and i'll never see you again.
the fact that it hasn't snowed already today...
kind of depresses me.
oh well.

she's so getting a cake in her face on her birthday.
>;3

goal: not to freeze to death yet.
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Sunday, October 11, 2009

give me therapy.
my days are all running together, i didn't even realize that today was a different day.. huh weird.

i have never been that... bothered by your prescence. but then again I've never pressed my body that close to yours either.. haha.
the point was for you to fall into my lap.. duhhh.

all is well again in jon and rita paradise.
i guess that i hope rita and jordan can work things out..
afterall rita is kind of over reacting..
i have to look from both sides i guess..
i'm just glad jon's not going after MY girl.
haha... right.

god my life is a mess.

goal: actually do my homework one of these nights? haha.
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Saturday, October 10, 2009

i guess we're all one phone call from our knees
huh. i missed a day. but only because I wasn't even home at all until after midnight.

i like the way your elbow was pressed into my side and the way you let me wrap my arm around your waist when we where walking through the mall. I was to afraid to hold on to you for long so i let go.. but it was amazing while it lasted.

and you think i didn't hear you when you said that but i don't think your brain quite caught up with your mouth before you said it. "we could pretend to be a couple."
yeah. we could.

Our dynamic trio is now a dynamic duo.
i hate being the inbetween.
i hate that i'm going to be the only one who talks to both of you.
i do have to admit that i do kind of think it's fucked up that you'd sacrifice our friendship for some stupid guy.
there is some rule somewhere isn't there where best friends can not steal other friends ex boyfriends right?
well i'm glad they're okay now... i should feel bad that the only reason i'm really happy is because now i don't have to worry about that dream coming true.
even though i had practically the same one last night.
i can't believe my self sometimes.
i think i'm completely insane.
my thoughts aren't even making sense anymore and i'm almost slipping out that i don't need any of this stuff.
i'm not going to make it that far anyways.
because i know she'll never save me.
this time i have to save my self.
and for right now i really don't want anything to do with being saved.

goal: make it through the play without thinking about her.
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Thursday, October 8, 2009

holding my last breath
I can't believe that this is happening.
I can't believe that you don't mind that you're hurting both of us.
I can believe that you think you can out smart me.
I can't believe I love you as much as I do.

I want to die.
so i don't have to feel this constant aching in my chest.

goal: figure out which side has more open space..
(this may require me taking a walk.. maybe I'll bring you with.)
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